I’ve been good. No ice cream on Thursday. None on Friday. None on Saturday.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
As we drove past Ikea, my dad began one of his rants “Why do people want Swedish furniture? The fancy closet in my bedroom was built by a good ol’ fashioned local carpenter, none of this foreign import rubbish!” He was surprisingly vocal...
I'm putting together a book of tried and true recipes, none of which will include thyme as an ingredient.
>!I've decided the title is going to be 'Thymeless Classics'!<.
A basso, I could hit none of the notes for the solo of the opera, A Streetcar Named Desire...
But that's not my aria of expertise.
None of the other subs seem to appreciate my festive Gingerbread house. Maybe you folks would appreciate it?
What rock group has only four members and none of them sing?
I bet none of you will see this one coming
None of my Co-workers are left handed.
Master of None•••Pastor of Muppets
In my defense, I have none
I have figured out why none of my friends like my cheesy jokes and puns.
They are laughtose intolerant.
What do you call a farm when none of the cows give milk?
I got these for Christmas. None are very GOUDA, but they’re so stupid I still laugh
Definitely not mine, but punny none the less.
The problem with Freudian psychology is that none of his hypotheses are testicle.
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work
I called five different businesses to fix the leak in my roof - none did.
But Seal Team Six got the job done!
The very best, bar none. [OC]
Why do they call them fun fair games when none of them are actually fair...?
The aviary I visited had many birds but none of what I really wanted to see. I had a good time anyway.
My niece was talking mussels from her father's bowl and left none for him.
Me: Did you just take all of your dad's mussels?
Her, grinning: Yup!
Me: Isn't that a little shellfish?
(Explosion of laughs from the children and eye rolls from the adults)
I bought a book of magic tricks. It’s badly written and none of the tricks work.
I guess the magician writer didn’t use spell check.
Recently, my father passed away in the hospital. He had a cardiac problem, and we needed to perform a blood transfusion in order to save him. Unfortunately, none of us knew his blood type.
As he was dying, he kept telling us to "be positive," but it's incredibly hard to without him.
I went knife shopping today but returned empty handed. None of them made the cut
Brendon Urie just flipped out because none of his electronics have been able to work
He had a panic at the Cisco
Bruh, now i know why none of my posts have blown up, it's coz i asked to have them all in one piece yesterday.
None of my cleaners got the stain out, so I gave up.
My wife said I lacked Resolve.
There once was a farm, famed for the high quality of product from the award winning cows, many spoke of it in hushed, respectful tones, but none could say where it was, and many claimed, but none could prove that they had been there.
10 puns were standing in a line to see which one was the best, but none of them won. No pun in ten did.
I wanted to write a joke about sodium but then I was like na none of ya’ll will get it
Tried Indian food for the first time. They recommended the Chicken Pakora appetizer, but I was having none of it.
For me it was a Naan starter.
None of the planets in our solar system have shown interest in a relationship with Pluto
He's just too cold and distant.
Bonus punchline.. They just want a platonic friendship
How come none of the animals on the ark could play cards?
Because Noah was standing on the deck
Credit to my dad who said this 2 seconds ago
I bet none of you will see this one coming
What’s a rock group of 4, where none of them sing?
I bet none of you see this one coming.
I bet none of you will see this one coming
I bet none of you will see this one coming
I know a lot of jokes about retired people but none of them work!
I bet none of you will see this one coming
I bet none of you saw this one coming....
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