Every night I see the ghost of a chicken spirit
I saw the ghost of Gloria Gaynor last night
First I was afraid, I was petrified
I made the mistake of having a beer while doing my calculus homework last night...
I got in trouble for drinking and deriving.
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
My wife woke me up in the middle of the night
She whispered in my ear, "our children are asleep do what you want"
I then went back to sleep
My son grows a lot of fur and manufactures products of art or craft on nights when the moon is full...
I had this massive piece of steak on the barbecue last night. As it was cooking, the smell of the juices made my mouth salivate.
I had a thought. I wondered if vegetarians had the same effect, while mowing their lawn.
A man called 911 after his 76 year old mother wandered out of the family home during the night. When asked what she had been wearing and if she had any personally identifying features about her, he advised she was barefoot, half naked and had a visible scar from her hysterectomy.
The dispatcher replied, “So... no shirt, no shoes, no cervix?”
Lifeguards are sad to report the drowning of a hippie last night.
Every night, I read my kids a book about the end of days...
Goodnight Moon is the darkest book I know.
Going into the bathroom in the middle of the night trying not to wake up anybody is like a psychiatrist.
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
The only people to show up to my friend’s funeral were some of his one night stands and some friends from church.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand?
Last night I dreamt I was in a swordfight with a knight, and he cut off the bottom part of my legs.
I was playing a zombie game last night, and sliced off the left side of a zombie
It scared my wife pretty bad.
I assured her he’s all right.
What does a robot do at the end of a one-night stand?
He nuts and bolts!
Edit: wow! My first Silver. You guys are amazing.
I worked security at a chemical plant. There had been a string of robberies at nearby chemical plants, and one night... lo and behold- we heard the alarm...
My coworker and I tried to apprehend them but they were just too phosphorus…
I won a $1million in the lottery last night and have decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have 999.999.75 left.
On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.
She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:
Icy, what you did there.
The Carbon Monoxide detector went of last night,
Can't say I remember why though.
Doctor Doctor! At night in my bed I keep saying lines from The Lord of The Rings
That's ok, you're just Tolkien in your sleep.
What did the director of the stage production of Cinderella say, after the lead called out sick before opening night?
Get the understudy, the shoe, must go on!
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said "It's going to rain". His wife asked "how do you know?"
"Because rudolph the red knows rain, dear"
My wife uses a whole bottle of dishwasher every time she washes the dishes at night.
Another day, another Dawn.
This morning, after a long night of binging, I got out of bed and looked in the mirror. I saw my haggard, worn-out body and overcome with emotion I realised that for the sake of my family I had to quit cold turkey.
The court released the suspect on the grounds of being on an armor show on the night of the murder ...
it was an ironclad alibi!
A couple of days ago a man from Korea came to r/uruguay looking for help to make the worlds biggest sandwich. Last night (8:00PM for me - 8:00AM for him) we made it posible!
I was cutting down some trees in the middle of the night and I couldn’t see anything...
But I heard my chainsaw some stuff
This is the Rythm of the night!! The night!!! Oh yeah!!!
What’s the opposite of sad pie night?
My mate, Skippy, is a bit of a nerd. Just last night he spent 2 hours telling me about all the characters named Kang.
For instance, Kang the Conqueror is a fictional supervillain appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics. In 2009, Kang was ranked as IGN's 65th Greatest Comic Book Villain of All Time
or
In the Simpsons , Kang is a Rigellian from Rigel 7. He and his sister Kodos continuously try to take over Earth and are usually seen attacking Springfield.
Kang and Kodos have a lot of space weaponry at hand and have their own spaceship. They speak the Rigellian language, which, by coincidence, is identical to English. Although they look identical, Kang has a deeper voice than Kodos.
I guess you could say Skippy is a Kang Guru...
I'm a big fan of the one night stand
Two just make my bedroom look cluttered
I was going to spend Friday night studying stinging polyps that spend major part of their lifetime attached to rocks at the bottom of the sea, but a couple pals wanted me to go bar hopping...
With friends like that, who needs anemones?
I heard that one of the letters of the alphabet ran away last night.
"But why?"
He's fine, I on the other hand...
If Game of Thrones was written by M. Night Shyamalan, what would he have called the White Walkers?
My wife was upset with me last night for kicking ice cubes under the appliances instead of picking them up...
...but this morning it’s just water under the fridge
I woke up in the middle of the night and freaked out when I noticed all the blankets on my bed were missing.
Back in the 90s, i spent time on the set of Baywatch messing with a character named Mitch Buchannon. I got pulled off the set and arrested the same night.
Turns out it's illegal to Hasslehoff.
What’s the best kind of booze if you want to dance all night long?
I woke up last night too the ghost of Gloria Gaynor by my bed
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
Every time I wash the dishes at night after dinner, I use a whole bottle of dishwashing liquid.
Another day, another Dawn.
I woke up in the middle of the night to see the ghost of Gloria Gaynor in my bedroom
At first, I was afraid. I was PETRIFIED
I woke up in the middle of the night and discovered all my blankets were missing.
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