A punny take on the coronavirus situation using movies/tv series as puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Viv3K_Banerjee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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Does this count as pun?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombeatZzZ
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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So do you call person who's really good in pun as pun master?

Or a pundit? I think I spun it incorrectly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sub_o
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2014
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(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.

I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoldaHolda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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Once, when working in a store, a man dressed as a a wizard approached the counter...

He said "Do I get any money off for having this big stick?"

I said "No sir, we don't offer staff discount".

πŸ‘︎ 667
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slatersays22
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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I identify as a man, my birth certificate says I’m a man, everybody I know says I’m a man...

and yet according to Kraft Dinner, I’m a 4-person family

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.

He smelled funny the whole day.

πŸ‘︎ 329
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zakk5450
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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I just got fired, and as severance, my company gave me a bag of used coffee.

They said it was grounds for termination.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvlpdillon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€˜This isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 332
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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My GF dressed up as a police woman and told me I was under arrest under the suspicion that I was good in bed c

After 3 mins all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence

πŸ‘︎ 811
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avinash333bhat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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Request: going into business as a wedding celebrant, looking for business name suggestions that are punny and memorable

Any ideas?

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bleedingrobot
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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Wish I was as smooth! :(
πŸ‘︎ 428
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PiccoloNeat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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While watching Harry Potter once, I said to my Dad β€œI wonder what the Hogwarts version of a dirty magazine would be” as Harry was rooting through his chest of things.

Without skipping a beat he said β€œWhorelocks.”

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πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.

It really came out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Why aren't koalas classified as bears?

Because they don't have the right koalafications!

πŸ‘︎ 172
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha_Supreme
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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My friends daily morning torture, as delivered by yours truly
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erasmusings
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
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As a family we couldn't decide whether to have our grandma buried or cremated ...

So we let her live.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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As the cop knocked on my door, I just stayed in complete silence. He then knocked again. Determined not to give myself away, I just stayed still.

Cop: "Do you think I am stupid ? I can see you through the window."

Mee: "You are not coming in."

Cop: "I don't want to come in. I want you to step out of your car !!"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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As summer approaches, it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.

But that’s just my two scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker

But when I got home all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piemamamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after giving my first lesson.

Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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My career as a street fighter didn't last very long.

I broke my hand punching a curb.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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Not sure if this qualifies as dad joke, but anyways here I go: I had to strongly disagree with a friend who accused me of being a severe fence-sitter

Then again, I get where he’s coming from.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musikcookie
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
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I was really scared when I started as a pilot. I looked down nervously and said: "What are all these buttons for?"

The co-pilot said: "They keep your shirt closed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megamouth2
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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What did the boy say as he accidentally fell down the slide?

Ah chute

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zanryll
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:

"This really takes me back".

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LynnOrtiz85
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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As one of the biggest fruit farmers in the country, I owe all of my success to my dear dad. I grew up as a kid who was scared of everything, and my dad always told me to

grow a pear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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Yup I do as well
πŸ‘︎ 391
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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As a kid I could walk into a store with a dollar and come out with 2 candy bars and a bag of chips

And now they have cameras.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flebrolo
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
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Giving Sub Zero the Mr Freeze quotes makes him not just the coolest of freezy puns, but the frozen one as well.
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Large-Wheel-4181
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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Just wondering, do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school..

..or am I just a terrible Teacher ?

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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I was confused as to how much lettuce to buy from the grocery store, so I called my wife.

Turns out two heads are better than one.

πŸ‘︎ 361
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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As a child, I was supposed to walk the plank

We couldn't afford a dog.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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My dad didn't love me as a child, but I don't blame him.

I wasn't born until he was an adult.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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What kind of ailment is having a gluten allergy known as?

Being Lack-Toast intolerant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOtherBrownEye
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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Bill Gates: Hey Melinda, can I keep the MS Office as part of the divorce settlement?

Melinda Gates: Bill, ...you have my Word.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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One day is all I lasted as a Mailman. Turned up on time in my shiny new uniform, was a handed a letter and thought to myself..

..this isn't for me.

πŸ‘︎ 355
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"A TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 262
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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I sexually identify as chocolate

My pronouns are Her-She

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RexDino1966
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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Last Halloween a girl dressed as the grim reaper came to my door with messy hair and asked me politely to fix it.

That night, I had a brush with death.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeWhenThe-ItsWhen
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I left my job as the restaurant manager after 3 years...

.. at that point I was beyond Karen.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I hated my job as a bowling alley union rep

They were always having strikes

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DapperDavidYT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....

And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
MY PARENTS RAISED ME AS AN ONLY CHILD

THIS REALLY ANNOYED MY YOUNGER SISTER.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/globevoyager_in
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend who grew up as an orphan officially became a priest yesterday.

He’s Father Les.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I once used Laughing Gas as a deodorant.

Smelt funny the whole day.

πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KimKeeling43
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself...

β€œThis takes me back.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonny1211
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report

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