The Beatles were anxious that their name might turn off pun enthusiasts.
βCause insects puns really bug them...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 16 2020
A friend of mine is quite well known for sweeping girls off their feet.
Heβs an extremely aggressive janitor.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Apr 18 2021
The gun actually goes off in the 2nd...
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
Heβll come around eventually.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
Shop assistant fought off armed robber with his labeling gun.
Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.
π︎ 185
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
If your ever in a sword fight, try to chop their feet off
Then you will de-feet him
π︎ 113
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
Why do divers fall off the boat backwards?
Because if they fell forward theyβd still be on the boat.
π︎ 93
π
︎ Apr 15 2021
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night
π︎ 312
π
︎ Mar 15 2021
I've suspected my Wife of adding extra soil to our garden, so I confronted her about it, but she just shrugged it off..
π︎ 618
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
I told my son, look the church has locked up the door and turned off their lights. He said, what's that got to do with anything? I said well,...
π︎ 279
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side cut off?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
I made some ideas into images to put on to phone cases. This is my favourite - Get Off Your High Horse
π︎ 24
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
Singers might open doors with their talents, but thieves can do it off key.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 31 2021
I thanked him for cleaning my driveway. But he just brushed it off.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 21 2021
Someone is stealing tires off of police cars in my area
The police are working tirelessly to arrest him.
π︎ 158
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?
Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
What was the frog doing jumping off the bridge?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
I was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on my mobile and the feed shut off.
I got a text from my mobile provider saying Iβd exceeded my monthly Data allowance.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
Why can't the devil make money off of Youtube?
Because he keeps getting demonetized.
π︎ 94
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
My wife took off with a tractor salesman.
Left me with a John Deere Letter.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Mar 22 2021
What did the dying cowboy say right before he shuffled off his mortal coil?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff.
π︎ 71
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
I was walking past a field and saw a couple of guys stealing the steps off a fence.
A lady came up to me and said 'Aren't you going to stop them?'
I said 'No. That's not my stile.'
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
Got banned off of r/wholesome memes
for posting Swiss cheese jokes
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
Handing this off to r/historymemes for a Belgian Congo comment chain
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
What do you call someone who won't get off your lawn?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
Dad, why did they cut off people's hands for theft in the past?
Hmm. I'm going out on a limb here, but I think they just wanted them to hand something back.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
My employer now gives two weeks off to recover from the vaccine.
They call it Modernaty leave.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 04 2021
I took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him faster.
It didn't work, now he is more sluggish....
π︎ 83
π
︎ Mar 31 2021
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasantβs head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Dukeβs son and knocked him off the battle field.
Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.
π︎ 56
π
︎ Mar 22 2021
To everyone freezing their asses off in Texas
Go stand in the corner, itβs 90 degrees.
π︎ 70
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
So this plane takes off, am I right??
...I guess not every joke lands
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
My monkey friend says that he can use martial arts to fight off disease. I think he's tricking me and he says
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
When I'm running late dropping my kids off at daycare, I call in to my 8am Zoom meeting from my car.
I call it, "phoning it in."
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
One day, my friend started falling randomly. But when he took his footwear off, he was fine!
Turns out he was wearing slippers.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Apr 06 2021
There are 2 types of people in this world: 1: People who can extrapolate information based off of incomplete data
π︎ 21
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
What do you call a guy who just had his arm torn off?
π︎ 26
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
Do you know why scuba divers roll backwards off a boat?
It's because if they rolled forward, they'd just go into the boat.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 06 2021
Pulled this off on my friend Lmao
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
What do you call a knock-off lego rug with political views?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
Canβt believe someone rubbed one off, in elevator
π︎ 59
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
I just tried chasing a bunch of female geese off my lawn...
as I was chasing them the female geese kept yelling, " Hunk, hunk, hunk, hunk.".
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 12 2021
My wife told me sheβll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
Iβm not too worried, I think sheβs jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
π︎ 521
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
been an hour, either blew her Sock-rates off or id better Apollo-gize
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
What do you call a guy who just got a leg bitten off by a lion?
π︎ 63
π
︎ Mar 04 2021
i cant believe i got fired from the calendar factory, all i did was take a day off.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
An employee asks: "Can I have a week off around christmas?"
Boss: "Its may."
Employee: "Sorry, may I have a week off around christmas?"
π︎ 42
π
︎ Mar 18 2021
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
But if anything, it made him more sluggish.
π︎ 387
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
