Only works when spoken instead of typed out
There was once a king who was only 12 inches tall!
Terrible king, but made a great ruler.
There are only 3 types of people..
- People who can count
- People who can’t
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it
A hippopotamus only goes to college in your mind...
You know... at the hippocampus.
2 is the only prime number that is even.
What concert costs only 45 cents to go to?
50 cent featuring Nickelback.
I recently bought my only Daughter a locket with her picture inside, for her 18th birthday.
.. just so glad She's now finally independent.
MY PARENTS RAISED ME AS AN ONLY CHILD
THIS REALLY ANNOYED MY YOUNGER SISTER.
Only 90' kids will remember this
Why do communists only write in lowercase?
A bald man got a great deal on a wig today - only $1!
It was a small price toupee.
Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only items #1, 3, & 5 were done.
Turns out, he only does odd jobs.
What do you call a horse that only goes out at night?
A nightmare.
-courtesy of my kindergartner
american schools are some of the only places you can have first hand experiences with Quadrilaterals and quad-collaterals
Why does a calendar last for one year only?
Because its days are numbered
I only judge men that are tall
I guess you could say I’m judgemental
I went to this zoo yesterday and they only had one dog.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet
Fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels
Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
My calculator only has enough power left to do one calculation
I really have to make it count
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four, it would be chicken sedans!
My underprivileged friend will only listen to the b side of his records.
It’s like he lives on the other side of the tracks.
I knew a girl who could only add odd numbers
She literally could not even
Believing only 12.5% of the Bible
Makes you an eighth theist.
Did you know you can only ran through a camp ground?
I've worked really hard and only achieved becoming a taxi driver.
I can't believe that's all I have to chauffeur it.
Why do teens only group in odd numbers?
Warning: Do not buy tickets for the Eskimo lottery - they will sell you the ticket but they only pay out to native Eskimos.
You've got to be Inuit to win it
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, “An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...
...he’s really a big lyre.
I only hear what I want to...
Ever heard about the woman who only did rap battles, when she was on her menstrual period?
They said she had a mean flow.....
Y’all hear about that country barber who accepts venison as payment, but only does bowl cuts?
Says he just wants to give folks the most bangs for their buck.
Arkansas is the only state mentioned in the Bible.
“Noah walked out onto the ark and saw....”
The only thing that bothers me about Almond Milk:
Those are the he only for comments, that was kinda suprising
Why is it you can only ran through campgrounds?
Because it is passed tents.
Not only is my short term memory terrible...
...but so is my short term memory.
If you commit 90 sins, you will only get caught half the time.
Why do people in Africa only use electric cars?
Because they’re Mad-at-gas-cars
Why are 0 and 1 the only numbers with genders?
All the others are non-binary
A man walks into a zoo and the only animal inside is a dog.
A jazz guitarist couldn’t play a gig at a venue that had only six electrical receptacles.
His equipment required a seventh cord.
The only person who understands me has to be
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet
I only know 25 letters in the alphabet.
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