Even crime has time for puns (credit to the author, extrafabulouscomics)
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
Even took me a while ngl..
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
Even Batman has tough days
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
My wife has been complaining that I donβt buy her flowers. Tbh I donβt even know she started selling flowers.
Couldnβt post it earlier. Doing dishes, making everyoneβs bed, taking trash and all the other household chores ate up all my evening.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
Schools today are serious about keeping sickness away. They even sent the espresso home today.
Because it was a little coffee.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
π︎ 49
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
I feel numb looking at odd numbers which makes me even number..
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
Why is my stud finder constantly going off even when it isn't touching the wall?
Oh wait... I'm holding it.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
An man at a bar didnβt want his wife to know he was out all night. But he was so drunk he couldnβt even stand and had to crawl all the way back home on all fours.
He got home he reached up for the door knob and opened the door, crawled upstairs and into his bed with his wife. His wife in the morning said βWhy were you out all night?β He said βHow did you find out?β
She said βThe bar called. They said you left your wheelchair againβ.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
Don't even try it.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
Where do we even store these dad jokes?
π︎ 127
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
I canβt believe that even after 15 years, I would still hear people making βFriendsβ references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
π︎ 130
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
My one friend told me that even though I decorate the church for the holidays...
I probably shouldn't go around calling myself a proud cross dresser.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
Patel was teaching a boy named Ed basic geometry, which he was failing to grasp even on the most basic levels. He mistook squares for triangles, circles for hexagons and so on...
So Patel tried to go to the lowest level and put a dot on the paper.
"What this, Ed?"
"A line?" the boy replied.
"I... I expected more from you. I'm... This a point, Ed."
π︎ 16
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
Do degrees even matter as long as the person gets the job done?
π︎ 350
π
︎ Aug 03 2020
I don't think the author even realized what they did! Context: the article is about killer whales attacking boats.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
Even if Autocorrect changes "Fuck" to "Duck"...
...Its still considered fowl language
π︎ 170
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
The political climate is so polarizing these days that even Do, Re and Mi decided to form their own independent left leaning musical scale and vote Democratic.
When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
If you add an "s" to the word "even",
π︎ 294
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
My wife and I saw our first sonogram today, even though we have two kids already
The previous ones were daughterograms.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
And I'm not even a dad!
This actually just happened!!!
I was driving my 14yo home, and I was complaining because I recently hurt my shoulder.
Me: Ow, my shoulder is trash
Him: Maybe you'll have to amputate your arm
Me: That wouldn't help because I'd still have a stump to waive around. They'd have to amputate it at the shoulder.
Him: They wouldn't really do that, would they?
Me: Yep
Him: Baloney
Me: No, that would be down here and pointed to my shin
Then he started crying :-) I can die happy now!!!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
Johnny Depp has lost his case against The Sun newspaper even with evidences
Hard to win if Amber is Heard and Johnny is not
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
We had a party for our office supplies today. We even invited the invisible ink.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
I like all cheeses, those blue ones, those aged ones, even those sliced ones...
but why does Trump want to make America grate again??????/
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
My friend keeps asking me if Iβll help him build a dock behind his lake house, even though I keep telling him βno.β
Honestly, Iβm feeling a lot of pier pressure.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Sep 01 2020
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
Seven has "even" in it.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Feb 14 2020
As a single dad money can be tight. But even when Iβm on a date and I know Iβm not attracted to her, I still like to get the door for her and let her walk through. It makes her feel appreciated.
And it makes it easier to slam the door and run so I donβt have to pay for dinner.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
Once I was so dehydrated, I couldnβt even remember all the letters in the English alphabet.
I went ABCDEFG and then PQRSTUVWXYZ. I was missing H to O.
π︎ 37
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
Me after my dad made a bad joke: Dad, that joke doesnt even work.
Dad: Thats because it was an unemployed dad joke.
He then revealed he got fired from his job.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 26 2020
My friend decided he wants to be a podiatrist even though I tried to talk him out of it.
I guess he's put his foot down.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 11 2020
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
What do corals even get stressed about?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Sep 07 2020
Crows are very intelligent birds, they even go out for drinks from time to time.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
Why does Barbie look so young even though she was born in the fifties?
π︎ 30
π
︎ Aug 16 2020
I'm surprised to find myself working at NASA even though i never graduated high school.
Someone had to clean the toilets and keep the place clean.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
Even on Sundays
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
A priest was getting very annoyed with his young parishioners during dinner time and said if they continued misbehaving even the cutlery would be punished.
One boy said to another: "What? the fork in hell?"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 18 2020
there wasent even a quadro
π︎ 72
π
︎ Jun 13 2020
Don't even think about challenging my French butter sauce...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 03 2020
A woodcutter once decided to build his own motor bike. He used wood for the frame, wood for the engine, wood for the brakes, and even a wooden gas tank.
Did he ride it? No. It wooden start
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 08 2020
I was just sitting on the couch when my friend tells me, βyour not even listening to me.β
I thought thatβs a very weird way to start a conversation.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Aug 29 2020
Didn't even leave the first.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
I canβt believe that even after 15 years of the show ending, people are still making βFriendsβ references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Oct 09 2019
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
