I can’t believe it’s not butter!
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
Yale is a university for those who may not know
No no it’s not sbread that’s the stuff you put on the bread.
There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.
Why is dark written with a K not a C?
Because you can't C in the dark
You can shoot people with mayonnaise, but not other condiments
Your crimes will then ketchup to you.
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"
Idk if this is repost or not..
If there’s a line of gay people, it’s not a straight line...
Hammer - This is Not a Drill
My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.
This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.
Not so friendly after all
I’m not sure why people refer to women’s privates as a flower
Eye did not see that coming
When is a door not a door?
Not a dad, but I have a good one
kid: RERErRErerErRerererererEreRerrerereRrErrrErEre!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?
Dad: Calm down! My ears hertz!!!
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
not to start any debate but..blue is cool.
A priest does not tell dad jokes
Not a repost, it's a crosspost or something, anyway, enjoy.
My Dad just said this one in the drive-thru not 2 minutes ago
First Window staffer, who takes the payment: "Hi, it's $7.30 (said like 'seven-thirty')
My Father: "No it's not, it's only 1 o' clock"
Thought this pun was original. It is not.
I can’t believe it’s not...
When visiting Hawaii, you're not allowed to laugh out loud.
IntellectuaL or something like that IDK I'm not that smart
What is blue and not heavy?
Light blue
Edit: Thank you fellow internet strangers for all the awards!
Twenty Twenty won, and we're not out of the water yet! 2022 is Twenty Twenty too!
Some people think it's inappropriate to make a dad joke if you're not a dad.
Not cool Dad...not cool
So my dad's telling my relatives the story of how my mom was in labor for 12 hours so they named me 'Laura' which if you say it in Vietnamese accent it's 'Lau-ra' which means "Long time to come out"...
IMAGINE FINDING OUT AFTER 21 YEARS YOUR NAME IS A FUCKING PUN ..
My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.” I was home in 5 minutes.
I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.
Played a game with friends...was not disappointed!
I'm not supposed to eat anything too suite.
Women should not have babies after 40.
Here’s a little early access to a pun I made. I’m not sure if this joke has been said before but I hope not. I love making up puns
i do not think they were fans of my pun.
I’m not saying he’s dumb
But he does think an asset is a little donkey.
I used to not like my body hair
This is NOT a repost stop saying it is
It turns out the capitol rioter did NOT accidentally kill himself with a taser to the balls and the story was just made up to disrespect him...
I don't think anyone is shocked.
(Source: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/capitol-riot-taser-death)
When people find out I’m not a very good electrician
What a brand name. Could not resist.
I kept telling my brother not to put the Q-tip in too deep, but he never listens to my words.
It goes into one ear, and out the other.
If someone does not like Elon Musk
...are they an Anti-Musker?
(Courtesy of my boyfriend, I'll show myself out)
Why should you not fart in Apple store?
Because there are no windows.
When is a door not a door?
Why was the lamp not heavy?
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