A guy walks into a bar on Ash Wednesday and orders a beer. "I'm really having a hard time trying to decide what to give up for Lent," he tells the bartender. "Well let me tell you a little cautionary tale about giving things up for Lent," the bartender says. "A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up "A" in 2001 and "B" in 2002, but developed into a strong family tradition. This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow... "
...but forget that the year after 2021 is 2020 too
they're not called the Order of the Jelive
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
They're calling it the Uncut Edition.
A Deus Fax Machina, if you will.
The main character dies in the end!
Please note this contains sweari g but has the longest and best build up to a dad joke
I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.
Thanos: I am inevitable. Iron man: Hi inevitable I’m dad.
All the names scrolling on the screen were people involved in the movie.
My GF and I have both been tired every night since we just finished moving our house. She was also on her period, so our frisky time has been cut down. She asked me last night to feel free to be more promiscuous with her, now that her period is ending.
Today we were putting a new TV stand together. She held the TV as a I maneuvered the screwdriver. I stopped and told her "Hey, you got your wish, we're screwing on the bed!"
I will not be screwing on the bed tonight after that.
Hops springs eternal.
I just came to that conclusion.
I'll use my apoca-lips
To get his balls deflated.
He was gutted
it was just "OK".
It's as easy as taking candy from a baby
A warp party.
It's very hard to Finnish
Because the stakes are too high
When I was younger my dad would randomly tell this one
Dad: Pete and Repeat are on a boat. Pete fell off, who's left on the boat?
Dad: Ok, if you say so! Pete and Repeat are on a boat. Pete fell off, who's left on the boat?
It has the best Kongclusion.
I said "Yeah, at the end his sidekick appears...Uncle Man!"
Dad: Ow by the way before you go. Why are hurricanes named after women? Me: I don't know. Dad: Because when they come it's wet and wild, but when they leave they take your car and your house.
...I keep hearing him scream...Oberyn Oberyn over again...