This game is puns upon puns. v.redd.it/9zc0jmqg4d631
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itswhatitisbro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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Once upon a time in the jungle...

Once upon a time there were numerous tribes in a jungle. Each tribe struggled to survive, and over time and as skills evolved, tribes began to trade goods with each other. One tribe learned the skills of architecture, and traded designs for safe grass houses with neighboring tribes for other necessities, such as food. Over time, the tribe grew quite rich, and without the need for goods the chief of the tribe demanded payment in the form of a tribute, an ornate throne. Over time the number of thrones the chief owned grew more and more numerous, so he had a great multi-story grass house built to store all of his thrones. One day, the weight of the thrones became so much the house collapsed, killing the chief. The moral of the story is… wait for it…

He who lives in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pirate-Frog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Once upon a time a lion and a cheetah had a race . This is what happened.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/radhikagi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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As the detective examined the crime scene at the carnival he came upon the man working the β€œGuess your weight” booth. The detective had the man arrested as an accomplice to the criminal.

He was charged with helping the criminal get a weigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pasngas42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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What did the farmer say upon receiving fodder for his livestock?

'rice and shine, it's new hay!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dclxviazazel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Upon delevery

So I'm proud to say I made my first dad joke not even 5 min after my son way born.

After he came out, the doctor weighed my son. Doctor said "wow look at the size of those hands!".

Which I had to reply instantly " you know what they say about babys with big hands eh?!?" .... "big gloves" !!

To whole room cracked up and my women just sighed and said. "Really.."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OlderNo7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.

My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill. My wife while looking at me: -.-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfessorPeterr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I'm thinking of starting a newspaper based upon 2020...

I think it'll be called The Trying Times.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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What agency does the president call upon when craving a late night snack?

The Secret Room Service

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayWolf85
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Upon seeing a gorgeous girl at the party, I knew I had to meet her. So I approached and told her about a special-purpose ship designed to move and navigate through frozen waters, and provide safe waterways for other boats and ships.

I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Once upon a time in numberland, a three-person race was held

In it took part the Minus sign, and the numbers zero and -2. All three ended the race at precisely the same time.

-2, Minus Won; 0 Won Too.

(Reddit, I am counting on you to make this stupid joke popular!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keychainoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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A man was enjoying his burger when someone broke the news to him that it was made out of 'Horse Meat'. Suddenly he went into a fit and started choking. Two hours upon rushing him to the hospital........

.......His condition is now known to be 'Stable'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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I bestow upon you my greatest creation
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Once upon a time when I visited the dentist........

Doctor: What's the problem?

Me: I'm a moth.

Doctor: Excuse me?

Me: I'm a moth.

Doctor: Maybe you should see a psychiatrist not a dentist.

Me: I went to the psychiatrist about an hour ago.

Doctor: Then what are you doing here?

Me: Your light was on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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What did the pie say to the muffin upon leaving?

"Good-pie"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Upon receiving his meal at a restaurant,

The practitioner uttered through a smile, β€œjust what the doctor ordered”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Replicatar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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Once upon a time in numberland, the numbers 3 and 5 were jealous of the number 2.

2 was enjoying a special position in the sequence of numbers. It was the only even prime number. All the other even numbers existed only because 2 existed. Heck, even computers ran on base-2.

As a result, 2 looked down upon all the other numbers, but no one could do anything about it.

3 and 5 conspired against 2 and decided they needed to do something so that it lost its powers. They kidnapped 2, and through magic divided 2’s powers equally among themselves. 2 ceased to exist. 3 and 5 both increased by 1.

Looking at 2’s dead body, they said, β€œNow we are even.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keychainoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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A scientist walks into a lab to pick up a dozen beakers for a new experiment he’s been working on, and the lab clerk hands him 13 upon his arrival. β€œ13?”, the scientist asks, β€œI wanted a dozen!”

The lab clerk says β€œI thought you wanted a beakers dozen!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErectAnarchy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Once upon a time a postman was working at a new place

Oh wait don't worry the joke has been postponed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamerxbykabil
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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I couldn't decide on which side of the road I wanted to use my loom. On the northbound side the southbound side looked better. And upon crossing to the southbound side, the northbound side looked better. The cops soon arrested me for operating under the influence.

They said I was weaving all over the road.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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I can understand why the invention of the wheel is looked upon as one of the most important achievements of mankind

It was a very pivotal moment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fumperdink06
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, β€œWait! I’m a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned and said: β€œAnd you will dialogue.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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Peak humor is upon us
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LincolnBio_
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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Once upon a time, a setup went to a ball.

At the ball were many important people, well above the setup’s class. There was Original Content, Reposts, and even a couple from Google Searches for β€˜Dad Jokes Nobody Knows’.

Just seeing them made his mouth dry, so he began looking for something to drink. He knew his friend Joke was there somewhere, part of the crew catering the food and drinks. Seeing a server carrying glasses of champagne, he went up to him and asked,

β€œWould you know where to find the one they call the Joke? He’s supposed to be running drinks I think,”

β€œYeah! For sure. He’s right over there! You’ll find him at the end of the punch line,”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosmicnate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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My yacht passenger was rude to me when he gruffly asked "how will we embark upon our trip?"

So I told him to shove off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Based upon my shameful behaviour after drinking, I finally decided to quit drinking altogether.

Now I drink all alone.

πŸ‘︎ 671
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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What did redditor say when he stumbled upon a mouse nest with 69 of them there?

Ah, Mice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KevinK15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Once upon a time in Wuhan...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AngkaSaWan01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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A pirate is transported to modern day and stumbles upon a lumber mill while looking for work. When the pirate is asked if he knows how to use any of the tools...

He replies, "Arkansas".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dominant_Dankster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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What did the Atheist say upon dying and meeting God?

Well I’ll be damned.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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Awhile ago my roomate moved out, i was cleaning his old room when I stumbled upon a fake mustache in a box under his bed, when i asked him about it he replied:

β€œYou finally found it, my secret stache”

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacaboi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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My friend said he broke his tibia. Upon examining his X-rays, I can tell he lied...

It was a fibula.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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It has been foreseen, the decade is nearly upon us
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DumelDuma
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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"Cheer up, you could be a replacement stake in the ground for barbed wire to stretch upon," said one new joke to another.

"Yeah, I guess I could be a repost," said the other new joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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I know reposts are frowned upon...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SMHeenan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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I met a rancher who told me the apocalypse would soon be upon me.

Moments later an animal kissed me, that’s when I realized he’d said the Alpaca lips would soon be upon me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hephsters
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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What did Julius Ceasar say upon finding out his friend slept with an unattractive person?

A two, Brute?

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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My beekeeping brother stumbled upon my collection of honeybee legs, screaming "What the hell is this?"

I responded, "It's none of your bee's knees."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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Well, the new year is upon us and that means I have to stick spigots in all my red and black maple trees...

The task always saps my strength.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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A man stumbles upon a lamp and a genie pops out and offers him 3 wishes.

Man: β€œFor my first wish I'd like to be rich."

Genie: β€œAlright Rich, what's your second wish".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsVinay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
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When fencing, my friend acted like he collapsed unconscious from fright upon sight of his opponent's epee...

He feinted.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, β€œWait! I’m a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, β€œAnd you will dialogue!"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report

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