If you spell the words “Absolutely Nothing” backwards, you get “Gnihton Yletulosba,” which ironically means...
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
Yesterday, my friend and I got into an argument over which vowel was the best
Which is the most successful fruit? mElon Musk
Two cats are on a metal roof. Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest μ
Which villain doesn't pay their taxes?
Help me come up with puns which include the name Todd
Which bread discovered America?
Which man did Jaro kill?
My wife asked me which paddle I wanted to use in the boat...
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
Which kind of car problem is worse:
Which name for a man is the most colourful?
Which mountains have the best nuts?
Which animals are the biggest nerds?
Fish, because they spend all their time in schools
Which Star Wars character works in a restaurant?
Which bird is always out of breath?
Which program do jedi use to open PDFs?
Bounty Paper Towels has introduced a drone which will retrieve a TV remote from anywhere in your house...
It’s the “Clicker Picker Upper.”
Disclaimer: this is my 5 year old son's joke. He is a dad in the making. "Everest is the biggest mountain. Mount Fuji is the prettiest. Which mountain is the stinkiest?"
On which side of the earth should you build a house?
Which rapper can you find in the refrigerator?
How to tell which end of a worm is the head?
You tickle it. The end that laughs is the head.
Credit: My 7y.o nephew
Which color is the fastest?
Red, because it is always redy
Today, my son asked: "Can I have a bookmark?". To which I instantly started crying
After all these years, he still doesn't know my name is Dave...
Today is PI day, which always makes me hungry for pie
Now a slice of pie in the United States will set you back $5
But in the Bahamas and Aruba you can buy that same slice of pie for just $1
Yep. Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Which rock group has four members and doesn't sing?
Which superhero is be the best at baseball?
Which is the astronaut's favorite key on the keyboard?
Which African country is TESLA founder Elon Musk from?
(It just came to me and I had to share it. I'm so sorry)
I'm putting together a book of tried and true recipes, none of which will include thyme as an ingredient.
>!I've decided the title is going to be 'Thymeless Classics'!<.
Which Spice Girl can hold the most petrol?
Which is the bird that can do the things that you can do, as well?
Which weapon does the Grim Reaper use in the winter?
Which animal has the biggest breasts
Which movie director used to be a lumberjack?
Which one of the bees do all the sick bees in the beehive go to?
Which member of the Addams Family loves dead memes?
It is Wednesday, my dudes.
Pooh can't calculate the angle at which his friend magically conjured a kitschy garden ornament.
He's not good with tigger-gnome-hat-trick equations.
Which one runs faster? Hot or Cold?
Hot, because anyone can catch a cold.