My New year's resolution is to stop binge eating Xmas leftovers...

I'm going to quit cold turkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasthetanker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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*me binge eating Christmas treats*

Jesus Christ what have you done to me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sajinib
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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I need a suggestion of a good medical sitcom to binge on Netflix....

But I don’t want no Scrubs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrypticPragmatist
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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I just finished binge-watching an entire series on NetFlix or whatever it is!

It was a documentary on doing things in moderation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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Mike Tyson got very disturbed after binge watching β€œBreaking Bad”.

He said, β€œThat was pretty methed up.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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We had just finished binge watching 'Stranger Things' ...

and were walking up stairs to go to bed, when this exchange took place:

GF: "Whoa, there's a tv remote all the way over here on the stairs, isn't that weird?"

Me: "Meh, I've seen stranger things."

GF: "Oh my god, STOP!" it got an eye roll and chuckle out of her though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/0_1_1_2_3_5_8_13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2016
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The radio was on the classical station during a Star Trek binge.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gotohelldook
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2015
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Hubby got me during a Netflix binge...

Hubby: We should put the TV on the floor.

Me: Why?

Hubby: So you can watch Friends in low places!

He was so proud...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombiejuliet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2015
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So you're Binge Reading?

This was to my younger sister.

Me: "what are you reading?"

Her: she holds up her book and the spine says "Binge"

Me: "So you're Binge reading?"

And she rolled her eyes harder than I've ever seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dchris4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2015
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Why did Microsoft named its search engine "BING"

Because It's Not Google...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/newdoc123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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I was replaying Wind Waker recently after having binged BNHA, and the idea popped into my head.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomecat42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Mi me chiama JAR JAR BINGS...
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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Today I found out that you can actually hear the blood flowing through your veins.

You just have to listen varicosely.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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If Bing Crosby was so great

Imagine how good Google Crosby would have been?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EastlyGod1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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Dad: what do you do when you are in the wrong seat?

I stand corrected

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dengsta
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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My local karaoke bar has just banned all Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Bing Crosby songs …

to prevent the spread of the crooner virus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaggington
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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This morning, after a long night of binging, I got out of bed and looked in the mirror. I saw my haggard, worn-out body and overcome with emotion I realised that for the sake of my family I had to quit cold turkey.

I'm going vegan today.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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I'd like to personally thank the inventor of the mini skirt...

My balls have never felt so free.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.

Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ben716
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Started singing like a cross between Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra.

Think I may have caught this croonervirus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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Bing Crosby
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vendetta2115
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The look on their face when your nailing them! Bada Bing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kbetter1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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I went to go shopping for cherries and microphones the other day. Bought a bing, bought a boom.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sheineken
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Went to the store yesterday and bought a single cherry and some microphone equipment

Bought-a-Bing, Bought-a-boom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peon2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Bowie and Bing Crosby meet up in heaven…

David Bowie: "You look a bit down in the dumps, Bing. What's wrong?"

Bing Crosby: "my inflatable arsehole needs blown up."

Bowie: "Do you want to borrow my rubber bum pump?"

Bing: "Rubber bum pump?"

Bowie: "Rubber bum pump."

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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Did you know Bing Crosby gave David Bowie a pom pom for Christmas?

And not just any old pom pom but a proper pom pom!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mardypig
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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I want the normal one too! (Op u/ItsSrikerOMG)
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderMuffin16
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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Dad : β€œI need to call the doctor today.” Mom : β€œWhich doctor?”

Dad : β€œNo, the regular kind.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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If I was a journalist, I'd ask a lot of pro bing questions.

Like "Isn't Google the worst search engine?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShowingMyselfOut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2016
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Caw Caw
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marekmonster
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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What’s the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

Bing sings but Walt Disney.

EDIT: to avoid some possible confusion I’ve changed β€˜and’ to β€˜but’.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gopnikolai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
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Chandler Bing really is the master of dad jokes.

While at a tailor's,

"How long do you want the cuffs?"

"Well at least for as long as I have the pants."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FX114
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
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I went shopping at a cherry stand and then a microphone store.

Bought a Bing. Bought a boom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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I just caught my son googling porn web sites, and I’m completely heartbroken.

We are strictly a Bing family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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Microsoft puns imgur.com/a/dy7q0
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reeegen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2017
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My dad saw the Google car...
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Burninator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2015
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My last joke got taken down.

Here's a mirror.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSulley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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I went to go shopping for cherries and microphones the other day: bought a bing, bought a boom.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AspenTD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2017
🚨︎ report
I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today."

"Which doctor?" she asked.

"No, the regular kind."

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes, my wife makes it *too* easy.

"I need to call the doctor today."

"Which doctor?"

"No, the regular kind."

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HalBriston
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
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Went shopping for cherries and a microphone the other day.

Bought a bing. Bought a boom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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I went shopping for cherries and a microphone the other day...

Bought a bing. Bought a boom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/htimsmith
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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Went shopping for a cherry and a microphone...

Bought a bing, Bought a boom..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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I went to go shopping for cherry's and microphones the other day

Bought a bing bought a boom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__st4__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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Purchased a cherry and a microphone

Bought a bing, bought a boom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/latelobster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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