Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
The plumber told me I installed the valve on my water softener wrong
I felt completely invalvidated
What did the beaver say when it slipped on water?
Last night, taking a walk on the beach... Came across a police car stuck in the sand about 3 feet from the water...I asked the driver what happened...
He said the police were expecting a crime wave
You can easily know ant’s gender by putting them on the water
If it sinks, girl ant, if it floats, buoyant.
Pretend you are on a raft in the middle of the ocean surrounded by sharks. You only have a one day supply of water and a harpoon. What do you do?
While we were out on the lake, my girlfriend swore she saw a bird dive into the water...
There was so much water on the pitch of my daughter's football match this morning.
They needed to bring on the Sub early.
My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...
They just didn't give a fork...
I saw a guy drink a bottle of brandy, then fill it to the top with water and screw the lid back on.
He approached a wild ox. The ox looked at him.
The guy said, "Hello, there, wild ox. Would you like to buy this bottle of brandy from me? £50, that is all."
The wild ox mulled it over, before pulling out the money and handing it over to the man.
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have jumped up and yelled, "It's a con, yak!"
Why did the curio cabinet go out on the water at night?
Because he was a Star-Skiin' Hutch.
What's the most sarcastic body of water on Earth ?
I've been so bored lately that I've been sprinkling water on people's lawns in the morning.
It gives me something to dew.
My friend was diagnosed with water on the brain...
We gave him a tap on the head and he is fine now.
The first time Prince Charles went white water rafting, he threw up on himself when the river grew turbulent...
What did the water buffalo say to his son as he was getting on the bus?
A king sat on his throne in his beautiful kingdom. Before him were three glasses set on a table. The first two are filled with water, but the third one is empty. What is the name of the king?
I was at the beach today and there was a group of pelicans not doing anything. I concentrated hard on one pelican and suddenly if flew out to the water, snagged a fish in his bill and flew back to shore. "Wow", I thought to myself..
Pelikinesis is a real thing.
You can tell the sex of ants by gently placing them on water. If they sink they are female, if not they're buoyant.
What did one body of water say to the other on Christmas day?
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
My dad asked me to turn on the water heater. To which I replied “It’s on”. Only to see my dad run across the kitchen yelling “It’s on okay bring it no holding back!”
In the summer, I earn money by sprinkling tiny drops of water every morning on the front yards of rich people.
I don’t earn much, but I make dew.
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
My son and a female classmate of his conducted an experiment involving boiling different elements in hot water. They each stood on one side of the experiment.
Seems like there's some chemistry happening between them.
Since pirates are on the water all the time, meat is scare and some are actually vegetarians.
They are called Pirates of the Carrot Bean.
This morning, my wife asked if I wanted her to throw out my can of sparkling water that had been on the counter all night.
I replied, "No I'll drink it. It's still water."
Watching divers on TV with my wife. I asked her “Do you know why divers fall backwards into the water?”
“Cause if they fell forwards they’d fall into the boat.”
I’ve never seen her eyes roll harder.
After slamming on my brakes to move a turtle from the road to a nearby body of water I turned to my wife...
... And said 'Honey, he will be e-turtle-y grateful.'
This is a true story, happened today.
Three whales fall out of an airplane. Two fell on the ground, one fell in the water.
Vasco de Balboa told the Queen of Spain, “I discovered a large body of water on my journey.”
She said, “Could you be a little more pacific?”
I was on an amazing cruise, eating dinner on the deck looking out over the water when I dropped my silverware off the edge and into the ocean.
What did the unappreciated on demand water heater say to the water softener?
Two ants, Jack and Rose, are sitting on a leaf on water. Suddenly, a small tide comes and upturns the leaf. Only the girl ant sinks…
…because the other is a buoy ant
My friend took a difficult test on the consistency of ground water today...
I said, well water doesnt sound that hard
"There's been water on the basement stairs since it rained. Make sure you don't step in it."
My freind was telling me her grievances about the sprinklers making water spots on her car
I told her that i have the same problem and find it very irrigating as well
Went petrol (gas) station to buy bottled water on the way to football.
Cashier asks if I want any fuel. 'I'm not that thirsty'. I grinned.
He didn't even smile.
TIL: If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Pretend you are on a raft in the middle of the ocean surrounded by sharks. You only have a one day supply of water and a harpoon. What do you do?
You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it on water. If it sinks it's a girl ant,
If it floats it's boy ant
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