Today is the best evening ever! Do you wanna know why?

Today evening at 21:21:21 oβ€˜clock is the 21 day of year 21 of the 21 century.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HESDERS1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
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Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.

The view was not worth the trip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Think_Naught
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Everyone was excited to be at our autopsy club this evening.

It was open Mike night.

πŸ‘︎ 342
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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Highway is full of Origami vehicles this evening...

Traffic is described as being stationery...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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I pestered my wife all evening with nonstop corny wordplay jokes until I got β€œthe look”...

I may have encountered some punintended consequences.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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There’s a ghost that exclusively haunts city hall in the evening...

He’s a Night Mayor

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linkhandford
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.

It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/graceful_ox
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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Unfortunately, Superman won’t be able to fight Dracula this evening...

He won’t go near the crypt tonight.

πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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Sir Good, what do people say to you when you leave in the evening?

Good Knight

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πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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That's all. Enjoy your evening all.
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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I had to put my dog down this evening.

People had enough of me carrying it around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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My son is playing the clarinet for a school concert this evening

It’s a good thing his bedroom is soundproof

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mercolorecords
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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I was very proud of myself all evening...

My wife and I are on the sofa and I lean in for a cuddle.

She says: "careful I'm holding a tea!"

And I say: "and I'm holding you, so I guess we're both holding letters of the alphabet"

Believe or not she actually laughed at this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EskimoJake
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening he’s absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend β€œWhy I have to change my position every time?”

He replies β€œI know, this sub is full of reposts”

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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I asked my girlfriend if she was free this evening

Her response: "Sure-- if you're buying dinner."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texadecimal
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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This evening, everyone remember to relax and sit in front of the TV

Because you will see nothing if you sit behind it.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaff800
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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What do you call a lady of the evening only interested rear maneuvers?

Q: What do you call a lady of the evening only interested rear maneuvers?

A: A back ho.

I'll show myself out

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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I was trapped between 2 empty shelves when the grocery closed for the evening...

I was stranded in a deserted aisle...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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My dogs and cats have to be home at a certain time every evening

I set a curfew for my fur crew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oatflake
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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A man rushed to dial 911 one evening when his wife displayed early signs of a stroke.

"Don't worry, sir," reassured the dispatcher. "Emergency services are on their way. Just try to remain calm and stay with her until they arrive."

"How long will the ambulance be?" the man asked.

"About eighteen feet," replied the dispatcher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Muchacho1994
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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Him: I'm taking the canine for an evening stroll around the neighborhood. Her: Why don't you just say you're taking the dog for a walk?

Dog: * Goes absolutely nuts *

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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Was trying to impress a fine looking lady just the other evening, and I told her people call me "X".

She asked me why, and I had honestly not expected it-- so I panicked and went, "I dunno, "Z"?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hell2go
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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So I bought tickets to the new football game but my wife is expecting to give birth that evening is anyone interested in being at the birth?
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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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I just woke up from a dream where I was being terrorized by a feral female horse every evening

It was a real recurring night mare.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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The only thing more depressing than Sunday evening..

Is a Satur-day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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Got the preemptive reversal from my own father this evening. Sign of a true master.

We were discussing an upcoming business trip I'm taking you next week, when he says:

"So what's taking you there, other then the plane?"

Smooth Dad, real smooth.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spyrulfyre
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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A string is walking home one Friday evening after a long week at work

And so the string decides that he shall stop at his favorite Pub and treat himself to a pint before going home to the wife. But after a decent walk he arrives at the pub to find a new sign on the door that reads " No Strings Allowed".

The string becomes infuriated. "How dare they" he thinks to himself. After having been a loyal patron for 10 years he decides this injustice is not to be tolerated and comes up with a plan.

He takes a moment and steps into the back alley way to be discreet. While he is there he ties himself into a knot and frays the top. Content with his disguise he marches back around to the front, enters the bar and has a seat when requests a pint of beer.

The bartender being a little suspicious looks at him a little uneasily but just can't seem to peg what the problem is. He serves him the beer regardless while keeping a close eye on the suspicious character. A little while later the string decides that the week at work has been so long that he is deserving of two pints of beer before going home to retire for the weekend.

It is just at that point when the bartender is serving him his second pint that he pauses and looks at the string and says "Hold on one minute! Aren't you a string?"

To which the string replied, "Sorry, I'm a frayed knot".

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CannaBrained
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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Server: And how did you find your steak this evening?

Customer: Oh it was easy, I just looked under the parsley

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kylea12345
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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I spent most of yesterday evening watching Cricket highlights

My eyes are a bit sore now but I’ve always been fascinated by pitch illuminations

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mbiggs92
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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My father needed surgery, and the only time the doctor could do it was on an evening flight

I knew this was a fly by night operation

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/waffleholster
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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What’s Captain Picard’s first instruction to his employees, in anticipation of the Friday evening crowds at a Mexican restaurant that he supervises?

β€œMake queso, number one.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SabinCrusades
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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While having our evening dinner together, my little girl looked up me and asked…

"Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?"

I was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess."

She then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2017
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Saw a possum on the road while driving to the store this evening.

He was still there on the return trip. He was quite deadicated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikemol
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2012
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They start the evening news with 'good evening' then tell you why it isn't
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Humeon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2017
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The Queen gives out OBEs to everyone now so this evening I'll be busy, I'm going to tie a rope to her and drag her behind my car...

I'm pulling an all-knighter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2016
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My pancake mix attacked me this evening

I got absolutely battered

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πŸ‘€︎ u/idonnotknow
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2017
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I used to go over to my grandmother's house in the middle of the night and drink earl grey with her. It was our ritual. I called this evening out of habit, forgetting she had passed away, and her ghost answered.

I guess you could call it a boo-tea call.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NWmba
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
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Best Halloween costume idea: I'm going to ask Norm Macdonald if I can glue myself to him for an evening.

I'm going to be adhered to a social norm.

It might smell funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trollfouridiots
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
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What happens before and after evenings?

Oddenings.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Exastiken
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2016
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Cringy dadjoke told by my father this evening: How does Moses do his hair?

He parts it.

I'm sure its totally unoriginal but it was so stupidly hilarious at the time (hes about 65).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NOAHA202
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2015
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What’s Captain Picard’s first instruction to his employees, in anticipation of the Friday evening crowds at a Mexican restaurant that he supervises?

β€œMake queso, number one.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SabinCrusades
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
How does Adam West's mom call him for his evening meal?

dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report

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