True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.

"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."

Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jewyouevenlift
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case they get a hole in one!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
USB mouse refuses to pair
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eleven_inc
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
Recently bought a pair of shoes from my local drug dealer...

Don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day...

πŸ‘︎ 181
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πŸ‘€︎ u/albasolo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pair of scissors made out of vegetables?

Par-snip

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YourCommonBro
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
Why do golfers keep and extra pair of socks in their bag?

In case they get a hole in one.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kapncrunchy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
I always bring an extra pair of underwear when I go golfing

Just incase I get a hole in one.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rubNTugInc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants?

In case they get a hole in one.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BurnedTatti
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
I have two pairs of trousers, but I prefer one of them for golfing

Because there’s a hole in one

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RichardTheCuber
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Why did the golfer have two pairs of pants?

Just in case he made a hole in one

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joshua-esaw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Why did the aspiring programmer buy a pair of glasses?

So he could C#

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theguywithnoheart
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
The Heinz company came out with a pair of eyeglasses.

They claim it will make your vision 57/57

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/earth_humanoid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
Why do golfers where 2 pairs of pants?

Incase they get a Hole-in-one.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKillahG
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
My friend asked why I always bought an extra pair of socks when golfing...

'In case I get a hole in one'

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
I had a dream where I was chased by a massive pair of shoes.

Catching up to me was no small feet.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Moronmaster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
Man goes to his psychiatrist and says, "I keep thinking I'm a French pair of shoes."

Psychiatrist says, "What makes you chasseur?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
My wife: I just got this new pair of glasses. How do I look?

Me: As always, I recommend using your eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
I’m giving away a pair of gloves that don’t fit me anymore.

Can somebody come take them off my hands?

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
I saw a pair of watermelons getting married

It was a pretty big wedding. As it turns out, melons cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?

In case he got a hole-in-one.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jake5499
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
Coming this fall to CBS, a new sitcom about a pair of actresses living in the 17th Century...

It’s called β€œ2 Baroque Girls”.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bgva
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
Do u know how the roman empire was cut in half?-------How?-------With a pair of Caesars!!!!
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/st0len_meme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I always keep an extra pair of gloves with me in the winter

They’re just a good thing to have on-hand

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ham-cum-rewritten
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
I went to the shoe store today and bought the same pair of shoes I bought last time.

I think I’ve found my sole-mate

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ccalabrese01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
What do you do when your Bluetooth device doesn't pair?

You repair it...

(Sorry I will show myself out)

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VegetableNatural
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the optician who made the biggest pair of glasses in the world?

It was a huge spectacle!

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bang-a-lore
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
My lazy son insisted that I buy him a pair of $200 sneakers.

But I bought him loafers instead.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
Why did the pair of glasses get a job as a math tutor?

Because they help with division.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains!

Well just calm down and pull yourself together.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robjmcm
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
I always bring an extra pair of pants golfing...

...just in case I get a hole in one.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sugar_Wolf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
Did you hear one about the camping pair of dwarves?

It’s a little two in tents.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crash8308
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
What do you call a smart pair of pants?

A jeanius

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ronin861
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar

The bartender said "I'll serve you, BUT DON'T START ANYTHING!"

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CreepyPastaKing1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a pair of shoes from this drug dealer yesterday

I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping the whole day.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Descator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a synonym for a pair of shoes?

Sole-mates.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
Why does a golfer always wear two pairs of pants?

In case he gets a hole in one.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the distance runner buy a new pair of shoes?

It would be helpful in the long run.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryxnisfy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently bought a new pair of Orpothedic shoes

Doctor: No, it's pronounced 'Orthopedic'

Me: Ah, I stand corrected

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectShadw
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Which TV show pair has the best chemistry?

Walter White and Jesse Pinkman.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I took two pairs of socks golfing

In case I got a hole in one

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-m-meeseeks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pair of shoes ?

Sole-mates

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aritra_001
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Vin Diesel should commission a heraldic crest under his first name, a pair of snakes intertwined with fangs bared...

Vin's Shield: Vipers

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ranzear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the golfer have an extra pair of trousers?

In case he got a hole in one!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Viral_Idiot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case they get a hole in one

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-CommunistDoggo-
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
"Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?"

"In case they get a hole in one!"

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/otzen1122
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anvesh_parab
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants

In case they get a hole in one

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BurnedTatti
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report

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