1.) A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, ‘Uno, dos…” and poof! He disappeared without a tres.
2.) I use mucho with my Spanish friends.... it means a lot to them.
3.) Q. Why does Michael J Fox make the finest milkshakes? A. He uses the finest ingredients
4.) Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
5.) People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.
6.) Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
7.) I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
8.) Q. What’s brown and sticky? A. A stick
9.) Q. What’s slippery and a foot long A. A slipper
I’ve got more but I don’t want this post to be too long so I’ll leave it at that. If I get enough upvotes I’ll call up my stepdad for more. Let me know which are you’re favourites.
How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? (Ten-tickles)
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? (Cause then it’d be a foot!)
Why can’t a bicycle stand up on its own? (It’s two tired)
I will go first . .. . A guy three bays across at the range this morning talking about his new Sim2 5 wood: "I call it Mother Teresa, because it will forgive anything."
The real joke is in the comets
Claim any lame or childish one liner jokes. If anything related to Singapore will be best 😂
E.g. what is lighter than brown ? Ans: Light Brown 😂. My wife rolled eyes backwards
Thank you all for the creative input.. do keep it coming so that everyone can use the jokes. Making rolled eyes one day at a time.
It’s so true isn’t it? The nastiest most backward brain numbing hate comes in the form of their “love”.
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Today is Go to an Art Museum Day! When is the last time you were in an art museum? Do you have a favorite work of art, or a favorite artist?
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Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said "I don't know about you but I can smell carrots."!
Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
There were two biscuits, on a plate, all ready for Santa to eat. One biscuit decided to go and hide in the biscuit tin as it didn't want to get eaten. As it was going to the kitchen, Santa came in and stood on it and all the other biscuit could say was 'Crumbs'
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do stand up.
Last night my wife and I were talking. We've been married 20 years. She was just laying on me and it can get hard to breathe like that. She noticed I was struggling to breathe and said, "At least I still take your breath away."
Am I the only person who caught:
"Dan Quayle...was not on my bingo card for the Savior of Democracy."
Anybody caught Bucky’s lines in the Pilot episode of What if like:
“Come on steve, we don’t have all day”
“I NEED A HANDDDDD!”
EDIT: I just noticed it had so many other lines, i didn’t paid attention during the first time
Christmas has always been a bit stressful, I'm one of 5 siblings and always tried my best to include my mother once I started my own family - invited her for my sons first Christmas along with his other grandparents and was told "no thank you, they're not my family and I shouldn't be forced to spend a day with them" fair enough, I just wanted everyone to be included on his first Christmas. A few years later I invited her again, she said she wasn't sure what her plans were then went on to complain to the wider family no one had invited her and she'd be alone for Christmas!? My older brother invited her to his and she jumped at the chance (bit of background,I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters and she's always even vocal about her boys being her favourite) this was possibly 15 years ago now and I told her then I'd never ever invite her for Christmas again, she's said it's been long enough and how long can I hold a grudge?
We don't have a great relationship, its strained due to her obviously favoritism amongst other things. We're civil though and my eldest child (21) moved out to live with her 2 years ago. Christmas is coming up and my eldest has asked to come spend it with me and their siblings. This will leave my mother on her own and the guilt trips are starting again. To be fair, if she'd even acknowledged what she'd done was wrong and hurtful I'd be more inclined to invite her, but she really thinks I'm wrong for not inviting her after I said I wouldn't. AITA for sticking to my word for 15 years?
**ETA: my eldest child is my daughter, not my son. I lived with my mother during my eldest daughters first Christmas which is why she didn't need an invite to her first Christmas. Also, I was asking of ITA for not inviting my mother. Wasn't expecting to be psychologically analysed for my eldest daughter living with her. Me having a strained relationship with my mother doesn't mean we've had NO relationship. It's only been the last 4 years I've cut contact and obviously my eldest has formed a bond with her grandma.
_
Hi, everyone! The title says it all. I'm not sure who the most popular player is/who a kid would want the most. Fitzpatrick? Watt? Harris? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!
EDIT: Based on all your feedback, it seems like Watt is the way to go. (Home? Away?) But I love that Najee Harris story posted below, so I think I'll get a Harris shirsey to go along with it.
Thank you all :)
Males are just females without the fes
Fes can be forced to sound like Fees, and woman have a stereotype of spending money
Welcome to Random Acts of Amazon
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Topic of the Day
Today is Fast Food Day! What is your fast food fave? Do you have a special splurge?
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Welcome to Random Acts of Amazon
This is the daily post. You can say a quick hello, discuss the Topic of the Day, or whatever suits you.
Topic of the Day
Today is Chocolate Day! What is your favorite way to celebrate chocolate? Do you have any favorite chocolate recipes?
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Welcome to Random Acts of Amazon
This is the daily post. You can say a quick hello, discuss the Topic of the Day, or whatever suits you.
Topic of the Day
Today is the absolutely most fantastic day in the whole wide world! And it is also Eat an Apple Day. DO you eat a lot of apples? Do you have a favorite apple treat?
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