When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
My son kept chewing on all the electrical chords we had set up for the holidays, so I grounded him...

He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly...

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
The recipe said, β€œset the oven to 180 degrees”......

but now i can’t open the door because it faces the wall.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hannahunfiltered
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?

Bernadette.

πŸ‘︎ 658
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My record collection includes Bruce Springsteen, John Cougar Mellencamp, and Tom Petty. It’s almost a full Heartland Rock set...

Close, but no Seger.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
Heard your dad is a diabetic DJ that drinks cans of sprite during his sets...

The crowds always chanting β€˜back one again for the lemonade master’

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SR21-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...

And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me

β€˜Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’

πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ’€πŸ’€β˜ οΈβ˜ οΈ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.

I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
If Batman was set in Edinburgh…

It wouldn't be known as "Waynescotting", wood it?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
I used to be a flat earther. I even set out to sail across the ocean to find the big ice wall.

But eventually I came around.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jradio610
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
Credit to u/the_richard_cranium. In a sub called r/nononono where things that had the potential to go wrong do, a woman struggles to put out a match. She sets it on the table, defeated failing to do so, but she forgot to put it out before doing so.

Confused, another redditor asked β€œWhat kind of match was that?” Cranium replied β€œNo match for her apparently”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vinnyc-11
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire...

It was a hot mess

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
With the holidays near, to set a festive atmosphere at your table, be sure you have a shiny chrome plate to hold your condiment sauce. Why?

Because there is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said the β€œE” was missing from my sons alphabet set.

I replied, β€œNo way that is in the top 5 most voweluable letters!”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beanimus0829
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a handyman's skill set?

His repair-toire

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BedHeadBread
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My 6 year old daughter set up a party and led me to the registration sheet. It said "Sine here". Now I am wondering if there is another sheet that says "Cosine there".

Sorry for going on a tangent

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm in big trouble, you guys. I bought a set of fake pushpins and put them by the bulletin board in the IRS break room.

Now I'm wanted for tacks fraud.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzzus628
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
The Titanic II is a modern-day replica of the RMS Titanic and is scheduled to set sail in 2022. It's creators do not believe it will relive the tragedy of it's predecessor because

that was an ice-olated incident.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the writer kicked off of the movie set?

He was making a scene!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How do actors move around film sets?

On a segue.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueVogueDino
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
The lift is from a company named Schindler...so it’s Schindler’s Lift...is this set up as pun on the classic film Schindler’s List? My head is spinning
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackaldo7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
If all the elves were missing from my son's LOTR Lego set,

Would you call that a Lego-loss?

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set

Goddamn those big game hunters

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PissYourTits
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set, so I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
At a garage sale yesterday I got a George Foreman grill and a Muhammed Ali DVD set...

Both boxed.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis (edited, thanks kind friends for the correction!)

πŸ‘︎ 387
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A sage once set himself on fire to cleanse the monastery of evil smells. [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ButterKnifeComics
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A police officer, notorious for bad spelling, is set to interrogate three theives, Tim, Bob, and Joe.

When asked who he thinks will give up the location stolen goods, he replys β€œOnly Time will tell”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StefanE30325i
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Google is set to come out with a new browser that manages search results based solely on your DNA

Set to be called the Google Chromosome.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pikindaguy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Two British monks set up a small snack stand at the parish fair.

They divided the duties equally: one was the fish friar, and the other was

the chip monk!

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/franksymptoms
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A very good set of food puns
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaravvashi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Could someone set me free from my misery on these two? reddit.com/gallery/i7oadx
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johninfairview
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend set me up on a blind date. He said "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know. She's expecting a baby"

I felt like a right idiot sitting in a bar wearing nothing but a diaper.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm trying out this new kitchen set with no egg beater

The says it's a 30 day whisk free trial

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I sold a Chess set to my friend. He asked if all the pieces were there.

I told him to checkmate.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FightBackFitness
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I would like a set of containers for my kitchen. I would like to store my baking soda, borax, milk of magnesia, drain cleaner, and ammonia. Most importantly, they need to have very secure lids.

I like to keep all my bases covered.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Legitimate-Hair
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A pumpkin spiced latte joke should contain the set up, followed by the punchline and

Cost about $4.50

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/junior_bqx2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The set up sucks but I thought it was pretty smart

A man makes an outline of a duck and cuts it out. An egg falls right in the middle. Now he has an egg in stencil crisis

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nojuicing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
As my impeccably dressed co-worker has aged, incontinence has set in.

He went from dapper Dan to diaper Dan.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A drum set fell down the stairs

Ba dum dum dum dum dum ow

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My 15 year old told me he set up an IRA account. I said β€œAre you kidding me?”

He said β€œNo, I’m adulting you.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendaryBroku
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Get set....

Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher, but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hokka4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...

But he saw right through it

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CGballin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?

Bernadette.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The recipe said, β€œSet the oven to 180 degrees.”

Now I can’t open it, as the door faces the wall.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report

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