The Beatles were anxious that their name might turn off pun enthusiasts.
βCause insects puns really bug them...
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︎ Feb 16 2020
Pulled this off on my friend Lmao
π︎ 5k
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︎ Oct 29 2020
We had an impromptu pun off
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︎ Nov 23 2020
I saw a man at the supermarket today, throw all the milk, butter, cream and yoghurt off the shelves, in a rage.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?
She kept running from the ball.
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︎ Nov 24 2020
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
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π
︎ Jul 30 2020
Why did the Mexican alcohol manufacturer chuck his wife off a cliff?
π︎ 32
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
Did you hear about the man who got his left part cut off?
DonΒ΄t worry, heΒ΄s alright now
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︎ Nov 19 2020
did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body cut off?
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︎ Nov 29 2020
A German tourist jumped off to the freezing water to save my precious dog who was drowning.
After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine."
I said, "Are you a vet?"
To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."
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︎ Nov 14 2020
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff.....
π︎ 63
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︎ Nov 13 2020
A friend of mine cut his finger off at work...
I suppose he'll be getting severance pay.
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︎ Nov 12 2020
How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't. You get down off a duck.
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π
︎ Nov 13 2020
What did the Turkey say after its leg got bitten off
βLost my leg in βnomβ
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︎ Nov 26 2020
What happened to the guy whose left side was cut off?
π︎ 21
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︎ Nov 09 2020
Hear about that superhero knock-off group that keeps ordering drinks but pour out all the liquid?
Apparently they call themselves the Just Ice League
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︎ Nov 30 2020
When the doctors told me I have cancer I laughed my ass off
they said I have a great sense of tumour
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︎ Nov 23 2020
Pissed off
π︎ 16
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︎ Oct 28 2020
Had the wife stop the movie to watch a quick clip. After she sat down I told her" You could cut the dogs feet off".
She said "I don't understand.....".
I said " UN-PAUSE".
I had to explain it to her...
π︎ 14
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︎ Oct 30 2020
2020 hasn't been all bad. I've been doing fine off my OCD meds now for about..
..6 months, 15 days, 9 hours, and coming up to 12 minutes..now
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︎ Nov 16 2020
Why was the writer kicked off of the movie set?
π︎ 14
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︎ Nov 15 2020
What did the dad buffalo say to his kid when he dropped him off to school?
π︎ 13
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︎ Nov 25 2020
The prosecutor offered the ballet dancer two choices after she did not pay her mountain of parking tickets. A) Say guilty, pay them off, and get probation for 6 months or B) Say Not Guilty and go to trial and perhaps serve 6 months in jail.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
Where do veggies go after they get off the airplane?
π︎ 12
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︎ Nov 22 2020
What did Apple call the small country they bought off the coast of Wales?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
Every year hundreds of children are shipped off to mime school
Never to be heard from again.
π︎ 49
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︎ Oct 27 2020
I just told a dad joke so shit my wife shouted at me and stormed off (not a joke)
She said I wish you would put as much effort into life as you do your shitty jokes. It wasnt even that bad.
The man on the news said "...in the run up to christmas stores are already announcing record sales"
I said "thats not news HMV* announces record sales everyday".
*HMV is a music shop.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
If you took the shell off a snail...
Would it be faster...
Or abit sluggish?
π︎ 14
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︎ Nov 18 2020
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 23 2020
I used to get told off about calling people out
Now I just use their names.
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Came home from the store with off-brand vegetable oil
wife threw it directly in the trash to teach me a wesson
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 27 2020
This year, I'm swearing off Thanksgiving leftovers...
I'm quitting cold-turkey.
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 27 2020
How does a plumber take off his shoes?
π︎ 10
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︎ Nov 16 2020
The wedding went off without a hitch.
The groom stormed off and all the guests started fighting.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
I accidentally ripped a page off my dictionary
After re-checking it, I found out that little to nothing was missing.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeling gun
Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.
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π
︎ Aug 09 2020
A pun that really flows off the tongue
π︎ 32
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︎ Oct 03 2020
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying heβd walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
Heβll come around, eventually.
π︎ 16k
π
︎ May 17 2020
To the person who took my iPhone off the dinner table, when I was distracted.
I hope you face time soon.
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 10 2020
Took a month off work and went to India to find myself...
I was nowhere to be seen.
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 16 2020
Made this one up myself. Hope you like! Did you know there is a Mr Potatohead knock off?
π︎ 102
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︎ Sep 11 2020
If you cut off your left hand, your right hand will be left.
π︎ 26
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︎ Oct 18 2020
Taking the shell off a snail wouldn't make it faster...
... It would make it more sluggish
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 18 2020
What did the father buffalo say to his kid while dropping him off at school?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 19 2020
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