That’s What I’m Tolkien About: Lord of the Rings in Puns. youtu.be/5HQPyZyJYJQ
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mhighton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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Taxpayers frustrated over giant rubber duck, gets the government involved in puns. youtube.com/watch?v=Z_URa…
πŸ‘︎ 155
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MEGA__MAX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2017
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[Meta] Don't half ass a pun, Go in puns blazing (resubmit)
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
🚨︎ report
So do you call person who's really good in pun as pun master?

Or a pundit? I think I spun it incorrectly.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sub_o
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2014
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I would date him in a heartbeat
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lady_hagrid
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?

……..

Or just a low ha? Don’t downvote me πŸ₯ΊπŸ‘‰πŸ‘ˆ

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
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I asked my wife to describe me in a few words

She said:

I'm mature

I'm moral

I'm polite

And, by and large, I'm perfect

Don't know why she then accused me of having "a fundamental incapability to understand the proper use of apostrophes and spacing" though....

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OpthomacePrime
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
Whenever my wife is upset I let her color in my black and white tattoos

She just really needed a shoulder to crayon

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trevor557
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
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How do you keep a Redditor in suspense?

[deleted]

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eternal_Punshine
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
At the weekend, I like to play chess with elderly men in the park. But it's becoming increasingly harder..

..to find exactly 32 of them.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
My 5 year old told me this today - Dad, how does a farmer count all his animals in the barn?

With a cowculator!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonSnohthathurt
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?

HDMI

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimvandashian
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
What is the fastest growing city in the world?

Capital of Ireland

It's Dublin everyday

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeaPanties
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.

And then you will all be sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
How do you cut the ocean in half?

With a sea-saw.

πŸ‘︎ 890
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoganWren
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places."

He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,

β€œthank you for your cervix.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rusto_Dusto
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
I've started a boat building business in my attic...

...sails are going through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xholdsteadyx
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
My wife has started doing lunges to get in shape

It's a big step forward for her

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImprudentGoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!

Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nikolai_G
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7keletor
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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3 in 1
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thehawkplays
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
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A man walks in to a bar with a piece of asphalt

The man says to the bartender β€œ1 for me, and 1 for the road”

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ May 17
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Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?

Because it'll blow his cover

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/p_tally
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth

Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.

First post in this sub, be gentle

πŸ‘︎ 797
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamcalifornia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
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True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.

"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."

Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jewyouevenlift
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?

They’re both Paris sites

πŸ‘︎ 990
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntuso
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
Falling in love is dangerous.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediAditya
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
I wish Covid-19 had started in Las Vegas.

Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtosThunder
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn't you put more than 239 beans in a soup?

Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.

Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oak05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
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My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.

I call him Dr. Awkward

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moc_gordy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between in-laws & out-laws?

Outlaws are wanted

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/havenotredditt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
Get that extra pep in your step from this well
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crimson_Spear1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
The cast of β€œFriends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.

Because Lisa Kudrow.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
I'm in a band called Dyslexia....

We've just released our Greatest Shit album.

πŸ‘︎ 731
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 17
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At least he won't turn over in his grave.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rainbowarriorhere
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
My Mother-in-law is 80% Irish

People call her Iris.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimvandashian
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I am reading a horror novel in Braille.

Something bad is gonna happen, I can feel it.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket,

You can hide, but you can’t run!

πŸ‘︎ 280
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5x13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
Punny Electrician in Florida
πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JOALMON
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter, β€œGo to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, β€œWhat’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."

"It’s pasture bedtime!”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
I know a handful of jokes in sign language.

I guarantee no one has ever heard them!

πŸ‘︎ 380
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superpie5
πŸ“…︎ May 29
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My buddy called and asked me to meet him at the record shop in 45...

I made it in 33, which is record speed.

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiosMioMan2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
What is Dr. Pepper’s PHD in?

Fizz-icks

πŸ‘︎ 227
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πŸ‘€︎ u/touchrubfeels
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
What do lawyers wear in court?

Law Suits

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
How do you measure a snake? In inches, because they don’t have feet.

But you measure rattlesnakes in meters, because they have rhythm.

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Satchmoi
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
There are 10 types of people in the world:

Those who know binary and those who don't.

πŸ‘︎ 196
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fuzed_Canadian
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
Lots of Corona cases in Lidl
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iwantmyteslanow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
Soup (I know it’s from Instagram but that’s why I kept the @ of the account in)
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shabdo_
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
What flavour is the toothpaste in jail?

Imprisonmint.

πŸ‘︎ 578
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mountaincre8or
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report

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