The Beatles were anxious that their name might turn off pun enthusiasts.
βCause insects puns really bug them...
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︎ Feb 16 2020
Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?
Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
My wife told me sheβll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
Iβm not too worried, I think sheβs jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Three men were onboard a ship playing dice on deck when the oldest man angrily jumped off the front of the boat. The younger man said..
You keeled my father. Prepare two die.
*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?
^(What a freaking professional)
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Pulled this off on my friend Lmao
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︎ Oct 29 2020
My daughter(7) just caught me off guard with this.
Daughter : Whats Nana's middle name?
Me: the same as mommies, I think
Daughter: her middle name is just i think?
I'm so proud. Sorry if I don't know how to format, I tried.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown
So you can start the New Year off on the right foot
Edit: Thanks for the silver
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︎ Dec 30 2020
Big rip-off
π︎ 47
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︎ Jan 06 2021
I owe a lot to the sidewalks. Theyβve been keeping me off the streets for years.
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︎ Jan 01 2021
A buffalo dropped his boy off at school and said...
π︎ 24
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︎ Jan 04 2021
How do you get down off an elephant?
You donβt. You get down off a duck.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
Someone stole the tires off a police car
Theyβre working tirelessly to catch them
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 22 2020
What do you call a president that you quickly turn off and on?
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Last night I dreamt I was in a swordfight with a knight, and he cut off the bottom part of my legs.
π︎ 30
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︎ Dec 10 2020
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff
π︎ 107
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︎ Dec 17 2020
I turned off the fan because I was a bit cold...
I wonder why everyone else on the helicopter is panicking?
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︎ Dec 21 2020
January sales - 50% off all medieval torture devices.
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︎ Jan 07 2021
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow
π︎ 36
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︎ Dec 03 2020
Why does rockstar, Brian Johnson go to the US capital to cool off?
Because there's an AC in DC.
(Someone improve this joke.)
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
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︎ Dec 03 2020
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
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︎ Jul 30 2020
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to fuck off
That was berry rude of him
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︎ Jan 08 2021
What do you call a Christmas decoration made out off $100 bills?
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︎ Dec 23 2020
We had an impromptu pun off
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︎ Nov 23 2020
Why is my stud finder constantly going off even when it isn't touching the wall?
Oh wait... I'm holding it.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
What do you call an Irish man who keeps on bumping off things ?
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Why do so many people break off addictions the day after Thanksgiving?
There's a lot of cold turkey to go around.
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︎ Dec 27 2020
I saw a man at the supermarket today, throw all the milk, butter, cream and yoghurt off the shelves, in a rage.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
I took some money off the wallβ¦
Now I hear my roommate saying, "Where's wall dough?"
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Knock Knock "who's there" Not Sally
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 09 2020
I donβt know what I did to the wind to piss it off
It always seems to be against me lately
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 16 2020
Week off for Christmas
Employee: Boss, can I have a week off for Christmas?
Boss: It's May!
Employee: Sorry, may I have a week off for Christmas?
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?
She kept running from the ball.
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︎ Nov 24 2020
Iβve been trying to solve a complicated maths question to take my mind off my constipation. Today, using only a pencil and sheer determination...
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 26 2020
What did Captain Kirk say to Spock as he was hanging off a cliff?
Just Klingon, Iβll go get help!
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︎ Dec 21 2020
If you cut off your left hand, your right hand will be left.
π︎ 24
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︎ Oct 18 2020
Why did the Mexican alcohol manufacturer chuck his wife off a cliff?
π︎ 33
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︎ Nov 30 2020
Did you hear about the man who got his left part cut off?
DonΒ΄t worry, heΒ΄s alright now
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︎ Nov 19 2020
What do you call someone who sells knock-off handbags?
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 24 2020
Wife walked in to the bedroom as I was pulling off my Boxers...
...she said "you love those dogs more than me".
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︎ Dec 04 2020
A German tourist jumped off to the freezing water to save my precious dog who was drowning.
After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine."
I said, "Are you a vet?"
To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."
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︎ Nov 14 2020
I brought a dog off a blacksmith
10 minutes after bringing him home, he made a bolt for the door...
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︎ Dec 11 2020
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff.....
π︎ 64
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︎ Nov 13 2020
How do you get Down off an Elephant?
You donβt, you get Down off a Duck
π︎ 11
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︎ Dec 23 2020
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