A farmer’s son asked why people have celiac disease

The farmer replied β€œbecause these people hate my grains”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/x97tfv345
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a robot gets lung disease?

Cystic-Fibre Optics

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueVogueDino
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it’s terminal.

πŸ‘︎ 272
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πŸ‘€︎ u/christiescrubbs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
Crohn's is a really shitty disease.

Literally. And figuratively.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aamysyl
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
My monkey friend says that he can use martial arts to fight off disease. I think he's tricking me and he says

Ape will fu ills

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrueAidooo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
Doctor: "Alcoholism is a disease. "

Bartender: "Get your shots here !!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.

Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

πŸ‘︎ 747
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Life is a terminal disease....

....and it's sexually transmitted.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease

We're called "Gluten for Punishment."

Our first single is "Bread or Alive."

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scrranger11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I was diagnosed with Dunlaps Disease shortly after feasting my way through the holiday season...

Yep, my belly dunlaps over my belt.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
A new disease is sweeping the world. It's a type of nostril infection, very costly to test for

But one man, born with extra sensitive smelling, has been providing free exams to the public to eradicate this new threat. Dr. Theodore Nose of UCH Hospital has a long line of patients waiting every morning, wanting the incredible accuracy of this man.

And as his secretary says...

No one's nose knows noses like Nose's nose knows noses.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRichTookItAll
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
Doc: "Sir, you've caught a very rare disease. "

Me: "How rare?"

Doc: "You pick the name.

πŸ‘︎ 142
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the disease you get from kissing birds ?

It's called Chirpies. It's a canarial disease. It's untweetable.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bacterial disease caused by two grizzlies ?

Twobearculousis

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens, when a doctor catches a disease, that he already found the cure for?

He gets a taste of his own medicine.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/David_Umann
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What disease do old pirates dread most?

Arrrrrrrrthritis.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicferret
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I made a joke saying this Thanksgiving would be extra special because we'll be spreading around diseases like the original Thanksgiving. Someone told me "too soon".

They were right. I should have waited until next week.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
CDC declares Diarrhea to be a genetic disease

It runs in your jeans

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/annthaknee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I was just diagnosed with Mime disease...

I'm speechless.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What does the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases say when he stubs his toe?

Fouchy!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I have this disease where I can’t stop signaling to planes for help.

The doctor told me my symptoms are flaring up.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the coolest disease or condition one can die from?

Hypothermia! It’s the coolest way to go.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say if you find a person trying to poison someone with celiacs disease

I’ve caught you bread handed

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmmaOwl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
People say smoking will give you diseases...

But how can they say that when it cures salmon?

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who worships diseases?

A plague-an

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OniLewds
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What disease do crows get?

CORVID-19.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they don’t have to be put down.

He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/srirachase
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: You have a disease that causes memory loss.

Me: Is it contagious?

Doctor: Is what contagious?

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Does anyone know if that Corona Virus goes well with Lyme Disease?
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepWouldBeNice
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been diagnosed with a terrible disease that makes me tell an abundance of airport jokes...

The doctor says it’s terminal

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kippergills
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the most concerning thing about Lyme Disease?

New cases have lately been on an uptick.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FernandoLH95
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The new Nas album King’s Disease may not have been the GOAT

But it is GOUT

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Barefoot-JohnMuir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new disease caused by oregano?

Herbies

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought I had a good joke about a contagious disease but I was wrong.

It didn't go viral.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dwarf convict with a debilitating skin disease?

A lepercon

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My doc said I shouldn't be making puns on diabetes its a serious disease..

I said I can't help it doc, its a pun-creatic disease.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IfuM52
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.

It's called Parking Son's disease.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the worst combination of two diseases?

Alzheimer's and Diarrhoea . You're running but you don't know where .

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uglyric
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it’s terminal

πŸ‘︎ 18k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/schiggy182
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

I think it may be terminal

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it terminal

πŸ‘︎ 368
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/torrenter_11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

My doctor says it's terminal.

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I have this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes.

My doctor says it’s terminal.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/s_tormbringr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

The doctor says it's terminal.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor: "Alcoholism is a disease. "

Barman: "Get your shots here."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes

my doctor says it's terminal

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/growupyall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes

The doctor says it's terminal

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bgreenwood95
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report

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