The urge to sing β€œThe Lion Sleeps Tonight” is always just a whim away...

A whim away, a whim away, a whim away

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoalaTeaNip
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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I lost big at the horse races tonight.

They were so much faster than me.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EgonVector
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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Was at a yardsale where someone had Tremors, Footloose, and Friday the 13th. Tonight I'm...

Bringing home the Bacon

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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The moon is full tonight, do you think he eats too much?

No, it’s just a phase

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LTenaciouSD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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At dinner tonight, my daughter told me she was full...

I told her she didn’t have to finish her dinner.

She replied, β€œNo dad, my name is full!”

She’s learning!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greendog100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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My wife couldn’t believe I took my old high school bully out tonight.

I love being a sniper.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/badindc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.

It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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Dig a hole in me tonight
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnotherKakkar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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True Story: tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.

My 4 year old said β€œmummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”

Needless to say I was in stitches.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.

We found himalayan on the road.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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I made Himalayan rabbit stew for supper tonight for my family

I found Himalayan on the side of the road on my way home

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcdolsa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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The wife asked me tonight if I’d seen the dog bowl.

I said β€˜to be honest I didn’t even know he played cricket’.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rafello
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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I had a go at making soup for the family tonight

I had some great feedback, the kids even said it was souper good!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chacmaa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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I’ve seen way too many Hindsight is 2020 jokes tonight.

I should’ve seen it coming, but... you know.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusk118
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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So I ate some frog legs for the first time tonight

They were pretty good. Only problem is, I now have a frog in my throat!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HissingGoose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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Just before midnight tonight, I’ll lift up my left leg.

That way, I can start the new year on the right foot.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajd011394
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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The Vietnamese restaurant was very rude about the long line they had tonight...

...it was a big Phở queue.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mallthus2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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I always say "hi tired, I'm dad", but I got one upped tonight.

I said my goodnights but in return I got "Are you a broom?" "I'm sorry, what?" "You look sweepy"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/happyherbivore
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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My fire tonight...

Was lit!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeoFluffaPup
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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My 6 yr old son has an attitude problem at the dinner table. He barely eats and always makes the rudest comments about the home-cooked food we provide him, so tonight we tried alphabet soup.

I really hope he eats his words.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fordskis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Hubs is gonna be late tonight
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amandapandacomics
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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Him: Do you want to play among us tonight?

Me: Sure, what are you playing?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The-Judge1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I have a marathon to be at tonight.

And I'm running late...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lod254
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Been a dad 5 mo, so I’m a little new to this... Hit my wife with this one tonight at dinner.

Me: Dinner is served as soon as you dress the salad.

Wife: What are you thinking?

Me: Business casual.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VoiceofLou
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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tonight on puns
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gullebring
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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Tonight I’m gonna have possum soup made from Himalayan possum...

Because I found Himalayan on the road.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dennyitlo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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When the Mrs. could tell I was in the mood, she immediately let me know that tonight wasn’t going to happen.

She said: β€œNot tonight. Period.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brian_Cirgury
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight

Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I captured her."

Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"

Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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I'm not happy because I have to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armor.

I hate knight shifts.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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Was pretty proud of this exchange on a dating app tonight
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rachrawr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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My wife shredded some cheese to sprinkle on the pasta tonight.

I told her she’s doing grate.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/semarlow
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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To celebrate Bundesliga return tonight!!
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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I am grilling tonight. I don't know how these sausages will turn out...

but I am expecting the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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I was making pizzas for dinner with my son tonight

As my son finished spreading the pizza sauce on the bases: β€œHow do they look Dad!”

I reply: β€œThey can’t, they don’t have eyes”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr00000100
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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Get with me tonight
πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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The urge to sing β€œa lion sleeps tonight” is always a whim away.

A whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No-Sock4401
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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For me, the urge to sing β€œThe Lion Sleeps Tonight” is always just a whim away...

...a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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Wife: "What are you making for dinner tonight, honey?"

Me: "Reservations. "

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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For me, the urge to sing β€œThe Lion Sleeps Tonight” is always just a whim away...

a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegreatsorcerer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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I came so close to singing "the lion sleeps tonight"

I was only a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SgtHedgehog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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The sudden urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"

is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2shoesnotfellows
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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The urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" may come at any time

It's just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report

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