There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
I have an irrational fear of over-designed buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.
At least he won't turn over in his grave.
I finally got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.
I won't lie, it was a rocky road.
Today I learned that if you're in a canoe and it flips over in water...
....you can safely wear it on your head... because it's capsized.
Are you seriously over the moon?
What watches over a castle when the sun goes down?
My wife caught me playing with my son's train set. I was so embarrassed, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
My girlfriend left me over my obsession with Blink-182.
She said it was all the small things.
Move over BLM, make way for DLM.
I am at the waiting room of the doctor’s office, wondering when my girlfriend’s checkup will be over.
Sitting at the Doc of the Bae, wasting time.
Yesterday, my friend and I got into an argument over which vowel was the best
I had a glass statue of Captain Kirk. My dog ran by and knocked it over and it broke.
why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.
My wife threatened to leave me over my bad sense of direction... I beat her to it though.
I packed up my stuff and right!
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
The two men stared intensely at each other over the chessboard, neither one making a move. Suddenly, one of the men gasped in horror and shouted, "How is this possible? You must be taught by the Soviets!"
The other smirked and replied, "Czech, mate."
Over heard a customer at my store say “OK we’re done let’s hit the road”
I butted in and said don’t do that it’ll hurt.
One of the world leaders is actually an alien hellbent on taking over the world and I know who it is!
It's crazy but it's Trudeau
I got pulled over in the carpool lane.
Cop," Where's your passenger?"
Me, "Due to Social Distancing, he's in the car right behind me."
8 months in and I finally got a good dad joke over the weekend.
In the subdivision where I live there are 2 open fields with cows in each one, one of those fields is being turned into a sports complex. My friends were wondering where the cows would go and one of them suggested that they would just have all the cows in one field, to which I replied “well then it would just be overCOWded”
Thanks guys
My friend is an amateur boxer, but his combinations are all over the place due to him being unable to understand his trainer, who has a lisp.
Thumping's not quite right
A clumsy employee knocked over his boss’s coffee cans and wasted all his coffee.
It was grounds for dismissal!
It carried over into real life, too!
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
I saw a butterfly on the ground with no wings, so I poured Red Bull all over it.....And Bam !!!!
A policeman pulled me over the other day and started crying as he was writing me a traffic ticket. I asked him why was he crying?
He said it was because I committed a moving violation.
How do you get over a fear of elevators?
Just take some steps to avoid them.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Did you hear about that guy who got run over by a steam train?
How do others know when you’re finally over something?
Usually by the closure wearing.
My wife started making art by putting paint on her wheels and driving them all over the canvas.
not to brag, but they all look like van Gogh's
I’m saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...
It’s my retirement hedge fund.
I used to be a judge for the world orchestra championships, but I quit because too many of them were coming out with outlandish sob stories to win me over...
Always trying to get the symphony vote.
When I was young I was a graffiti artist and had my name all over the city but as I got older I thought "This has to stop".
"The writing's on the wall."
Saw a 70's t.v. program about 2 detectives who solve crimes over the phone.
My 14 year old dropped this one on me - I am so proud: two snare drums and a cymbal fall over a cliff...
Driving over a crossing, I told my son a train had just went through
My friend owns a winery and his wine was picked over others in a wine tasting competition by only one trait...
my crush came over to play with legos
it was a good way to build a relationship
You know, out West they're started to ban those big round bales of hay you see in that field over there..
.... The cows aren't getting three square meals a day.
(Also, to those who tell dad jokes at every opportunity, I really appreciate you. As a person who grew up without the joy of a pops embarrassing me with terrible jokes, I was always bewildered by the stereotype. Recently though, I've been taking a microeconomics course I was dreading having to take and my professor has "big econ dad" energy. There's a joke every few minutes in his lectures and they give me the energy to keep going. You are appreciated. Even if your kids, spouse, partner, friends, strangers groan at you, undoubtedly someone out there really appreciates your goofiness).
Pulled over
(my first attempt, please have mercy)
Cop: Sir I need you to blow in this breathalyzer.
Driver: I can't, I'm an asthmatic
Cop: Then I need to do a blood draw.
Driver: I can't, I'm an hemophiliac
Cop: then I need to ask you to step out of the vehicle and walk in a straight line
Driver: I can't, I'm drunk.
Ok, I leave now....
Met a beautiful girl over Spring Break in Mexico, but she constantly talked about the end of the world.
What travels all over the world, but stays in a corner?
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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