I once did a theater performance on puns...
Just figured I’d announce that I’ll be doing a theatrical performance on puns later this week.
Does this belong on puns, punions
I am writing a drama on puns.
It's going to be a play on words.
This changed my outlook on puns.
Update on pun request for Orcas, Opinions needed!
So I’ve been writing a paper about how Seaworld should not be keeping their orcas in captivity. Should the title be:
“Seaworld’s Porpoise; Where Happiness Tanks”
or
“Thanks, but No Tanks”
Feel free to help me come up with some variation if you don’t like either. (:
Wingfield Brothers Inc: Degree project. A hypothetical company which make products based on puns.
I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work.
She said how do you know he was headed to work?
originally posted on r/tumblr by u/MaetelofLaMetal
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
so I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently.
And conducting himself properly.
There are 3 men on a boat.
Each has a cigarette, but nothing to light it with.
So one man throws his cigarette into the water, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Not a joke for written context, but one you can use on your family.
You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"
They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.
Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.
Emphasis on laundry rotation
my grandfather said this today on the dinner table and i was the only one that found it hilarious for no reason at all
G : what type of apples grow on trees ?
my dumbass : idk red and green ?
G : all of them do
wheezes
Whenever my artistic girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body....
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
I spent my entire life savings on pasta.
It was worth every penne.
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..
..they make me feel even number.
I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus.
Thats how i lost my job as a bus driver
My dad wanted to post something on Reddit and I told him there’s specific subs he would want to post on and certain ways to post
And he responded “oh so there’s reddiquette to it then”
(Also he’s on Reddit now so if he sees this then hi dad)
I just found out the Mortal Kombat theme was based on something old
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the street.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
I saw male wigs on sale for $1
It’s a small price toupee
Two potatoes are standing on the street corner. How do you know which one’s a prostitute?
The one with the stickers that says IDAHO 😂
6:30 is the best time on a clock.
A lot of the jokes on this sub are just terrible, but at the end of the day...
Hi there, I'm Buzz Aldrin, the second person to ever walk on the moon..
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
BREAKING NEWS: Scientists launch sneak attack on the periodic table.....
Add the element of surprise.
saw a girl with a tattoo of a tree on her breast, seems like it would be painful...
I switched all the labels on my wife’s spice rack
She doesn’t know it yet, but her thyme’s cumin
Why you should knock on fridge before opening it?
Because there could be a salad dressing.
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
I forgot to post this on Pi Day. Oh well! The Argyle Sweater for 3/14/21
This one’s on a whole new level
I overdosed on viagra the other day
It was the hardest day of my life
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
I'm trying to eat more kale because it's healthy. But when I see it on my plate, I ask myself...
Do the ends really justify the greens?
Found this on r/technicallythetruth
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
My friend broke his leg, so I wrote, "You're stupid " on his cast.
I was adding insult to injury
One time I posted 10 jokes in a row, hoping at least one would make Dads laugh on r/dadjokes
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
My roof caved in on me... and I no longer feel safe.
I think I have truss issues
This ice truck on my way to work.
I once did a theatrical performance on puns
I did a theatrical performance on puns.
I once attended a theatrical performance on puns
I told my niece that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning.
She said, "How do you know it was on it’s way to work?”
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