I'm going vegan today.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
The look on their face when your nailing them! Bada Bing!
Bing sings but Walt Disney.
EDIT: to avoid some possible confusion I’ve changed ‘and’ to ‘but’.
While at a tailor's,
"How long do you want the cuffs?"
"Well at least for as long as I have the pants."
David Bowie: "You look a bit down in the dumps, Bing. What's wrong?"
Bing Crosby: "my inflatable arsehole needs blown up."
Bowie: "Do you want to borrow my rubber bum pump?"
Bing: "Rubber bum pump?"
Bowie: "Rubber bum pump."
So my 5 year old son always asks what I’m watching or playing (video games) and most of the time sits and watches for a while.
I had been binge watching The Office, so of course he would overhear most of the jokes. One day we were over our friends house who has a daughter my sons age. We sit down to eat some burgers and hot dogs, and out of nowhere my son belts out “DON’T DROP THE SOAP!”.
We all died laughing.
He shall be a good dad someday.
"I swear, this is the most convenient object I own. It appears my schedule would indeed allow for a light Netflix binge," he said, time-waistingly.
So my girlfriend and I were binge watching Netflix one day, and she always brings a glass of water with her and leaves it in the window sill next to my bed. At this point there were probably like 6-7 cups in the window because I haven't cleaned in a while. Anyways, she asks me "Can you put my bra somewhere? It's driving me crazy". To which I reply, "Sure, I'll just put it here with the rest of your cups". I cried laughing for hours over this, she never even cracked a smile.
This was to my younger sister.
Me: "what are you reading?"
Her: she holds up her book and the spine says "Binge"
Me: "So you're Binge reading?"
And she rolled her eyes harder than I've ever seen.
I'm watching the Purge trilogy tonight. I guess that means I'm bingeing and Purging.
And I could barely keep myself from asking, "What about Yugoslavia lists?"
Shamelessly stolen from Chandler Bing, the master of dad jokes.
I walk downstairs to find my parents sitting at the computer discussing directions to an upcoming family event. Mom: How can Google and Bing give you completely different directions and both are wrong? Dad: That's because one is from the west coast and the other is Chinese. Me: Bing is not a Chinese company. Dad: Sure it is. Bing bong ching.
I... I was not sure how to react to this one.
