help!! anyone know any good history valentine’s day puns?
My friends and I had a six day pun-fest with nothing but hair jokes. imgur.com/a/DocF1
My friend was throwing a “bisexual party” the other day. Puns ensued
Looking for those St Patrick's Day puns
I feel like I should tell some pi day puns.
I guess that may be a bit too irrational for me.
Nobody will upvote a cake joke on my cake day
She seems to be having a field day out there.
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,
“thank you for your cervix.”
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!
I bought a record at the charity shop the other day, "Sounds That Wasps Make". I took it home and it sounded nothing like Wasps.
That's when I realised I was playing the Bee side.
The other day my dog fell into a lake and was drowning. Then some German guy came out of nowhere and saved his life
After I thanked him, he said to me: "Don't vorry, just dry him off and keep him varm, he vill be fine"
I asked him, "Are you a vet?"
He answered, "Am I vet? I'm soaking"
My favourite time of day is 6:30
Why do I always feel great on Saturdays and Sundays, and sick on all the other days ?
Maybe I just have a weekend immune system..
These days people aren’t called Lance very often.
But back in the day, people were called Lancelot.
A lot of the jokes on this sub are just terrible, but at the end of the day...
My teacher likes to start every day by reading a joke from Reddit. She was sick the other day, so
Today is the day I can post it
I forgot to post this on Pi Day. Oh well! The Argyle Sweater for 3/14/21
When my aunt Penny died she hadn’t cut her hair in 20 years, when we took her to the crematorium it turns out they charged by weight and we couldn’t afford a receptacle for her ashes. I learned an important lesson that day.
A Penny shaved is a Penny urned.
When is National Alzheimer’s Day?
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I told: mom that why I am using a chair.
I guess the justice was served that day..
I heard that Cricket matches can last for days...
No rest for the wicket, I suppose.
I ate some food coloring the other day and didn’t feel well. I went to the doctor but he told me I was fine.
I still feel like I dyed on the inside.
I overdosed on viagra the other day
It was the hardest day of my life
Five years back I couldn’t pay my electricity bill, those were the dark days of my life
Me: my nose has been running for days, I hope I’m not getting a cold
Wife: probably just allergies, the air is full of pollen
Me: I guess you could say I’m snotty by nature
Which Disney princess spends most of her day on dating apps?
Two detectives were working on a murder case in which a man murdered his wife. They were sure he did it, but they needed some piece of evidence to place him at the scene. After only three days on the case, they found their piece of evidence.
What Are The Strongest Days?
Saturday and Sunday, because the rest are weekdays.
My friend got me a cake for my cake day
He asked me what my favorite part of the day was and I replied “it was the icing on the cake”
A couple of days ago, the government was overthrown by the military. Today, i moved my henhouse far away
When my wife asked me why i did it, i told her we were experiencing a coop detached
I got in trouble for trying to eat some hot dogs on a sunny day.
People at the dog park kept calling it "animal cruelty".
My mom thanked me for coming to visit for Mother’s Day.
I said “thanks for having me.”
Lance is a fairly uncommon name these days
But in medieval times people were called Lancelot
If it's good day you say good morning. If it's a bad day you say good mourning.
I had a day dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda.
It was more of a fanta sea.
The other day I was stood in a queue for the barbers, the line was so long they started handing out burgers and hot dogs.
Best barber-queue I’ve ever been too
Some days I wake up grouchy
Most days I let her sleep.
On my last day of vacation, I said goodbye to the ocean...
It's so hard for Necromancers to raise a family these days.
Unless of course they're buried in the same cemetery.
I guess that's how they stay fit though.
All those dead lifts.
I found a joke contest the other day and really wanted to win so I submitted 10 of my best puns.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did
What has 2 hands, a face and is only ever right twice a day?