Last night I had a dream that I ate a 50 lb marshmallow.
This morning I woke up and my pillow was gone.
Today is the 13th anniversary of my father passing and this was my favorite joke that he used to tell. Enjoy.
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
Old Jed Clampett (Beverly Hillbillies) got in an accident that left him with a glass eye. It was uncomfortable to sleep in over night so he took it out and hired a servant to watch it.
It was his Jed Eye Master.
I told me therapist, “Last night, I had a nightmare that I was fighting Jason Bourne and Will Hunting at the same time.”
Therapist: I’m glad that you are finally battling your Damons.
Theres 3.3 million people in here so I figured id go ahead and post that im looking for one night stand.
Matter of fact, make it 2. I need one for each lamp.
Did you hear about the guys that got drunk at a Trump rally last night?
They kept chanting “FOUR MORE BEERS!”
Last night I dreamt that I put a new muffler on my car.
Police have issued an appeal after receiving complaints from farmers that their Cows are being stolen during the night...
Apparently they are looking for a man with a big moo-stash.
Last night, I had a dream that I had discovered a new color.
But it just turned out to be a pigment of my imagination.
I was so excited to work this morning that last night I slept like a baby.
I woke up every 2 hours and cried.
I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT THAT I KNIGHTED AN ELECTRIC FISH.....
My 4 year old daughter came crying that she couldn't find her Barbie dolls. Apparently, my 2 year old son threw them in fire last night for fun.
Have you heard about the lions that escaped from the circus last night?
I heard they went straight to the juggler
Last night, there was such an amazing stand-up comedian at the party that we decided to raise our glasses filled with alcohol to praise him.
How can you tell the difference between flowers that bloom in the day and flowers that bloom in the night?
The difference is day and night.
They say there's a cryptid by the train station that drinks American whiskey late at night
But I'm sure that's just a bourbon legend.
A total dad joke I made up last night- What do you call an avocado that's giving you the silent treatment?
This morning, after a long night of binging, I got out of bed and looked in the mirror. I saw my haggard, worn-out body and overcome with emotion I realised that for the sake of my family I had to quit cold turkey.
Did you hear about the storms that hit the boy scouts at camp last night ?
I asked my friend if he would rather be hit in the genitals really hard, driven over a cliff and smacked in the face by a lesbian OR watch his favourite late night host. “That’s easy”, he replied...
Why couldn't the singer perform that night?
They were experiencing technical difvocalties...
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
Decided to have a curry for dinner the other night, that was a mistake...
Spent all night vindaloo.
I was going to spend Friday night studying stinging polyps that spend major part of their lifetime attached to rocks at the bottom of the sea, but a couple pals wanted me to go bar hopping...
With friends like that, who needs anemones?
Wow I was a wreck last night -- t-shirt under sweat clothes, under two cotton sheets, under a polypropylene comforter, and a quilt on top of that! I could NOT get warm!
I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....
I heard that one of the letters of the alphabet ran away last night.
"But why?"
He's fine, I on the other hand...
I have a cyst on my back and my wife helped me drain it. She won the pun war that night.
Last night, I had a dream that I wrote the Hobbit.
Apparently I was Tolkien in my sleep
My wife found out last night that I had swapped our double bed for a 14 foot round trampoline...
First she hit the roof, then the light, then the roof again.
I saw that a local dog owner drowned at sea last night
His good buoy couldn't save him.
I had a terrible dream the other night that I was a tail pipe... I could barely sleep.
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
I had a dream that I was a muffler last night
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
I had a strange dream last night that I was a muffler.
Last night I had a dream that I ate a twenty pound marshmallow.
I woke up this morning and my pillow was gone.
Had a dream that I was a tailpipe last night
I had a dream last night that I was a muffler.
Last night I had a dream that I was a muffler
Last night I dreamt that I was a muffler
I had a nightmare that I was a muffler last night
Last night, I had a dream that I was a muffler
Had a Dream Last Night That I Was A Muffler...
I had a dream last night that I was a muffler
Last night I had a dream that I was weightless.
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