Time puns - The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlphaAxel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do women have a difficult time working for the postal service?

It’s mail-dominated.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SecondRateHack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
I’ve lost count of the times I forgot
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bo_veytia
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Guess they should read the bio next time
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Littlegrayhair
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Sign of the times
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?

They only have a pair of trunks.

-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCVisNih
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Even crime has time for puns (credit to the author, extrafabulouscomics)
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirChemi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time

The spacebar

πŸ‘︎ 246
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
Time fly!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hello_stranger-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Time to put on the costume
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/7keletor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

πŸ‘︎ 873
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that two times ten and two times eleven are actually the same?

two times ten is twenty and two times eleven is twenty too

πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shadwfiend
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I got a part time job kissing both women and men

It's not much but it's getting me bi

πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomecorearts
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese"

But it's just a curd to me

πŸ‘︎ 338
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_22_14_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.

He’s my spirit guide.

Edit: Thanks guys.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
If you sin 90 times, you'll only get caught 50% of times,

Because sin 90 = cot 45.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/charan_88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."

"Stairs don't talk!"

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.

Me: Ok, and for the main course?

πŸ‘︎ 229
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"

She said, "Not neccecelery."

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
6:30 is the best time

Hands down

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Camaschor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A pun for current times
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/just_boy57
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The one time I took a librarian on a date, she cost me a bloody fortune.

My own fault though, I kept her out too long.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
My friend had a discord discription of "having a bad time" i used puns, it went okay reddit.com/gallery/kxumgx
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiscreteGalaxy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

It must be the high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 314
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Every time I put my car in reverse.

It really takes me back.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/therealfakebodhi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
Once upon a time a lion and a cheetah had a race . This is what happened.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/radhikagi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
Christmas time
πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/curiouscat887
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Jesus Christ would you look at the time
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mighty_Lord6
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A cable repairman was on our street today and asked what time it is.

I told him it's between 8am and 1pm.

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to stop quoting Taylor Swift lyrics all the time

I never saw it coming, wouldn’t have suspected it

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tim_owens
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
I was going to tell a time traveling joke...

But you didn’t like it.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VikingLord17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A hospital pun in these covid times!
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
My kids fought for a long time over a device to measure angles

It was a protracted battle

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RatherBeSkiing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Toothirty

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eddiespaghettio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire

I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/takuache_beaner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed?

He goes under cover

πŸ‘︎ 553
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notsonog23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I once dated two girls called Edith and Kate. Kate found out and told Edith that I was dating both of them at the same time. They both broke up with me on the very same day!

Moral of the story is you can’t have your Kate and Edith too

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redirishlad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is Britain so damp and wet all the time?

Because the Queen has been reigning for too long!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
Does covid have you wearing glasses and a mask at the same time?

If so, you might be entitled to condensation

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mother_rebel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
What do you call a small time female criminal who is also very emotional?

Ms. Demeanor

(Credit to my lack of sleep)

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EdgeIsGucc1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
Had a German sausage for the first time today,

It was the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
The worst thing about driving a Time Machine....

.....is the kids at the back asking, "Are we then yet?"

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
My wife said she is tires of me crossdressing all the time

So I packed up her clothes and left.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MatrixReaper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
My friend Patrick is black,white,and Asian at the same time.

Patrick the Panda.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?

A sighclops.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Time to show some emotions
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tony_zheng
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was leaving home for the first time, my dad said to me, "Don't forget to write."

I thought, "That's unlikely. It's a basic skill, isn't it ?"

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
A buddy of mine works on an oil field. I had to stop spending time with him..

Because his sense of humor was too crude

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gunsmith123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.