The urge to sing โ€œThe Lion Sleeps Tonightโ€ is always just a whim away...

A whim away, a whim away, a whim away

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/KoalaTeaNip
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 15 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I lost big at the horse races tonight.

They were so much faster than me.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 32
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/EgonVector
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 23 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Was at a yardsale where someone had Tremors, Footloose, and Friday the 13th. Tonight I'm...

Bringing home the Bacon

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/NoMoreTerritory
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 18 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
The moon is full tonight, do you think he eats too much?

No, itโ€™s just a phase

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/LTenaciouSD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 27 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
At dinner tonight, my daughter told me she was full...

I told her she didnโ€™t have to finish her dinner.

She replied, โ€œNo dad, my name is full!โ€

Sheโ€™s learning!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 18
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/greendog100
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 09 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My wife couldnโ€™t believe I took my old high school bully out tonight.

I love being a sniper.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 29
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/badindc
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 28 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.

It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Stoatwobbler
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 18 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Dig a hole in me tonight
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AnotherKakkar
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
True Story: tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.

My 4 year old said โ€œmummy, youโ€™ve peeโ€™d on the floorโ€

Needless to say I was in stitches.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 22
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DannyGere
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 03 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.

We found himalayan on the road.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 68
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Texgymratdad
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 28 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I made Himalayan rabbit stew for supper tonight for my family

I found Himalayan on the side of the road on my way home

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 25
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mcdolsa
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 10 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
The wife asked me tonight if Iโ€™d seen the dog bowl.

I said โ€˜to be honest I didnโ€™t even know he played cricketโ€™.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 56
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/rafello
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 06 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I had a go at making soup for the family tonight

I had some great feedback, the kids even said it was souper good!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Chacmaa
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 19 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Iโ€™ve seen way too many Hindsight is 2020 jokes tonight.

I shouldโ€™ve seen it coming, but... you know.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 43
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Dusk118
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 01 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
So I ate some frog legs for the first time tonight

They were pretty good. Only problem is, I now have a frog in my throat!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HissingGoose
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 17 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Just before midnight tonight, Iโ€™ll lift up my left leg.

That way, I can start the new year on the right foot.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ajd011394
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 31 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
The Vietnamese restaurant was very rude about the long line they had tonight...

...it was a big PhแปŸ queue.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Mallthus2
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 09 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I always say "hi tired, I'm dad", but I got one upped tonight.

I said my goodnights but in return I got "Are you a broom?" "I'm sorry, what?" "You look sweepy"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 1k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/happyherbivore
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 11 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My fire tonight...

Was lit!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/LeoFluffaPup
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 25 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My 6 yr old son has an attitude problem at the dinner table. He barely eats and always makes the rudest comments about the home-cooked food we provide him, so tonight we tried alphabet soup.

I really hope he eats his words.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/fordskis
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Hubs is gonna be late tonight
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/amandapandacomics
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 29 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Him: Do you want to play among us tonight?

Me: Sure, what are you playing?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/The-Judge1
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I have a marathon to be at tonight.

And I'm running late...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/lod254
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 29 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Been a dad 5 mo, so Iโ€™m a little new to this... Hit my wife with this one tonight at dinner.

Me: Dinner is served as soon as you dress the salad.

Wife: What are you thinking?

Me: Business casual.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VoiceofLou
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 09 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
tonight on puns
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/gullebring
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 18 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Tonight Iโ€™m gonna have possum soup made from Himalayan possum...

Because I found Himalayan on the road.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/dennyitlo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 17 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
When the Mrs. could tell I was in the mood, she immediately let me know that tonight wasnโ€™t going to happen.

She said: โ€œNot tonight. Period.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Brian_Cirgury
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight

Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I captured her."

Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"

Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/fuckyeahballpythons
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 31 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I'm not happy because I have to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armor.

I hate knight shifts.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 34
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/uhavethebiggay
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Was pretty proud of this exchange on a dating app tonight
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Rachrawr
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 18 2018
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My wife shredded some cheese to sprinkle on the pasta tonight.

I told her sheโ€™s doing grate.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 28
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/semarlow
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
To celebrate Bundesliga return tonight!!
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/MostExpensiveThing
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I am grilling tonight. I don't know how these sausages will turn out...

but I am expecting the wurst.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Calthropstu
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 11 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I was making pizzas for dinner with my son tonight

As my son finished spreading the pizza sauce on the bases: โ€œHow do they look Dad!โ€

I reply: โ€œThey canโ€™t, they donโ€™t have eyesโ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Dr00000100
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 30 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Get with me tonight
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 91
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Radish00
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 06 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
The urge to sing โ€œa lion sleeps tonightโ€ is always a whim away.

A whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 55
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/No-Sock4401
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 15 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
For me, the urge to sing โ€œThe Lion Sleeps Tonightโ€ is always just a whim away...

...a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 1k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Wife: "What are you making for dinner tonight, honey?"

Me: "Reservations. "

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 12 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
For me, the urge to sing โ€œThe Lion Sleeps Tonightโ€ is always just a whim away...

a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/thegreatsorcerer
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 20 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I came so close to singing "the lion sleeps tonight"

I was only a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SgtHedgehog
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 11 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
The sudden urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"

is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/2shoesnotfellows
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
The urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" may come at any time

It's just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 83
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 12 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.