Yesterday Puns

A list of puns related to "Yesterday"

My wife looked at my son (7) yesterday and told him his shoes were on the wrong feet

Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"

Proud dad moment!

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👤︎ u/michaelprstn
📅︎ Dec 30 2020
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The guy who stole my diary died yesterday.

My thoughts are with his family.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Nov 17 2020
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Yesterday I got in a fight with 1,3,5,7, and 9

The odds were not in my favor

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👤︎ u/SuperNova7039
📅︎ Jan 09 2021
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My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.

He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"

"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Dec 10 2020
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I tried renting a bounce house yesterday. The cost was twice as much as last year...

That’s inflation for you!

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👤︎ u/Scottspears89
📅︎ Jan 08 2021
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My poker cards yesterday were so shitty

Straight flush

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👤︎ u/crazyjarvis
📅︎ Jan 09 2021
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I was at the store yesterday and some dude threw a jug of milk at my head

How dairy

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👤︎ u/I-have-lysdexia
📅︎ Dec 31 2020
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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, but today is a gift

That's why it's called PRESENT.

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👤︎ u/This-Is-De-Wae
📅︎ Dec 30 2020
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I knocked my son's tooth out with a hatchet yesterday.

It was axedental.

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👤︎ u/Astreauxs5
📅︎ Dec 23 2020
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I bought some really expensive, bendable rulers yesterday

I guess they were very flexy

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👤︎ u/Raaxen
📅︎ Jan 14 2021
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Yesterday I purchased a world map and put it on the wall in the kitchen

I gave my wife a dart and said:" Throw this and, wherever it lands, i'll take you there for a holiday."

Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

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👤︎ u/Mac_OrchardYT
📅︎ Dec 28 2020
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A salesperson came to my door yesterday trying to sell me a coffin.

I told him, "That's the last thing I need".

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👤︎ u/OFMaaron
📅︎ Jan 14 2021
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I went to a wedding yesterday where two tv antennas got married

The wedding was horrible but the reception was great

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👤︎ u/I_Only_Have_One_Hand
📅︎ Jan 10 2021
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Yesterday, 4 women asked me out

I entered the wrong restroom

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👤︎ u/jucapiga
📅︎ Dec 15 2020
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Not to brag, but I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Dec 07 2020
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My dad asked me yesterday "Noah, am I a good dad"

I responded with "My name's Ron"

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👤︎ u/ImPickleRickFunny
📅︎ Jan 13 2021
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My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."

"Then you’ll have a match."

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👤︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
📅︎ Jan 06 2021
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I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.

They arrested me for colorful language.

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👤︎ u/MajicMan101
📅︎ Jan 02 2021
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I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

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👤︎ u/lolyfe-dc
📅︎ Nov 21 2020
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Hmmmmmmmmm, I finally had Shawarma yesterday.
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👤︎ u/mr_chanandler_bong_1
📅︎ Aug 20 2020
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My maths teacher called me average yesterday. How MEAN...
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👤︎ u/shivraj234
📅︎ Dec 13 2020
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I bought a pair of shoes from this drug dealer yesterday

I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping the whole day.

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👤︎ u/Descator
📅︎ Dec 25 2020
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I threw a ball for my dog yesterday.

Well, it was his birthday and he looks good in a dinner suit.

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👤︎ u/1963Jan
📅︎ Dec 05 2020
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Yesterday someone hit me with a bottle of Omega-3 pills

Luckily, my wounds were only super fish oil

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👤︎ u/professorf
📅︎ Dec 07 2020
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Yesterday I fired my cleaner.

I'm glad that's done and dusted

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👤︎ u/northernsou
📅︎ Dec 28 2020
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I ordered some stuff online yesterday and I used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card.

Cost me an arm and a leg.

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👤︎ u/the_houser
📅︎ Nov 25 2020
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My daughter had her 6th driving test yesterday. She got 8 out of 10.

The other 2 jumped out of the way.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Nov 20 2020
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Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.

Does that mean I have frozen assets or cold hard cash?

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👤︎ u/AgnosticIce6482
📅︎ Dec 01 2020
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I got to drop this bomb yesterday at Thanksgiving

Grandma: So what did you do to your turkey? Was it mexican? My Mom: No we tried a cajun sauce this time Grandma: What makes it Cajun? Me: It’s Thanksgiving so its a special oh-cajun

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👤︎ u/waltregus12
📅︎ Nov 27 2020
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Yesterday, I ate a clock.

It was very time consuming, especially when I went back for seconds.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Nov 30 2020
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The deaf girl didn’t show up to her court case yesterday

She lost her hearing.

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👤︎ u/EyeSayAye
📅︎ Jul 18 2020
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So I got in an argument yesterday

I told them it’s fine to be gangster, but “fuck bitches get money” is a terrible motto for a veterinarian

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👤︎ u/MrSchokking
📅︎ Dec 27 2020
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Went to a great party for meteorologists yesterday....

Lovely atmosphere.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Nov 19 2020
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My dog pooped on the deck yesterday and now it's all hard.

Turd rock from the sun.

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👤︎ u/soveraign
📅︎ Dec 06 2020
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My dad tried to sing yesterday.

He had a bit of treble with the high notes.

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👤︎ u/Stormbreaker636
📅︎ Dec 23 2020
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I met a bipolar fortune teller yesterday...

She says she either feels very manic, or quite depressed - never a happy medium.

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👤︎ u/aaron2571
📅︎ Dec 07 2020
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I spent all day crushing coke cans yesterday.

It was soda-pressing.

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👤︎ u/Strange_An0maly
📅︎ Nov 21 2020
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Yesterday, I had a near sex experience.

I saw my wife flash before my eyes.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Nov 29 2020
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Yesterday a clown held a Door open for me

I thought it was a nice jester

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👤︎ u/P0RK3RCH0P
📅︎ Dec 18 2020
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I took out my mother in law yesterday

Being a sniper is so much fun

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👤︎ u/cameforthevibe
📅︎ Dec 11 2020
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My dad attacked me with the vacuum yesterday

He was running around the house yelling "Dyson!"

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👤︎ u/lil_suge
📅︎ Nov 26 2020
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I thought I found a mass grave of snowmen yesterday....

.....but it turned out to be a field of carrots.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Nov 09 2020
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Yesterday, I couldn't stop making jokes about seaweed

. . . I couldn't Kelp myself

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👤︎ u/evilweasel72
📅︎ Nov 21 2020
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Yesterday I met someone who didn't know what × (the multiplication symbol) meant...

It really is a sign of the times.

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👤︎ u/RandomPeepsle12
📅︎ Nov 14 2020
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It was my cake day yesterday...

To tell the truth it was pretty crummy

PS: it was, and it was PPS: looking forward to the real joke in the comments.

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👤︎ u/Caprica_City
📅︎ Nov 27 2020
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My dad tried making a joke yesterday.

It was dad-asterous.

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👤︎ u/Stormbreaker636
📅︎ Dec 11 2020
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Yesterday I ate a clock...

It was pretty time consuming

(Let me know if this has been posted before and I will remove it)

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👤︎ u/Bad-Bed
📅︎ Oct 26 2020
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Yesterday I got in a fight with 1,3,5,7, and 9

The odds were not in my favor

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👤︎ u/SuperNova7039
📅︎ Jan 09 2021
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Yesterday I ate a clock

It was so good I went back for seconds

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👤︎ u/AshamedTurtwig
📅︎ Nov 30 2020
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I met a bipolar fortune teller yesterday...

She says she either feels very manic, or quite depressed - never a happy medium.

(According to my facebook memories, I made this one up 7 years ago!)

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👤︎ u/aaron2571
📅︎ Dec 07 2020
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