Im going to release my next on AUgust.
Hopefully I get gold by then
Edit : Next pun*
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
Because I always take my shit to the next level
As a patriot, I have decided to buy my next Honda directly from Japan and pay the necessary tariffs.
It will...be my Civic duty.
Guess they should read the bio next time
I was putting a fork in an electric outlet. What happened next, shocked me!
I was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on my mobile and the feed shut off.
I got a text from my mobile provider saying I’d exceeded my monthly Data allowance.
Now for my next trick... making your voice louder than usual
Last night during a pretty aggressive thunderstorm, a huge lightening strike, along with an incredibly deafening thunder clap happened right next to our house.
Last night during a pretty aggressive thunderstorm, a huge lightening strike, along with an incredibly deafening thunder clap happened right next to our house. It was about 11pm and Susan was snuggled up to her Mother next to me in our bed. After a few seconds of Lori saying something soothing to our 9 year old she was holding, saying something like 'its ok, its just a little storm, we are safe...', I call out to our older 12 year old in her room just next door.
"Sarah!?" I called to her, in my normal tone to get her attention.
"Yeah? What?" She responded.
"Was that you?" I called back.
After a long pause Sarah replied "No Dad. That was thunder!"
I could not stop laughing.
Next time I'm on a roller coaster, I'm bringing some nuts and bolts with me.
When nearly on the top, scream with a panic voice at the guy infront, "LOOK BRO, THESE FELL OUT OF YOUR SEAT."
Prince Phillip is standing next to DMX in line for St. Peter, he's says "50?"
DMX respond "naw dawg that's a different rapper"
A comprehensive guide to take your Dad joke to the next level...
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
My dog just lazes around all day waiting for his next meal to be delivered.
Me: reading the “No Fences” sign next to the road
A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef
A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef. He invites 3 renowned chefs from all over the kingdom to serve him and the favorite will become the new royal chef!
The first chef serves the king an enormous rack of ribs. "Very impressive," said the king.
The second chef serves a huge steak, cooked to perfection. "So satisfying," said the king.
The third chef gives the king a plate with small rocks on a bed of shredded cabbage. "What the hell is this," the king asks.
The third chef says, "These rocks fell from the sky into my back yard. Indeed, ribs and steak are very meaty, but asteroids are meteor!"
The mad scientist awoke, thrilled to see his clone right next to him.
He was beside himself with excitement.
What do you call two horses that live next to eachother?
This next joke is about automotive aerodynamic surfaces...
Next time you go to the eye doctor say its nice to see you again
I asked my friend to come to the gym with me. He said he was busy for the next 7 days....
Bit of a week excuse if you ask me.
What do you call horses next door?
We live next door to the Pullovers.
They're a tight knit family.
The name of next year is literally
I'll make sure to control my anger next time
I put a piece of wood in my garage and came back the next day and there were two pieces. The day after 4 and the day after that 8!
I looked into taking a trip to Norway in the next ten years...
Why were the ants enthusiastic about next month?
They had to MARCH into April.
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....
A small rodent lives in a apartment next to my computer keyboard.
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes.
He’s a catholic converter.
Did you hear about the summer camp for aspiring models? They’re hiring counselors for next year, but it’s not for everyone.
The camp goers are pretty intense.
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......
......... The Times are really Rough!!!
Do you know what’s next after the USA?
Just seen that there's a nudist convention on in town next week....
...I might go if I've got nothing on
The next song is all about subtractions....
What planet is next to Uranus?
Everyone seems to think next year will bring back some comforts of normalcy
I’m not so convinced though since 2021 is guaranteed to be an odd year
In our next Dnd campaign, the 4 heroes are all going to be singing wizards.
A regular bard-ershop quartet.
My 11 year old and I were coming out of a store and someone just parked right next to our car.
She said. Our cars aren’t social distancing! You don’t want them to get ...CARona virus do you?
Proud moment.
Let me try uncle gravity next
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
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