You might be worried about overeating while you’re quarantined, but it’s better than risking the spread of disease. So don’t worry...
It will be worth the weight.
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
Are you seriously over the moon?
I have an irrational fear of over-designed buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.
At least he won't turn over in his grave.
What do you see when the Pillsbury dough boy bends over?
I finally got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.
I won't lie, it was a rocky road.
It's just the same song over and over again
Today I learned that if you're in a canoe and it flips over in water...
....you can safely wear it on your head... because it's capsized.
What watches over a castle when the sun goes down?
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Some people think it's ok to knock over people's trash cans...
That's such a trash opinion. (Sorry the joke sucks)
My girlfriend left me over my obsession with Blink-182.
She said it was all the small things.
Move over BLM, make way for DLM.
What does a chemist say when he spills boiling gold all over himself?
I am at the waiting room of the doctor’s office, wondering when my girlfriend’s checkup will be over.
Sitting at the Doc of the Bae, wasting time.
Yesterday, my friend and I got into an argument over which vowel was the best
If you guys thought 2020 was over, I have bad news....
I had a glass statue of Captain Kirk. My dog ran by and knocked it over and it broke.
why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.
My wife threatened to leave me over my bad sense of direction... I beat her to it though.
I packed up my stuff and right!
I can’t get over the fact..
that the word “gullible” looks like a cat upside down
What do you call a bear who's crouched over and grunting?
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
The two men stared intensely at each other over the chessboard, neither one making a move. Suddenly, one of the men gasped in horror and shouted, "How is this possible? You must be taught by the Soviets!"
The other smirked and replied, "Czech, mate."
Over heard a customer at my store say “OK we’re done let’s hit the road”
I butted in and said don’t do that it’ll hurt.
I got pulled over in the carpool lane.
Cop," Where's your passenger?"
Me, "Due to Social Distancing, he's in the car right behind me."
One of the world leaders is actually an alien hellbent on taking over the world and I know who it is!
It's crazy but it's Trudeau
8 months in and I finally got a good dad joke over the weekend.
In the subdivision where I live there are 2 open fields with cows in each one, one of those fields is being turned into a sports complex. My friends were wondering where the cows would go and one of them suggested that they would just have all the cows in one field, to which I replied “well then it would just be overCOWded”
Thanks guys
what do you call a hoe that’s been run over?
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
The police pulled over a semi going 120 mph on the interstate. Upon opening the trailer, they found thousands of ancient cutting tools similar to an axes but with the cutting edges perpendicular to the handle rather than parallel.
A new pub opened up that allows minors over the age of twelve.
A clumsy employee knocked over his boss’s coffee cans and wasted all his coffee.
It was grounds for dismissal!
It carried over into real life, too!
A policeman pulled me over the other day and started crying as he was writing me a traffic ticket. I asked him why was he crying?
He said it was because I committed a moving violation.
I saw a butterfly on the ground with no wings, so I poured Red Bull all over it.....And Bam !!!!
How do you get over a fear of elevators?
Just take some steps to avoid them.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
How do others know when you’re finally over something?
Usually by the closure wearing.
My wife started making art by putting paint on her wheels and driving them all over the canvas.
not to brag, but they all look like van Gogh's
I’m saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...
It’s my retirement hedge fund.
I used to be a judge for the world orchestra championships, but I quit because too many of them were coming out with outlandish sob stories to win me over...
Always trying to get the symphony vote.
Did you hear about that guy who got run over by a steam train?
When I was young I was a graffiti artist and had my name all over the city but as I got older I thought "This has to stop".
"The writing's on the wall."
My wife caught me playing with my son's train set. I was so embarrassed, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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