The urge to sing โThe Lion Sleeps Tonightโ is always just a whim away...
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away
๐๏ธ 11k
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๏ธ Apr 15 2021
I lost big at the horse races tonight.
They were so much faster than me.
๐๏ธ 32
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๏ธ Apr 23 2021
Was at a yardsale where someone had Tremors, Footloose, and Friday the 13th. Tonight I'm...
๐๏ธ 16
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๏ธ Apr 18 2021
The moon is full tonight, do you think he eats too much?
๐๏ธ 7
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๏ธ Apr 27 2021
At dinner tonight, my daughter told me she was full...
I told her she didnโt have to finish her dinner.
She replied, โNo dad, my name is full!โ
Sheโs learning!
๐๏ธ 18
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๏ธ Apr 09 2021
My wife couldnโt believe I took my old high school bully out tonight.
๐๏ธ 29
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๏ธ Mar 28 2021
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
๐๏ธ 8
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๏ธ Apr 18 2021
Dig a hole in me tonight
๐๏ธ 4k
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๏ธ Nov 01 2020
True Story: tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said โmummy, youโve peeโd on the floorโ
Needless to say I was in stitches.
๐๏ธ 22
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๏ธ Mar 03 2021
Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.
We found himalayan on the road.
๐๏ธ 68
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๏ธ Feb 28 2021
I made Himalayan rabbit stew for supper tonight for my family
I found Himalayan on the side of the road on my way home
๐๏ธ 25
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๏ธ Feb 10 2021
The wife asked me tonight if Iโd seen the dog bowl.
I said โto be honest I didnโt even know he played cricketโ.
๐๏ธ 56
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๏ธ Feb 06 2021
I had a go at making soup for the family tonight
I had some great feedback, the kids even said it was souper good!
๐๏ธ 9
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๏ธ Feb 19 2021
Iโve seen way too many Hindsight is 2020 jokes tonight.
I shouldโve seen it coming, but... you know.
๐๏ธ 43
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๏ธ Jan 01 2021
So I ate some frog legs for the first time tonight
They were pretty good. Only problem is, I now have a frog in my throat!
๐๏ธ 8
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๏ธ Jan 17 2021
Just before midnight tonight, Iโll lift up my left leg.
That way, I can start the new year on the right foot.
๐๏ธ 5
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๏ธ Dec 31 2020
The Vietnamese restaurant was very rude about the long line they had tonight...
...it was a big Phแป queue.
๐๏ธ 9
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๏ธ Jan 09 2021
I always say "hi tired, I'm dad", but I got one upped tonight.
I said my goodnights but in return I got "Are you a broom?"
"I'm sorry, what?"
"You look sweepy"
๐๏ธ 1k
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๏ธ Aug 11 2020
My fire tonight...
๐๏ธ 2
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๏ธ Nov 25 2020
My 6 yr old son has an attitude problem at the dinner table. He barely eats and always makes the rudest comments about the home-cooked food we provide him, so tonight we tried alphabet soup.
I really hope he eats his words.
๐๏ธ 10
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๏ธ Nov 06 2020
Hubs is gonna be late tonight
๐๏ธ 6k
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๏ธ Aug 29 2019
Him: Do you want to play among us tonight?
Me: Sure, what are you playing?
๐๏ธ 8
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๏ธ Oct 16 2020
I have a marathon to be at tonight.
๐๏ธ 6
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๏ธ Oct 29 2020
Been a dad 5 mo, so Iโm a little new to this... Hit my wife with this one tonight at dinner.
Me: Dinner is served as soon as you dress the salad.
Wife: What are you thinking?
Me: Business casual.
๐๏ธ 11k
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๏ธ Jul 09 2019
tonight on puns
๐๏ธ 3k
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๏ธ Sep 18 2019
Tonight Iโm gonna have possum soup made from Himalayan possum...
Because I found Himalayan on the road.
๐๏ธ 11
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๏ธ Oct 17 2020
When the Mrs. could tell I was in the mood, she immediately let me know that tonight wasnโt going to happen.
She said: โNot tonight. Period.โ
๐๏ธ 9
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๏ธ Oct 16 2020
Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight
Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I captured her."
Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"
Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"
๐๏ธ 3
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๏ธ Oct 31 2020
I'm not happy because I have to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armor.
๐๏ธ 34
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๏ธ Sep 21 2020
Was pretty proud of this exchange on a dating app tonight
๐๏ธ 4k
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๏ธ Dec 18 2018
My wife shredded some cheese to sprinkle on the pasta tonight.
I told her sheโs doing grate.
๐๏ธ 28
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๏ธ Jul 13 2020
To celebrate Bundesliga return tonight!!
๐๏ธ 8
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๏ธ May 16 2020
I am grilling tonight. I don't know how these sausages will turn out...
but I am expecting the wurst.
๐๏ธ 11
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๏ธ Jun 11 2020
I was making pizzas for dinner with my son tonight
As my son finished spreading the pizza sauce on the bases: โHow do they look Dad!โ
I reply: โThey canโt, they donโt have eyesโ
๐๏ธ 16
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๏ธ Jun 30 2020
Get with me tonight
๐๏ธ 91
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๏ธ Nov 06 2019
The urge to sing โa lion sleeps tonightโ is always a whim away.
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
๐๏ธ 55
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๏ธ Apr 15 2021
For me, the urge to sing โThe Lion Sleeps Tonightโ is always just a whim away...
...a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
๐๏ธ 1k
๐
๏ธ Jun 02 2020
Wife: "What are you making for dinner tonight, honey?"
๐๏ธ 5
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๏ธ Dec 12 2020
For me, the urge to sing โThe Lion Sleeps Tonightโ is always just a whim away...
a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
๐๏ธ 14k
๐
๏ธ Sep 20 2019
I came so close to singing "the lion sleeps tonight"
I was only a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
๐๏ธ 10
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๏ธ Oct 11 2020
The sudden urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
๐๏ธ 4
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๏ธ Aug 01 2020
The urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" may come at any time
It's just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
๐๏ธ 83
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๏ธ Apr 12 2020
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