Time puns - The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlphaAxel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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Why do women have a difficult time working for the postal service?

It’s mail-dominated.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SecondRateHack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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I’ve lost count of the times I forgot
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bo_veytia
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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Guess they should read the bio next time
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Littlegrayhair
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Sign of the times
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?

They only have a pair of trunks.

-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCVisNih
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Even crime has time for puns (credit to the author, extrafabulouscomics)
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirChemi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time

The spacebar

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Time fly!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hello_stranger-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Time to put on the costume
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7keletor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Did you know that two times ten and two times eleven are actually the same?

two times ten is twenty and two times eleven is twenty too

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadwfiend
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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I got a part time job kissing both women and men

It's not much but it's getting me bi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomecorearts
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese"

But it's just a curd to me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_22_14_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.

He’s my spirit guide.

Edit: Thanks guys.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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If you sin 90 times, you'll only get caught 50% of times,

Because sin 90 = cot 45.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/charan_88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."

"Stairs don't talk!"

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.

Me: Ok, and for the main course?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"

She said, "Not neccecelery."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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6:30 is the best time

Hands down

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Camaschor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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A pun for current times
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πŸ‘€︎ u/just_boy57
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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The one time I took a librarian on a date, she cost me a bloody fortune.

My own fault though, I kept her out too long.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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My friend had a discord discription of "having a bad time" i used puns, it went okay reddit.com/gallery/kxumgx
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiscreteGalaxy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

It must be the high Mercury content.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Every time I put my car in reverse.

It really takes me back.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealfakebodhi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Once upon a time a lion and a cheetah had a race . This is what happened.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/radhikagi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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Christmas time
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πŸ‘€︎ u/curiouscat887
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Jesus Christ would you look at the time
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mighty_Lord6
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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A cable repairman was on our street today and asked what time it is.

I told him it's between 8am and 1pm.

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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My wife asked me to stop quoting Taylor Swift lyrics all the time

I never saw it coming, wouldn’t have suspected it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tim_owens
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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I was going to tell a time traveling joke...

But you didn’t like it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VikingLord17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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A hospital pun in these covid times!
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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My kids fought for a long time over a device to measure angles

It was a protracted battle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RatherBeSkiing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Toothirty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eddiespaghettio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire

I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual

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πŸ‘€︎ u/takuache_beaner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed?

He goes under cover

πŸ‘︎ 553
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notsonog23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I once dated two girls called Edith and Kate. Kate found out and told Edith that I was dating both of them at the same time. They both broke up with me on the very same day!

Moral of the story is you can’t have your Kate and Edith too

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redirishlad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Why is Britain so damp and wet all the time?

Because the Queen has been reigning for too long!

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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Does covid have you wearing glasses and a mask at the same time?

If so, you might be entitled to condensation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mother_rebel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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What do you call a small time female criminal who is also very emotional?

Ms. Demeanor

(Credit to my lack of sleep)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EdgeIsGucc1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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Had a German sausage for the first time today,

It was the wurst.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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The worst thing about driving a Time Machine....

.....is the kids at the back asking, "Are we then yet?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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My wife said she is tires of me crossdressing all the time

So I packed up her clothes and left.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MatrixReaper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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My friend Patrick is black,white,and Asian at the same time.

Patrick the Panda.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?

A sighclops.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Time to show some emotions
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tony_zheng
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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When I was leaving home for the first time, my dad said to me, "Don't forget to write."

I thought, "That's unlikely. It's a basic skill, isn't it ?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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A buddy of mine works on an oil field. I had to stop spending time with him..

Because his sense of humor was too crude

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gunsmith123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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