[request] Valentine’s Day puns with the name “jack”
My friends and I had a six day pun-fest with nothing but hair jokes. imgur.com/a/DocF1
My friend was throwing a “bisexual party” the other day. Puns ensued
Looking for those St Patrick's Day puns
I feel like I should tell some pi day puns.
I guess that may be a bit too irrational for me.
Every day, my teacher starts her class by reading a joke from r/dadjokes, but today she is absent.
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
Last Thursday my son was moping around and I told him, if you think Thursdays are sad, just wait two more days. He asked why?
Because it'll be sadder day.
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline...
So, I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys".
Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I was a Dad at work the other day
My coworker mentioned he needed to get a quote for 400 mice(Computer mice).
Coworker: "I need to get a quote for these mice."
Me: "I can give you a quote for those mice."
Me: "Squeak Squeak."
After checking the delivery tracking app, my wife yelled in a fit of rage, “now my package isn’t coming for another 5 days!”
I replied, now you know how I feel.
I took a poll the other day.
Turns out 100% of people get angry when their tents fall down.
I'm going to be working on my next dadjoke over the next few days. In the meantime, I'll keep u posted.
I almost missed my cake day!
That would have been real crumby.
Edit: thanks for the gifts! I’ve never felt so kneaded.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away
But only if you throw it hard enough
It's for my cake day
Why are fish easy to weigh...
Because they have their own scales
Wheres my cake?
Dad joke of the day
I told my daughter she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
My son hates it when I make Computer jokes while talking to him. One day, he took my laptop and...
What did the hat day to the other hat?
You stay here, I'll go on ahead
I witnessed a kidnapping at the park the other day
He woke up like 5 minutes later tho
A psychic dwarf broke out of prison the other day, what did the headlines say?
There’s small medium at large
A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs. So he calls the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what he’s found...
She says, “Oh, that’s horrible. Are they moving?”
The guy replies, “I don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.”
Riding an elevator just makes my day.
No matter how stressful my day is, I always sleep like a baby.
I crap myself and wake up crying at least once each night.
Something to lighten up your day . (Credits to the creator)
I hear it is national cheesecake day today
But cheese and cake sound like an awful combo so I declare this my first cakeday instead
A farmer takes a rest on a bale of hay. “I love my job” he says aloud. A sheep replies “All you do is boss me around all day!” The farmer, clearly upset by this statement, responds “What did you just say??” The sheep replies:
Atleast it made Sophie's day.
So many people these days are too judgmental
I can tell just by looking at them
My special (cake) day was beautiful...
even the cake was in tiers!
had to do a (bad) dad joke for my cake day lol
I got picked for this five-day-a-week, year-long sleep study. It pays $15,000 a month.
One day, a father was washing a car with his son...
The son asks, "why can't we just use a sponge?"
Hey guys, my name’s Chad. I’ve been sober for 47 days now.
Not in a row or anything. Just... total.
People keep saying today is pi day
But to me, March 14th will always be cake day.
Tried catching fog the other day...
For the past few days, I wake up to see someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.
I don’t know what to make of it.
My friend sat on a battery the other day.
I asked if they were shocked?
I know, I know, it’s a revolting joke.
I went to a nail bar the other day...
December tenth is the best day of the year
They all laughed when I told them that one day I would discover the secret of invisibility.
If only they could see me now.
I compared my girlfriend to boiled pasta the other day.
It's really strained our relationship.
You know, I was looking at our ceiling the other day. It’s not the best...
I wish i could be ugly for one day
‘cause being it everyday is just really sad.
I met an atheist who worked for a charity the other day..
She said it was a non-prophet organization.
I couldn’t think of a good Blue Cheese joke to share for my Cheese Day...
So instead, tell me your best and maybe even... cheesiest... joke that you’ve used for your own Blue Cheese Day!!
Edit: Apparently that’s a Cake. Damn it. I probably could have found a sweet cake joke to use.
Was told a joke about a tornado the other day.
Happy Father’s Day
As a child I don’t think fathers realize how much we love and appreciate them and wanted to share it, even though this isn’t a joke.
Why did the tiler want to work on his day off?
I went to the zoo the other day and saw a baguette in the cage
The sign said bread in captivity
First day as a superhero
Villain: why is my calendar wrapped in aluminum?
Me: I foiled your plans.
[I am immediately killed]
I just got back from a long day of duck hunting, so I decided to put my feet up and have my favorite snack.
Someone: "If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day quarantine you probably should've been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19"
My response: "144? That's a gross"
I was talking to a butcher the other day who showed me a 10 pound bratwurst
So I said "A ten pound bratwurst? I never sausage a thing!"
"Egg-plant" shirt by me. Never got why the vegetable was called that until I found out that they used to be white and look like goose eggs back in the day
I was just reading this story about a guy who went through several tough breaks in life and couldn’t get ahead. One day he just stopped talking and his only way of communicating was through hand and body motion.......
Poor guy turned to a life of mime.
I was just trying to enjoy a day out on the lake. No matter where you are, you can never escape the puns.
What are the strongest days of the week ?
Saturday and Sunday, the rest are just weekdays
My brother-in-law, a clinical psychologist, says he is cutting back the days and hours of his work week.
In short his practice is shrinking.
I said to my doctor "I wake up thinking I'm a penguin, and by the end of the day I believe I'm an arctic fox."
I got pizza for everyone the day I started my new job as manager...
It was my first order of business
Had a really tough day today. I figured you would appreciate that my wife suggested I peruse r/dad jokes while she drew me a relaxing bath.
I asked her if it was going to be full color or just a sketch.
I told my friend his ‘hundred eggs in five days’ diet made me deathly ill.
He told me that was an eggsaturation.
I got a parking ticket for being parked illegally the other day and I’ve no idea why. I mean...
The sign clearly said, “Fine for parking”.
I have a friend named Banana. The other day we was robbing an ice cream store when the cops showed up.
If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days.
Someone told me that on your cake day you get free karma.
My Ma: I'm not buying you a car.
Why does the dragon only sleep during the day?
Back in the old days only the rich could afford automobiles while the common people had horses. Now only the richest have horses while almost everyone has an automobile.
My how the stables have turned.
There’s only one word to describe a dog’s terrible day
When I die bury me on the weekend. Because the day I die will be sad,
But the funeral will be on a sadder day.
A tipped my psychic an extra $20.00 the other day...
She was a very happy medium.
March 30th is world bipolar day
I don’t know how I feel about this
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
What is the best time of the day, hands-down?
My family and I like to sleep during the day
Isn’t it sad my cake day is in the midst of a pandemic?!
Let me share my tiers with you.
My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.
I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.
Someone tried to hand me a baby the other day...
“No thanks,” I said, “I am a vegetarian!”
I put up a scarecrow in my garden the other day and it works so perfectly...
If you're looking for sense these days, don't bother.
There is a national coin shortage, after all.
First day as a pilot, I asked my co-pilot; “what are those buttons for?”
“To keep your shirt closed.“
Why were the early days of history called the Dark Ages?
Because there was so many knights
I asked a chicken the other day who is favorite classical composer was...
My friend bought a new door bell the other day, I asked what’s it called.
I once worked at a place where I had to use a pay-to-cross bridge 10 times a day...
I was walking by a yard sale the other day
I saw a radio for $1. The volume dial was broken but I knew i couldn’t turn that down.
How do pickles celebrate their cake day?
I almost missed my cake day!
That would have been real crumby.
I tried catching fog the other day