Yet another job lost to machines
Given that a case of the sniffles means staying home from school, we give my daughter a daily allergy medicine. My wife was giving her breakfast before school, and when I walked out, I asked if she’d had her medicine yet.
My daughter said yes, and I replied, “So you’re de-Claritin that you’ve had it already?”
Twenty Twenty won, and we're not out of the water yet! 2022 is Twenty Twenty too!
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
I just got my husband with my best one yet
I said, “what have I told you about leaving the power tools out where the dogs can reach them?”
He looked really confused and said “What? I didn’t leave anything out”
“because the dog is over here sawing some logs!”
I haven't seen many Thanksgiving puns yet
But I'm sure more may flower in time.
My coworker asked what it’s called when you ask something but haven’t gotten an answer yet.
I told him that’s an outstanding question.
I can't believe chickens haven't come up with a new sound yet
Maybe they should start thinking outside the bawks
Why haven’t aliens visited us yet?
They saw the rating- only one star.
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
I made this. Do you hate me yet?
Why haven’t aliens visited our solar system yet?
They looked at the reviews first...... only 1 star
I don't think the coast is clear just yet
hopefully this wasnt posted here yet; found this on r/memes
This isn’t mine and I don’t know who made it, but it’s been on my phone for so many years and I haven’t seen it on here yet. I hope you all love it as much as I do.
Have I not yet told you my summary about the history of clocks?
Does anyone know if we can start taking showers yet?
Or are we still just washing our hands?
I saw yet another fence joke but this one seemed a bit out of line
So I offered to repost it
Trump and Pence were preparing to leave the Whitehouse for a big rally. When the helicopter arrived, Trump wasn't ready yet, so Pence asked: "Do you want me to wait for you Mr. President?" ...
"No Mike, you fly on ahead and I'll catch up later".
Envelope: “are we there yet? I’m worried we’re not going to make it!”
Mailman: “I’ll keep you posted”
I’m drawing a picture of a zoo animal, but I’m not finished yet.
It’s just a rough giraffe.
I swear I ordered the sirloin, yet they brought me a t- bone
Apparently I have been mistaken.
Knot finished with this format yet
Are the Americans awake yet?
Friday was roasting saturday and sunday brutally yet they never occurred a word. Wednesday, being a harmonist, asked them why they stayed mum for which they replied, "because we are weakened in front of you guys".
Business partner 1:Hey have you signed yet?
Business partner 2: Yes in deed
During the quarantine, my 4 year old has been learning Spanish. Yet, he still can’t say please.
Which I think is poor for four.
I'm not a dad yet, but I'm practicing for when I am (should be in about 20 years)
Me: "I've been getting better at biking with no hands"
Mum: "That's a handy skill"
Me: "Actually it's a no handy skill"
After going back to college to get yet another degree, some of my friends made fun of me for it.
They were some real 3rd degree burns.
Has this been posted here yet?
I'm 29 and my 30th birthday is tomorrow. My gf asked if I feel old yet.
I said, "Not even. I'm still in my prime."
Is this on the table yet?
My daughter wants a boyfriend, but hasn't been asked out yet. To comfort her, I bought her a little lamb, and named it "Relation".
It's officially her first relationsheep.
What do you call a clever yet contemptible Brit who makes chocolate and candy in a super-secret factory?
Have you read the prequel to Hamlet yet?
If anyone here doesn't yet know..why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they are really really good at it!
I accidentally killed off my herb garden twice. As I replanted it yet again I thought to myself...
"Third thyme's a charm."
--
Based on a true story. Wife's eyeroll suggested this 100% belonged here.
I went to my optometry clinic and said "I'm surprised this place isn't out of business yet......
I’m surprised 8:54 hasn’t yet become a more popular time with the youths.
Here’s one for the Brit’s. can you tell what it is yet
No coronavirus for the Astros yet
They saw the signs before anyone else
I had this joke about coffee but I can't tell it yet.
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet ?
The looked at the reviews.....only 1 star
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?
They checked the reviews................ only one star.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
