Texas, Our Texas Puns

Him: if in July we have hot dogs what do we have in February?
Me: what, dad? Him: chili dogs!

So my grandfather and grandmother just drove to our house from Texas and brought all their necessities for the next few days. As we were unloading their car, my grandma pulls out a bag of cosmetics and medications and joked that it was everything they needed. Instantly, my grandfather said, "Hey, that bag could make you pretty sick."

Damn it, Papa.

we were driving back from a trip to Saint Louis to our home in Texas

Mom: We're in Oklahoma!

Sister: Awesome!

Dad: nah, it's not awesome. It's just OK.

My sister is on a road trip from Utah to Texas. She has been periodically updating us with her location.

Sister 1: Raton, New Mexico
Dad: That's a big rat.
Sister 1: Dalhart, Texas
Dad: Woohoo... How's it going?
Sister 1: Great. Everything is flat and smells like cows, but I don't see any cows.
Dad: Those are the iBoTs (invisible Bovines of Texas), they wander around making methane and distributing it free of charge. And the landscape is that way because of the flat-ulence.
Sister 2: Oh my gosh dad stop
Me: He can't. There is an honor code among dads. We must joke whenever the opportunity presents itself. It's our respunsibility.
Dad: I'm so proud.
Me: Hi so proud, I'm dad.