My friends and I had a six day pun-fest with nothing but hair jokes. imgur.com/a/DocF1
My friend was throwing a “bisexual party” the other day. Puns ensued
Looking for those St Patrick's Day puns
I feel like I should tell some pi day puns.
I guess that may be a bit too irrational for me.
Momma always told me "you are what you eat!" So I started eating mushrooms every day.
I wanted to become a fun guy.
I posted something on here the other day and didn’t get a single upvote
Every day I come home and ask my dog how his day was, and every day he always gives the same answer...
I dream to be this commenter one day.
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days
I said it must be my weekend immune system
Text message conversation with my dad the other day, where I out-dadded him.
Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.
Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?
Dad: Knock Knock.
Me: Who’s there?
I don’t mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in 1 day...
and the box said 2-4 years!
The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...
"...40 second birthday".
I was so proud.
Now days, people don't use the name Lance very often
In medieval times, people were named Lance a lot
today is my first cake day so I decided to give you guys a joke
What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls?
Rick O Shea
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
It’s a sad day but my kitchenaid mixer motor has finally died. I couldn’t whisk for a batter friend.
The Trump White House is so polite these days.
Everyone there is saying “Pardon me” all the time now.
Day three: what’s the leading cause of dry skin?
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick
She still isn't talking to me
I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day.
Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.
That sail has shipped.
I visited a monastery the other day and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar?"
He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."
Cake day original joke! Why don’t penguins like eating clown fish?
Because they taste funny!
I pine fir the good oak days, when it was poplar to spruce up the living room with a real tree.
Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.
Very slow day/boring. So I'll post an oldie just because.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?...because 7-8-9.
I got lazy, but here are day 11, 12 and 13 of Dadvent!
What do you call a geologist who stares at rocks all day?
At the age of 65, my Grandma started walking 5 miles a day.
She's 92 now. We have no idea where she is.
We used to have a Teacher’s assistant named Ruth, but one day she left.
After that, our teacher became ruthless
It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day....
A few days too late, but OK.
I served Elton John a boiled egg the other day. I asked him how it was, and he said....
"It's a little bit runny".
I once dated two girls called Edith and Kate. Kate found out and told Edith that I was dating both of them at the same time. They both broke up with me on the very same day!
Moral of the story is you can’t have your Kate and Edith too
Even Batman has tough days
Did you hear about the guys who commuted between London and Paris every day?
They ended up with Carpool Chunnel Syndrome.
A viking named Rudolph The Red was looking out his window one day
"Its going to rain soon" he said to his wife.
"How could you possibly know that?" She asked.
He simply replied,
"Because Rudolph The Red knows rain, dear."
Every day I have to take my cow through a vineyard…
I herd it through the grapevine.
A Russian named Rudolph looked out of his window one day and told his wife not to go out without an umbrella. His wife asked ”What makes you say that”?
He replied ”Rudolph the red knows rain dear”.
Just another day at the paw-ffice.
One day, as I was walking home, someone threw a block of cheese at my head. I thought-
“That’s not very mature!”