Texas Prisoner Found Dead After Consuming Smuggled Fish Eggs

He died on Death Roe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CalmingVisionary
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I was in a bar in Texas, when a man walks in wearing a paper cowboy hat, a paper shirt, paper jeans,paper chaps and paper boots.

Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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How does a senior manager from Texas greet his superior? /r/Big4/comments/jroq6k/h…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/windsor_ty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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I'd make a Texas holdem joke

But I think it would be a flop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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How do people in San Antonio, Texas like their pie?

Alamo'd

Best part about this joke is that it's easy to remember.🀠

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brydaro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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Something sweet I found in Texas
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoTheAngryToe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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As if 2020 wasn't crazy enough in Texas today, a herd of cows suddenly burst into flames.

Scientists still don't know what the cattle-lyst was.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TigerDiesel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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How much was Texas Instruments fined when they were caught offering free breast augmentation procedures to employees?

$5,318,008

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IMightNotBeKevin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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Why did the man decide to get divorced in Texas?

He remembered the alimony.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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I walked into a car showroom in Texas and asked if they had any German cars. The salesman said β€œAudi?” ...

I said β€œHello, do you have any German cars?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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Some people say the land North of Texas is pretty rough

But I think it's OK

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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Texas Lady

Hello darling," breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action."

""Listen Dude," drawled the lil' Texas lady, "If y'all can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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I’m going to open an ice cream shop in Texas called *Remember the A La Mode*.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/derricko31
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
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I want to get a tattoo of Texas around my butthole

Cause you don't mess with Texas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/swampgfox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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I heard there’s a place on the border of Texas and Mexico that is making giant manned robots.

It’s called Tex-Mechs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mortalfloater
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
How do cars greet each other in Texas?

β€˜Audi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/0LORD-VADER0
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I didn't really know how to play Texas Hold Em but luckily my friend was by my side to assist with raising and calling...

He was aiding and a-betting!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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I once played Texas Hold Em against a sheet of paper.

It folded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bonanza86
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a magician in Texas the other day. His name was...

Howdini

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skystrike7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Stay safe Texas.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DawnOfArkham
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Hiking with my dad while growing up in Texas. Every time.

Tapping on a rock one of us is resting on or using to tie a shoelace, "You know, some people take this stuff for granite."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunnysaurus_Rex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2015
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Why did the chicken cross the road in Texas?

To prove to the armadillo that it could be done.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicGuy66
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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All my exes live in Texas.

Funny enough, so do all my cousins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickmidas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
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Did you hear about the Texas Roadhouse tightroping waitress competition?

It was hard for the girls to have fun since the steaks were so high.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukethelogician
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a muslim living in Texas?

A yeehawdist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/machucogp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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Texas Chain Store Mascara
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orgone-demagorgon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
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Who is that Texas politician who is on a high fat, low carb diet?

Keto O’Rourke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hew3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
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My dad says that in Texas, there are only two kinds of mosquitoes

The kind that's small enough to fly through the screen door.

And the kind that's big enough to open it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CH1CK3NW1N95
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
🚨︎ report
So, I hear in Texas there's this foreign car factory which is the only place in the world where they make...

...the Audi Partner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/florinandrei
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas are all about to Outlaw Interstate Homelessness

These four states are all against the Oklahoma panhandle.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
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I was looking at a treehouse with my realtor near the airport in northeast Texas when I asked my realtor...

What is this Dallas-Fort Worth?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dopeghostandy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2014
🚨︎ report
German-English baroque music played across northern Texas.

Texan Pan-Handel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call the frontman of a popular one-man band from Texas?

A lone star.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SimpleMastodon
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I was nervous to move from California to Texas

I didn't want to catch the blue bonnet plague

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dsherwoodmathman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What is a Texas pharmacist's favorite song?

All my RX's live in Texas.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tawa_Blue
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
🚨︎ report
ringolio comments on [North Texas] Found this guy and a smaller, lighter colored one on my car after a short but hard rain reddit.com/r/whatsthisbug…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/khayber
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2015
🚨︎ report
My Texas History professor.

Kids think they're so subtle trying to text. If I see someone looking in their crotch and smiling all I'm thinking is "God I hope they're texting".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TuskenRaiders
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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Texas has a brother.

His name is Texbro.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2016
🚨︎ report
Why do Texas desserts always have ice cream?

Because they remember the alamo-de.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PKMKII
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2016
🚨︎ report

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