Why is Sean Connery’s family so close-knit?

Because they share a special Bond.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
As this year is coming to a close, I find myself thinking about all the things I would have done differently.

Seems like I got 20/20 hindsight.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadSlingshoter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I was getting close to retiring and offered my compost business to my son.

He replied, β€œI refuse to work with compost! It’s so degrading!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoccerRN
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked me, "Why are the two planets coming close together?"

"Well, you see... When two planets love each other they can come together in holy astro nomy."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riskable
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Bought a Raspberry Bomb pudding for Xmas. Close to sell by date.

Better eat it before it goes off.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
grandpa told me: "if a door closes somewhere, another opens

he was a really bad cabinet maker...

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevin_flu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Dwayne Johnson is a really nice guy, so he always makes sure he's as close to the wall as possible...

He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/curioushom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
So close to being sad
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/note_than62
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather always said that when one door closes, another one opens.

He was a terrible cabinetmaker.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lwp1331
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandpa always told me "when one door closes another one opens."

A lovely and inspiring man...makes shit cabinets though.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Close your eyes.

It’s dark, isnβ€˜t it?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lydrian
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a Muslim close the door?

Islams it

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/33Fanste33
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The vegetable shop had to close

The vegetable shop had to close down. Why? IT WAS FULL OF LEEKS

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spinnaker190
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I came so close to singing "the lion sleeps tonight"

I was only a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SgtHedgehog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad always said "as one door closes another one opens"

He never quite got the hang of assembling Ikea furniture.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Benmark97
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the almond close the blinds?

Because her neighbour was always pecan.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leif_hans
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor got mad at me for planting my flowers too close to the fence...

I told them that they were still a few yards away.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAmerica80
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning when my wife closes the bedroom door in our 1-bedroom apartment I tell her...

Have a great day at work hunny.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReddiTurret
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?

You just have to listen varicosely.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OriginalCWP
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Close, but no cigar
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cdawg2112
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Ya know, I really like the singer Sia, but I'm a bigger fan of the band that always closes her concerts

Wouldn't Wanna Beya's

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dd1zzle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are the members of the Titanic survivors’ support group so close?

Everyone was in same boat.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_adamnguyen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Think of a number between 5 and 15. Multiply by 2, add 3, and subtract 7 from the answer. Now close your eyes.

Dark, isn’t it?

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandad always said: "When one door closes, another one opens"...

...Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

πŸ“· Removed - Punchline in title

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrGonzoDog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday my girlfriend and I went to a new(ish) sandwich shop for dinner, close to where she grew up.

Her: This building didn’t used to be here.

Me: Every building didn’t used to be there!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Show-Tune-Singer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s it called when a drake chases a female, getting nearer and nearer but never close enough to mate?

Zeno’s pair of ducks

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaggington
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Choose any number between 2 and 8. Multiply by 4, and then add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.

Dark, wasn’t it?

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a cyclist riding close to a steep cliff. He hit some gravel and veered away from the road toward the precipice. At the last minute he saved himself by jumping from his bike.

For a moment, I thought he was gone with the Schwinn.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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My grandpa used to say "When one door closes, another shall open"

He was a great man, but a terrible cupboard maker.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amraith
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that if you get really close to a lighter flame…

…it smells like burnt nose hair?

πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Hehehe close quarters....
πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jabookalakq
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why snipers always close an eye aming?

Because if they closed both they wouldn't see anything

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GelatoSilenzioso
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I wasn’t close to my father when he died

Which was a good thing, because he stepped on a land mine

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Locke12345
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m close to completing my collection of captioned photos showing lions sleeping.....

A meme away. A meme away.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrypticPragmatist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My furniture and I are really close

My recliner and I go way back.

πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerDad87
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Every time we went somewhere to eat, my father would close the menu and say, β€œI’ll take a turtle soup...

and make it snappy”.

I hated eating anywhere with him, now I think it’s funny. Help, I’m turning into my father.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Marcellus-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad used to get shot from a cannon at the circus. When he retired they had to close the show.

They couldn't find another man of his caliber.

πŸ‘︎ 884
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πŸ‘€︎ u/totuan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Close your doors people.
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoolGuyPual
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I told the doctor, when I close my eyes I see pink elephants. He asked: " Have you seen an optician?"

I said "No. Just pink elephants."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Close to a booty call
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pablothe_Plumber
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball

Great service

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jarvo1992
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
When one door closes, another one opens

Other than that, it’s a pretty good car.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomBradyGoat1212
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a Muslim close a door?

Islams it

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanxdxdxd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.

Dark, wasn’t it?

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a muslim close a door?

Islams it

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AdamNDnD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report

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