If killing a man is homicide
is killing a friend homiecide
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︎ Mar 17 2021
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
π︎ 10
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︎ Mar 28 2021
What Sith Lord immobilizes his opponents instead of killing them?
π︎ 44
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︎ Feb 23 2021
A murderer once stopped killing, became lazy, and was only enjoying life. He became a
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Unemployed Pilot (Dad still killing it at 70)
My dad just sent me this (couldn't help but groan, even as a dad myself):
I had a fella in painting and decorating the house for the last three days, I got chatting to him and it turns out he is actually a Ryanair pilot on PUP (Pandemic Unemployment Payment - social welfare in Ireland for those affected by Covid), he is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landingπ¬π
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︎ Jan 21 2021
There's a man killing people who only have 9 toes!
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 11 2020
I left my vampire killing kit in the elevator...
The stakes have never been higher
π︎ 39
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︎ Oct 04 2020
What do you call a killing before yoga practice?
π︎ 37
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︎ Aug 24 2020
*Black gets hit by the Killing Curse*
Black: Harry, Iβm dead.
Harry: Are you serious?
Black: Yes, Iβm dead Sirius.
π︎ 28
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︎ Sep 04 2020
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.
We went out and had beers. Cool guy, very driven, wants to be a web designer.
π︎ 13k
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︎ Sep 24 2019
A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.
The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack
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︎ Jun 27 2020
Iβve just been charged for killing a man using sandpaper
In my defence I only intended to rough him up a little bit
π︎ 41
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︎ Jul 04 2020
Boater Jailed for Killing Dolphin
Boater says it was an accident. Judge ruled that he did it on porpoise.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
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︎ Jul 26 2020
The suspense is killing me
π︎ 106
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︎ May 01 2020
Why did the paladin have to visit the tire shop after killing an innocent bystander?
Because he was out of alignment.
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 05 2020
My wrists are killing me from driving my coworkers everyday through tunnels and traffic.
Dr. Says I have a bad case of car pool tunnel.
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 16 2020
A man purposely crashed two passenger trains, killing hundreds. Why didnβt he get the electric chair?
Turns out he was a really bad conductor.
π︎ 15
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︎ May 28 2020
What did the father say to his baby boy before killing him with a vacuum cleaner?
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 10 2020
This is killing me
https://i.imgur.com/K0QITw8.jpg
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 07 2020
Why didn't Obi-Wan forgive Darth Maul for killing his master?
He wasn't willing to let Qui-Gons be bygones.
π︎ 96
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︎ Jan 28 2020
A short psychic has been on a killing spree
The headlines read "A small medium is at large"
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 06 2020
Work is killing my feet: they are all black and blue
π︎ 18
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︎ Dec 17 2019
There is a fine line between saving and killing
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 23 2020
There is a new Sith Lord who prefers to immobilize his enemies instead of killing them.
π︎ 89
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︎ Dec 01 2019
What Sith Lord immobilizes his victims instead of killing them?
Darth Ritis.
Edit: The Sith Lord of politeness, Darth anksalot.
π︎ 10k
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︎ Sep 05 2020
BREAKING: Iran has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Persian Gulf, killing all 350 aboard
π︎ 80k
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︎ Jan 15 2020
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
π︎ 21
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︎ Sep 07 2020
I was charged with accidentally killing a man with sandpaper.
I didn't mean too. All I wanted to do was rough him up a bit.
π︎ 25
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︎ Jul 31 2020
BREAKING: Iran has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Persian Gulf, killing all 354 aboard
π︎ 23
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︎ Jul 17 2020
Wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it
We had some drinks, cool guy, he wants to be a web developer
π︎ 185
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︎ Apr 13 2020
My wife asked me to take the spider out instead of killing it
Went to the bar, had a few drinks, nice guy, turns out he's a Web designer
π︎ 27
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︎ Jul 28 2020
So instead of killing a spider, I took him out
He was a really nice guy we had a few drinks. He's a web designer
π︎ 12
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︎ Jul 19 2020
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. Heβs a web designer
π︎ 12
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︎ Mar 06 2020
Wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it...
Had a few drinks, he is a cool guy, wants to be a Web developer.
π︎ 14
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︎ Apr 21 2020
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing.
We went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy, wants to be a web designer.
π︎ 261
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︎ Nov 18 2019
My wife told me take the spider out instead of killing him.
We had a few drinks, what a great guy. Turns out heβs a web designer.
π︎ 48
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︎ Feb 27 2020
A hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.
The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 08 2020
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy, he's a web designer
π︎ 51
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︎ Mar 07 2020
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him
Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
π︎ 204
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︎ Dec 14 2019
What Sith Lord immobilizes his opponents instead of killing them?
π︎ 5k
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︎ Sep 22 2018
My wife said I should take out the spider instead of killing it.
I'm glad I did. We went out. Had a few drinks. Overall good guy. He's a web designer.
π︎ 64
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︎ Feb 19 2020
My wife told me take a spider out instead of killing it.
We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.
π︎ 257
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︎ Aug 10 2019
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it
We had some drinks, cool guy, says he wants to be a web-developer
π︎ 77
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︎ Oct 06 2019
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy, heβs a web designer.
π︎ 32
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︎ Dec 20 2019
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. Heβs a web designer.
π︎ 9
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︎ Dec 21 2019
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it
We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer
π︎ 31
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︎ Nov 15 2019
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing itβ¦
We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
π︎ 7k
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︎ May 20 2017
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