Behind the death of the the Bishop
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
Till death do us rock
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs1104666
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
Once, I agreed to help Death move his couch to his new place.

After we got there, I realized I forgot those things you’re supposed to sit on. There were reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
Never start a pillow fight with Death...

...unless you're sure you can handle the Reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
What's an Agatha Christie novel and Death in Paradise crossover special called?

Poirots of the Caribbean.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
🚨︎ report
Jiraya's death was pain
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jdramanuj
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
TIL: Death do us part
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pzykozomatik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
What did Kim Jong Un say on his death bed?

My Korea is over

πŸ‘︎ 315
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fredvanvleetsr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
...But it died a death and got zero upvotes !!

Came here before to post a time travel joke...

Edit : Apologies in advance if you're reading this as a repost from tomorrow

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
[OC] death goes grocery shopping
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fyahspreadit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
I would only kill a clown if my family was about to starve to death.

We either digest the clown, or we die jesting!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YouNamedMeeDog
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
What do you call a death sentence gone wrong?

Good concept, bad execution.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElephantsAreHuge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
A man was beaten to death with a tree branch

It seems he wasn't very poplar, and is now deciduously less alive. If he returns from the dead, he'll definitely be pining for revenge.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hello_Hurricane
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
I COULD tell you a top secret combination of words which result in the instant death of anyone hearing or reading them..

But then I'd have to kill you.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bermobaron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
Never challenge Death to a pillow

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sebaspa1219
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
Where do numbers from 50-59 go after their death?

57

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nnntridib
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two cows who fought to the death?

It was crazy, their lives were at steak

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
Why did the scientist researching death and the afterlife kill himself?

He was dying to know what happens.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
I once thanked a French guy to death.

It was a merci killing.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
The Angel of Death was asked if he was worried that his uncomfortable couch would cause problems.

He said he was sure there were no Reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
I gave my wife some ground chickpeas and she choked to death.

The cops are treating it as a hummus-cide.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
When L died on Death Note,

My eyes became very Watari, because I knew the end was Near.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that got pecked to death by a chicken?

It was a murder most fowl

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fukurslf
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
What’s the saying for when your protein powder gets spilled on your legal documents which divide all of your property after death?

Where there’s a will, there’s a whey.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadowlast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
Malled to death
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimvelvetpi
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
If Morgan Freeman pledges to donate his organs after death, his name after he dies will be M Freeman.
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eshareth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
If you get into a pillow fight with death...

Be prepared for the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToothSleuth86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
For the convict on death row waiting to hear back from the governor...

...no noose is good news.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year...

...so that’s just being hippocritical...

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?"

She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sardonicuis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
Death note.....
πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/givinhi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who got the death sentence for eating a battery?

He was electrically charged

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Goblintern
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
Dr Seuss was recently convicted for shoving a man on to a mountain of corn, and stomping him to death, then shooting him twice, all while wearing women’s clothes.

sadly this is the 3rd case this week of a pop pop crop-top crop top pop hop

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
If Post Malone died and his instagram account posted a picture of him to commemorate his death, then Post Malone would be posting a Malone post-Malone.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OystersDryLancers
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
If someone dies from the Corona Virus, I guess you can say their death was...

Made in China

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattBatz1991
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend needed a blood transfusion. Life or death ya know? But her parents and I could not remember her blood type. As she lay dying on her gurney, she kept insisting β€œbe positive, be positive,”

But sometimes, it’s really hard without her.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PoeJascoe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
Smoking causes early death...

but I’m not a morning person

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
first coronavirus death in my neighborhood.

it shouldn't have gotten that far. I wish that this damn bitch just released that pack of toilet paper.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PowerboyNL
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
What’s a death metal singer’s favorite cheese?

BRRIIIIIIIIEEEEEE

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twisted_Taterz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?

Because it lost the gill to live.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
What did Death say to the piano when it broke?

"You're out of time."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Sad to hear about the death of the man who invented the jigsaw puzzle.

Rest In Pieces.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KCL80
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
Never challenge death to a pillow fight

Unless you’re ready to face the reaper cushions

πŸ‘︎ 224
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend's puns will be the death of me
πŸ‘︎ 368
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SaveFile1
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Do we have free will? Is there life after death?
πŸ‘︎ 496
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Today they sentenced the infamous "Country, Rap, Gospel and Classical Music Killer" to death

He's going to get the eclectic chair.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
Worried I’m going to sleep myself to death.

I’d hate to commit snoozeicide.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ReddiTurret
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend sneezed at dinner and choked to death!

I guess he bit off more than he could achoo.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Death Metal
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Beanier-Than-You
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?

Vigil aunties.

πŸ‘︎ 135
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shoppingcartoast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Never have a pillow fight with Death.

Unless you're ready to handle those reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I have 2 part-time jobs. For one, I put sodas into aluminum containers. For the other, I document a person's desires regarding what happens to their property after death

I can and I will.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
I was intending to publish a book about the Black Death

Until I was accused of plaguerism.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nwgirlforever
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection...

The judge asks, β€œFirst offender?” The wife replies, β€œNo, first a Gibson, then a Fender.”

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dohpaz42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when a man messes with death?

He faces the reaper cussions

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you avoid death?

You stay in the living room.

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pkklerz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Guys death is breathtaking
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snipez-5464
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Never challenge death to a pillow fight....

Otherwise you'll face reaper cushions

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Baby Humpback: Dad. If you keep eating all the food and not saving any for me, I'm going to starve to death!

Dad Humpback: Nah. Whatever doesn't krill you makes you stronger.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scarecrow53
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My neighbor drank so much gravy on a Thanksgiving Day dare that he choked to death.

He went from the ladle to the grave.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I stole two sofas from death.

Turns out I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rengokufan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I hope Death is a woman

That way it will never come for me

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cinemassacress
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I challenged Death to a pillow fight.

Now I have to face the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mudpucket2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I talked to my psychologist about my growing fears about death for an hour..

He said my time was up.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm allergic to death.

It causes me to start coffin.

πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wileydan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the guy named Peter getting a death sentence by canon?

I can tell you he was canonized.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
The death penalty isn't a bad idea in concept, but...

I'm not happy with the execution.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Prom3th3an
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Death Flashed Before My Eyes
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlakeTheMadd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.

May he rest in fleece.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sheephound
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Other names include the- Slide of Death, or the slide to heaven
πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rud-Hi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to challenge Death to a pillowfight instead of a chess game

But I was unable to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/qmechan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I knew someone that went through a slow death

It took him 84 years.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bustab0x
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
This close to actually being board to death
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GavinTME
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sk1wbw
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

The judge asksΒ her, "First offender?” She says, β€œNo, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"

πŸ‘︎ 205
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cmac33111133
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Never challenge death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/saibotspons-alien
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, β€˜First offender?

’ She says, β€˜No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!’

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I once thanked a French guy to death.

It was a merci killing.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight

Unless you're prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshuaFnBoyer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, β€˜First offender?

’ She says, β€˜No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!’

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, β€˜First offender?

’ She says, β€˜No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!’

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you're prepared for the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rhena_lahrie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you're prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Never challenge death to a pillow fight. Unless you are prepared for the reaper cushions.
πŸ‘︎ 503
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, β€˜First offender?

’ She says, β€˜No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!’

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Never Challenge Death to a pillow fight

Unless you are prepared for the Reaper Cushions

πŸ‘︎ 111
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, β€˜First offender?

’ She says, β€˜No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!’

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Never challenge death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/t3chnophile
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report

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