Night Puns

..... oof !!

I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.

its pasture bed time

No sun

EDIT: oh my god 1k upvotes! THIS like, tripled my post karma. You guys are incredible. Much love!

Seriously..how low can you go ?

I yelled back "I know all those letters!" Everyone laughed, well except this one guy.

But they had naan.

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

Sieve-alry is not dead.

Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. Don't love me anymore?'

'Nonsense, darling,' replied the husband, 'you just cook better now.'

This is the 21st century,' she said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.'.

I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him!

It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.

It was a huge flop ...

The little shit used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.

Never doing that again, I could've killed myself!

I have a hen-ted house.

I might need a space heater.

I woke up exhausted

First I was afraid, I was petrified

I love it when a flan comes together.

A starfish

"Wire you insulate"

And he replied "Watts it to you? I'm Ohm ain't I?"

This is the first Dad joke I remember hearing, and it came from my older brother.

(We're not grading for quality here, right?)

I got in trouble for drinking and deriving.

By 03:00 I was past caring.

It says, " Press 1 for the money or 2 for the show...."

I'm no longer covered.

My doctor says I have a case of ten-to-ninetis.

I'm sorry it's bad

This week is my turn to face the screen.

Nyet vision goggles.

Guess she just wasn’t a keeper

I'm not sure where the bear went, so I'm now quivering in my boots.

Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean

I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”

all throughout the night, Mayo neighs :(

But I will recover.

I hammered her five frames to nil last time.

It really put the willy's up me....

The bill was huge.

I replied, "Of course it's over your head! It's in space!"

It’s the “Snorin” Desert.

Still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road.

It just gets harder and harder to find a date every month.

She whispered in my ear, "our children are asleep do what you want"

I then went back to sleep

f