Cake Day puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AGoodPupper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
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[request] Valentine’s Day puns with the name β€œjack”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackyBoy37
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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My friends and I had a six day pun-fest with nothing but hair jokes. imgur.com/a/DocF1
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2015
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Cake day pun!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaxDegauss
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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My friend was throwing a β€œbisexual party” the other day. Puns ensued
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aexolthum
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2018
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Kik Team's fathers day puns imgur.com/Lb4MUc7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TiKi-r
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2015
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Looking for those St Patrick's Day puns

Give me some ammo!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spar13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2014
🚨︎ report
I feel like I should tell some pi day puns.

I guess that may be a bit too irrational for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/132ikl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2017
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List of Burgers Of The Day puns in Bob's Burgers bobsburgerpedia.wikia.com…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2013
🚨︎ report
I almost missed my cake day!

That would have been real crumby.

Edit: thanks for the gifts! I’ve never felt so kneaded.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SufficientNarwhal
πŸ“…︎ May 21
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I got picked for this five-day-a-week, year-long sleep study. It pays $15,000 a month.

It’s my dream job.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
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A farmer takes a rest on a bale of hay. β€œI love my job” he says aloud. A sheep replies β€œAll you do is boss me around all day!” The farmer, clearly upset by this statement, responds β€œWhat did you just say??” The sheep replies:

β€œYou herd me.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shawmpton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
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I met an atheist who worked for a charity the other day..

She said it was a non-prophet organization.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sup_mike
πŸ“…︎ May 25
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You know, I was looking at our ceiling the other day. It’s not the best...

But it’s up there.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erbearlee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
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For the past few days, I wake up to see someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.

I don’t know what to make of it.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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Atleast it made Sophie's day.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
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People keep saying today is pi day

But to me, March 14th will always be cake day.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
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My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.

I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
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Someone: "If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day quarantine you probably should've been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19"

My response: "144? That's a gross"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzywaffles84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
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If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days.

It will be a sadder day.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day.

A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
You know what really makes my day?

The rotation of the earth

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnifeLegend19
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
This has to be the highlight of my day
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_guy_named_rick
πŸ“…︎ May 31
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Day Tripper πŸ₯
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chetankolte56
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
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I saw a radio the other day on sale for $1. It had a note stuck on it saying, β€œVolume stuck on full”

I though, β€œI can’t turn that down”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wepehe
πŸ“…︎ May 15
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On average, a panda feeds for approximately 12 hours a day. It’s the same with humans under quarantine.

That’s why it’s called a β€œPandemic”.

πŸ‘︎ 856
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
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During the riots the other day, a person was beat up by six dwarfs.

Not Happy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
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Yesterday was national sewing day..

.. or so it seams

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drk311
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
Thought I'd derail your day.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
Day Job

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to hand him the money.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,

"Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much,to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all.

Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 year

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 16
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Approaching the house without a mask these days is just bush league.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joelkeys0519
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
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She's the day
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrammerTheGamer
πŸ“…︎ May 17
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So there was a protest the other day. Someone told a joke, and nobody could stop laughing. It was a riot.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sK197666
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
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[First day as a waiter] Me: How would you like your steak?

Customer: Well done.

Me: Thanks. That’s nice of you, I’m really nervous.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 13
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First day of NYC kindergarten: kid1: are you from Queens?

Kid2: no, my parents are straight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/godofbiscuitssf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
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When you’re having one shell of a day
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allisburning
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
It's my cake day people say i have to post something funny

Something funny

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xephonx
πŸ“…︎ May 21
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I was having a good day until I stopped to pet a duck in the park....

Now I'm feeling a little down.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arege_arege
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
Last week, I went from agony to ecstasy in a span of a few days.

At this rate, I’ll finish reading the dictionary in a month or so.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
I asked Dad how he plans to spend the day. He said, "first, Mom and I will go pick up our prescription glasses"

"And then we'll see."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneReddit123
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
How did T-Rex feel after bicep curl day?

Dino-sore!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
I noticed an upside down 6 the other day.

I thought, β€œWow, that’s odd.”

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
My friend sits around all day dreaming of making bread.

He's emotionally kneady.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
People will click any clickbait these days

See?

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h0ldmycovfefe
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
I’m still single on Star Wars Day...

Apparently I’ve been looking for love in Alderaan places.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SyncingShiip
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
Don't bother reading that "ultimate" workout blog. "You won't believe" their advice is just to walk 1,000 meters a day.

Saved you a klick.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
The other day my yoga instructor was drunk

It put me in quite an awkward position

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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
So one day, my wife asked me to clear the table...

I needed a running start, but I did it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ba71905
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
I met a man named Jim Apple the other day.

He has trouble introducing himself in France.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YouIdiotSandwhich
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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The other day I found a bunch of celery by my front door...

I think I’m being stalked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erbearlee
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor and as I got out, the operator said, β€œHave a good day, son.” I replied, β€œDon’t call me son, you’re not my dad.” He scratched his head and said...

β€œNo, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
So many people are too judgmental these days...

I can tell just by looking at them

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abhishek26997
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
I found a vintage radio for sale the other day that was stuck on full volume.

I couldn't turn it down.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Greenleaf_98
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
What if I lifted a pack of Coca-Cola over my head for twenty minutes a day every day?

That would be soda pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoorHalfwayShut
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
My next door neighbour told me that every morning when he measures his allotment, it is a couple of inches smaller than the day before.

I think he is slowly losing the plot...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
Every day at breakfast, I announce that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.

It was my longest running joke of the year.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
A joke for Star Wars Day: What kind of car does a jedi drive?

A toy Yoda

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
A surgeon had three surgeries assigned to the same day. After the first one he said: "One done, tumor to go"
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pilot230
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak days.

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πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
β€ͺWhich occupation is the safest these days?‬

Stay-at-home dad

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
This guy I know is paid to sit in an elevator and tell jokes all day.

I gotta say, his sense of humor has gotten higher these days.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.

So instead, a subreddit.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
You know what I hope happens to Laura Ingraham some day? She’s stuck in a shitty nursing home and asks someone to take her to the restroom, and they say...

β€œShut up and dribble.”

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
I saw my dentist walking down the street the other day...

He was shaking his head and looking at his watch. He said I'm overdue for an appointment and that he has an opening today. I asked what time can I come in? He smugly replied "tooth hurty".

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yogisogoth
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
The other day I saw a bucket at the hardware store with a sign that said: dead batteries - $1 each.

I thought to myself β€œthese should be free of charge”.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corbimatic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
What is Roger Federer’s favorite time of day?

About Ten-ish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/indebut96
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
Bad day?
πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FabioEGonzales
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
One day I sat down and ate a clock

It was very time consuming

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0U7L4W_C4R73L
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
Quarantine day 25: Found my husband working on the patio with his scroll saw. Yes. It's a scale model.
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cynthiaimprov
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
The other day I yelled into a colander.

My voice was strained.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CraftyRow418
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
I was sitting at home the other day when man broke in holding a block of cheese.

He stabbed me with it and all I could think was damn, that cheddar is sharp.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doughboy9419
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
Cake day, so...
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TalkySin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
I was shocked to see the Memorial Day pool party videos from the south, but I can't really say I blame them...

Because Missouri loves company.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spiky3420
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
Cake day.... Got to post something.

Did you hear about the ship carrying blue paint and the ship carrying red paint that collided.

Both crews are believed to be marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 600
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbiiggdd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
UPS says my book on evergreen herbs from the mint family lamiaceae is going to be delivered tomorrow by end of day.

It's about thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eth0null
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
*Cries in valentine's day*
πŸ‘︎ 737
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πŸ‘€︎ u/satire_scull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
I got rid of that hair lice I've been having for a couple weeks the other day.

That problem's finally out of my hair.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinateUniverse
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
Haven't been able to find the channel changer in a few days

It must be in a remote location

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreamsD351GN
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend poked me in the eye the other day...

I stopped seeing her for a while.

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matty_B97
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
My partner is having a bad day at work, so I thought I would draw his favorite animal with a cute note.
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjmeoow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
Everyone acts like they’re so PC these days

But Mac sales have been going up!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/privilegedpickle
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
Remember the good old days, before the pandemic? It used to be you could meet new people, maybe even fall in love and get married.

Now I’m just dating myself

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
My dad was doing a crossword the other day, he shouted across the room, 'Help me with 11 down the clue is: Over worked Postman'. 'How may letters?' I asked.

'Too Many'

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tommadds
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
You can order bathroom fixtures online and have someone at you door in a couple days ready to install it,

Just let that sink in

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KyloWrench
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
We took Grandpa sledging the other day and he caught a terrible cold. Grandma put goosefat all over his chest.

He went downhill pretty quick after that.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonMango
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
I think when this pandemic is over with, we need to have a day to celebrate truckers, for keeping the country running throughout all this. Maybe October 4th?

Call it the big 10-4.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ew0k5AN0nomi5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
Me: When I went to buy hotdogs on Memorial Day weekend they were all gone except these little ones.

My wife: Guess it was a Memorial Day for hotdogs then.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsaSnap
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
Went to the swimming pool the other day and desperately need to pee so just peed in the pool

Got such a fright when the lifeguard blew his whistle that I nearly fell in..

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sardonicuis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
I bought some heavy wool socks the other day.

I was planning on returning them, but then I got cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PMmeyoursafeword
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
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My wife had a hard day at work, so I drew her a warm bath...

She didn't really seem to appreciate the sketch but it went on the fridge anyway...

Edit: I thunk up a better punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
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Why is today Mario day?
πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rumoffu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day

A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ“…︎ May 04
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