I've already heard like seven cancer puns today...

If I hear tumor it's gonna benign

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChronoAndMarle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost my left nut to a cancer scare. So now when someone asks me how I am

I can say "I am all right. Literally"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cknight18
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My Aunt lost her battle to beat Mesothelioma cancer.

She did Asbestos she could.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EgonVector
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2021
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My friend who's at a high risk for breast cancer had a masectomy recently to prevent it

She said it's a huge weight off her chest

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xeno486
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

My dad didnt beat cancer

Edit: difference between ME and cancer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Moose_Winchester
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you do when your pet dinosaur gets cancer?

Take it to a paleoncologist!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/loopgru
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
A gambler visited rain forests every day and ended up getting penile cancer

I guess he was hitting the wrong sloths

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hadios10
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s a cancer patient’s favorite part of playing Bingo?

B9

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LukeBabbitt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 17 2021
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Next week I will learn if I have cancer.

The suspense is killing me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sensei6375
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2021
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When the doctors told me I have cancer I laughed my ass off

they said I have a great sense of tumour

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Amru_263
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My mother's zodiac was Cancer, which is ironic

because she died from a giant crab.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Mobile phones cause cancer...

...if you smoke them.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ricerly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a cancer scare recently. The doctor said I may have full blown colon cancer

Thankfully it’s just semicolon cancer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/middleraged
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bilgerat78
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
While paying for groceries at a local store ,they had reusable shopping bags with the breast cancer awareness ribbon on them with a handwritten sign that said $.99 for a better tomorrow.

I asked the young girl at the register "If I buy this and don't have a better tomorrow can I return it for a refund?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jHugley328
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I made a medicine using ducks that can cure cancer...

That’s quackery!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PhCuber05
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The opposite of cancer...

Is cannot madam

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SoonlyXo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife screens patients for breast cancer

What a great boob job.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Doesnt cause cancer!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/catchingfire3HG
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Science has found that honeybee venom helps kill aggressive breast cancer cells.

They've updated their name reflecting their new job to Boobees.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rahulabon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I had breast cancer once...

Those were some bad mammaries.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thesockster
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I surprised a kid in the hospital with cancer on his birthday

Sadly, he already had cancer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/UndeadNineKills
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Dark humor is like Kids that have cancer...

Never gets old.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BobbyBrownOlaf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought some engine cleaner. The label said β€˜Known to cause cancer in the state of California.’

Good thing I’m using it in Missouri.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sethrymir
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad is currently riding his bicycle across America to raise awareness for Colon Cancer...

[and posted a picture of him and his bike on a rest day.] (https://i.imgur.com/IapqomG.png)

Edit: Whoa this is getting popular. I live on the other side of the world, and am about to go to bed, but I am just going to put his [donation page] (http://ccf.convio.net/site/TR?px=3433802&fr_id=1580&pg=personal) at the top of the post if anyone is interested. It is no big deal, but if someone is looking, I thought I'd put it at the top. Either way, you all are going to make his day when I show him how many people appreciated his joke. I just hope this doesn't mean that I have to laugh at all of them from now on...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/travellingby
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad lost his leg to cancer earlier this year. Today he tweeted this:

http://imgur.com/NkCtk6M

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Wompum
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2017
🚨︎ report
My aunt's astrological sign was cancer, funny to consider how she died

She was killed by a giant crab

πŸ‘οΈŽ 200
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xxbiggeorge69xx
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My friends star sign was cancer and it was quite ironic how he died really

He was attacked by a giant crab

πŸ‘οΈŽ 131
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BLAZEtms
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
The United States is a cancer.

Its birthday is July 4th.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/conundrumbombs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the beef brisket catch lung cancer?

It smoked for 6 hours.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does my cancer doctor let me phone her any time day or night?

Because she's an on-call-ogist

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The leading cause of cancer in lab rats

Research scientists

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lfantine
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Alex Tribek was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

... I guess his life is in Jeopardy

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mc_hoZer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
what did the pancreatic cancer say to the lung cancer after the lung cancer told him to clean his room?

Ok, tumor

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CobbBigBrain
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t know why people say cancer is hard to beat

I’m already on stage 4

πŸ‘οΈŽ 47
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pyCKsie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an incurable cancer? reddit.com/r/dadjokes/com…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I found a spot of cancer on my bingo card.

But don't worry, it was B9.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
The Testicular Cancer Clinic called me to ask whether I got their email. I said no.

They said, β€œMaybe you should check your junk.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 117
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.

... Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Weekend833
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I've already heard like seven cancer puns today...

If I hear tumor it's gonna benign

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChronoAndMarle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EthanJbleethan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RudzBotha
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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