If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
Did you know I used to be a Lumber Jack? It was only during one summer, though.
I just couldn't, hack it.
Because I didn't have the, chops.
So they, gave me the axe.
Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during lockdown?
During quarantine I taught myself origami...
I’ve in-creased my output ten fold...
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown
So you can start the New Year off on the right foot
Edit: Thanks for the silver
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
During dinner, I turned to my wife and said, “I used to be grapes.”
She said, “Huh?”
Me: Sorry. That must have been the wine talking.
My buddy got to the Nissan dealership just in time to buy his truck during a sales event.
It was the Final Frontier
Why should you never wear moccasins outside during Winter?
Because it can get a little slippery out there.
Heard your dad is a diabetic DJ that drinks cans of sprite during his sets...
The crowds always chanting ‘back one again for the lemonade master’
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time,
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
I fell asleep during Catholic mass.
I'm a Bored Again Christian.
Being stuck at home during lockdown, I keep having these nightmares that my house is made of celery.
Doctors are calling it the stalk home syndrome.
What happens if a cat wins a dog competition during a tornado?
My urologist and I kept joking around during my last visit.
I just returned from my MIL's funeral, she was hit on the head during a tennis match & killed
It was a lovely service...
My coworker brought some vegetables to snack on during work, and he didn’t offer me any
It’s like he didn’t even carrot all
The best safe word to use during sex is “meatloaf”
Because it means, “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that”
During breakfast, my dad said, “Let me sum up 2020 in one word.”
During the delivery of my first child, my wife kept yelling out ‘can’t’, ‘won’t’, ‘shouldn’t’, ‘couldn’t’.
The mid wife told me not to worry, they were only contractions
What does a hacker say during sex?
What do you call an agnostic person during the Christmas season?
Which jokes are safest during the recent pandemic?
My grandpa grew up during the depression, as a result, he never threw anything away.
He died in the war, holding a hand grenade.
Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.
It was the pizza de resistance.
Why didn't the pro golfer wear his golf shoes during the round? (Compliments of my stylist)
Because he's got a hole in one.
A bald man with a hairpiece needed the restroom during a movie.
He whispered to his date, “I have toupeé.”
My friend David lost his ID during a trip.
I heard that it was very foggy during the last battle of WWII
The Germans could nazi each other
Just happened: my contractor broke a window during our nearly complete renovation
He turned to me and said it's no problem. At this stage it's just a pane.
Why did Will have a bad time during the war?
Because they were firing at will
I made a joke during chemistry
I've put on so much weight during Lockdown that my Sumo suit no longer fits me.
On the plus side, I no longer need a Sumo suit.
My HOA agreement has a statement mandating we have an inflatable Santa displayed in our yard during December
A German soldier during World War II was embellishing the number of troops he had with him
When the Allies thought it was just him, he claimed there were not 1 but 2. Then he changed his story to 3. Then he said 5, then 8, then 13, and finally 21. When the Allies made it to his position, they discovered that it actually was just him.
Turns out he was a fibber nazi.
During an autopsy, why are the heart, kidneys, liver and lungs arranged alphabetically?
What did the lesbian pirate say during sex?
What do you call a wolf that meditates during a full moon?
Told my daughter to wear glasses during math.
What do athletes wear during winter?
I'm surprised the tower of Pisa hasn't fallen over during the pandemic...
Without all those tourists helping hold it up.
What do the Chinese do during an erection?
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
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