A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
Yale is a university for those who may not know
There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.
Why is dark written with a K not a C?
Because you can't C in the dark
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"
Idk if this is repost or not..
If there’s a line of gay people, it’s not a straight line...
Hammer - This is Not a Drill
Eye did not see that coming
Not a dad, but I have a good one
kid: RERErRErerErRerererererEreRerrerereRrErrrErEre!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?
Dad: Calm down! My ears hertz!!!
When is a door not a door?
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
not to start any debate but..blue is cool.
A priest does not tell dad jokes
Not a repost, it's a crosspost or something, anyway, enjoy.
My Dad just said this one in the drive-thru not 2 minutes ago
First Window staffer, who takes the payment: "Hi, it's $7.30 (said like 'seven-thirty')
My Father: "No it's not, it's only 1 o' clock"
Thought this pun was original. It is not.
When visiting Hawaii, you're not allowed to laugh out loud.
I can’t believe it’s not...
Some people think it's inappropriate to make a dad joke if you're not a dad.
Twenty Twenty won, and we're not out of the water yet! 2022 is Twenty Twenty too!
Not cool Dad...not cool
So my dad's telling my relatives the story of how my mom was in labor for 12 hours so they named me 'Laura' which if you say it in Vietnamese accent it's 'Lau-ra' which means "Long time to come out"...
IMAGINE FINDING OUT AFTER 21 YEARS YOUR NAME IS A FUCKING PUN ..
What is blue and not heavy?
Light blue
Edit: Thank you fellow internet strangers for all the awards!
Played a game with friends...was not disappointed!
I'm not supposed to eat anything too suite.
My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.” I was home in 5 minutes.
I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.
Here’s a little early access to a pun I made. I’m not sure if this joke has been said before but I hope not. I love making up puns
I used to not like my body hair
Women should not have babies after 40.
It turns out the capitol rioter did NOT accidentally kill himself with a taser to the balls and the story was just made up to disrespect him...
I don't think anyone is shocked.
(Source: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/capitol-riot-taser-death)
i do not think they were fans of my pun.
This is NOT a repost stop saying it is
If someone does not like Elon Musk
...are they an Anti-Musker?
(Courtesy of my boyfriend, I'll show myself out)
What a brand name. Could not resist.
I may not be a dad, but....
The last Christmas season made me into a real father figure!
What do you call a person who thinks he or she has not earned enough money?
My son might not be the best roofer in the world
Six is not afraid of Seven in Germany.
A Russian named Rudolph looked out of his window one day and told his wife not to go out without an umbrella. His wife asked ”What makes you say that”?
He replied ”Rudolph the red knows rain dear”.
I was told not to eat the candy in court...
My wife doesn't like the Mazda SUV I bought. I know this is not the greatest SUV in the world
What sea/ocean does not have water?
Not to brag, but I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Wife asked for popcorn. She was not amused.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
(hAH)
I must admit, I joined this subreddit despite not being a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
Edit: This took off a lot better than I expected.
I feel like a father figure now.
Why was the lamp not heavy?
What's blue and not very heavy?
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