Did you hear about the farmer that just got sentenced for killing his neighbors cow?
After a quick investigation, the Prosecutor was able to turn it into a brief case.
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︎ Apr 28 2021
If killing a man is homicide
is killing a friend homiecide
π︎ 243
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︎ Mar 17 2021
Train derails in New Mexico, killing 23 people
It must have had a locomotive.
π︎ 4
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︎ May 06 2021
This subreddit is killing me slowly
I have a coworker who at the end of the day everyday slowly reads off Dad jokes, mostly from here because theres new ones so often and because he knows it drives me crazy. I blame this place for that.
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︎ May 06 2021
What Sith Lord immobilizes his opponents instead of killing them?
π︎ 44
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︎ Feb 23 2021
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
π︎ 10
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︎ Mar 28 2021
A murderer once stopped killing, became lazy, and was only enjoying life. He became a
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Unemployed Pilot (Dad still killing it at 70)
My dad just sent me this (couldn't help but groan, even as a dad myself):
I had a fella in painting and decorating the house for the last three days, I got chatting to him and it turns out he is actually a Ryanair pilot on PUP (Pandemic Unemployment Payment - social welfare in Ireland for those affected by Covid), he is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landingπ¬π
π︎ 17
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︎ Jan 21 2021
There's a man killing people who only have 9 toes!
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 11 2020
What do you call a killing before yoga practice?
π︎ 40
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︎ Aug 24 2020
I left my vampire killing kit in the elevator...
The stakes have never been higher
π︎ 36
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︎ Oct 04 2020
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.
We went out and had beers. Cool guy, very driven, wants to be a web designer.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 24 2019
*Black gets hit by the Killing Curse*
Black: Harry, Iβm dead.
Harry: Are you serious?
Black: Yes, Iβm dead Sirius.
π︎ 27
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︎ Sep 04 2020
A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.
The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack
π︎ 99
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︎ Jun 27 2020
Iβve just been charged for killing a man using sandpaper
In my defence I only intended to rough him up a little bit
π︎ 42
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︎ Jul 04 2020
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
π︎ 12
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︎ Jul 26 2020
Boater Jailed for Killing Dolphin
Boater says it was an accident. Judge ruled that he did it on porpoise.
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 06 2020
The suspense is killing me
π︎ 104
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︎ May 01 2020
Why did the paladin have to visit the tire shop after killing an innocent bystander?
Because he was out of alignment.
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 05 2020
My wrists are killing me from driving my coworkers everyday through tunnels and traffic.
Dr. Says I have a bad case of car pool tunnel.
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 16 2020
A man purposely crashed two passenger trains, killing hundreds. Why didnβt he get the electric chair?
Turns out he was a really bad conductor.
π︎ 11
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︎ May 28 2020
What did the father say to his baby boy before killing him with a vacuum cleaner?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 10 2020
This is killing me
https://i.imgur.com/K0QITw8.jpg
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 07 2020
Why didn't Obi-Wan forgive Darth Maul for killing his master?
He wasn't willing to let Qui-Gons be bygones.
π︎ 98
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︎ Jan 28 2020
A short psychic has been on a killing spree
The headlines read "A small medium is at large"
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 06 2020
Work is killing my feet: they are all black and blue
π︎ 19
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︎ Dec 17 2019
There is a fine line between saving and killing
π︎ 7
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︎ Apr 23 2020
What Sith Lord immobilizes his victims instead of killing them?
Darth Ritis.
Edit: The Sith Lord of politeness, Darth anksalot.
π︎ 10k
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︎ Sep 05 2020
BREAKING: Iran has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Persian Gulf, killing all 350 aboard
π︎ 80k
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︎ Jan 15 2020
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
π︎ 19
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︎ Sep 07 2020
I was charged with accidentally killing a man with sandpaper.
I didn't mean too. All I wanted to do was rough him up a bit.
π︎ 23
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︎ Jul 31 2020
BREAKING: Iran has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Persian Gulf, killing all 354 aboard
π︎ 23
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︎ Jul 17 2020
Wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it
We had some drinks, cool guy, he wants to be a web developer
π︎ 183
π
︎ Apr 13 2020
My wife asked me to take the spider out instead of killing it
Went to the bar, had a few drinks, nice guy, turns out he's a Web designer
π︎ 27
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︎ Jul 28 2020
So instead of killing a spider, I took him out
He was a really nice guy we had a few drinks. He's a web designer
π︎ 11
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︎ Jul 19 2020
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing.
We went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy, wants to be a web designer.
π︎ 258
π
︎ Nov 18 2019
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. Heβs a web designer
π︎ 12
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︎ Mar 06 2020
Wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it...
Had a few drinks, he is a cool guy, wants to be a Web developer.
π︎ 15
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︎ Apr 21 2020
My wife told me take the spider out instead of killing him.
We had a few drinks, what a great guy. Turns out heβs a web designer.
π︎ 47
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︎ Feb 27 2020
A hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.
The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 08 2020
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy, he's a web designer
π︎ 54
π
︎ Mar 07 2020
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him
Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
π︎ 205
π
︎ Dec 14 2019
What Sith Lord immobilizes his opponents instead of killing them?
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Sep 22 2018
My wife said I should take out the spider instead of killing it.
I'm glad I did. We went out. Had a few drinks. Overall good guy. He's a web designer.
π︎ 62
π
︎ Feb 19 2020
My wife told me take a spider out instead of killing it.
We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.
π︎ 257
π
︎ Aug 10 2019
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it
We had some drinks, cool guy, says he wants to be a web-developer
π︎ 77
π
︎ Oct 06 2019
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. Heβs a web designer.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 21 2019
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it
We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer
π︎ 31
π
︎ Nov 15 2019
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