I've already heard like seven cancer puns today...

If I hear tumor it's gonna benign

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChronoAndMarle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Doesnt cause cancer!
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/catchingfire3HG
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
They say that smoking causes cancer...

But it also cures salmon.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Light_bulbnz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I bought some engine cleaner. The label said β€˜Known to cause cancer in the state of California.’

Good thing I’m using it in Missouri.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sethrymir
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
Why does my cancer doctor let me phone her any time day or night?

Because she's an on-call-ogist

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
Why did the beef brisket catch lung cancer?

It smoked for 6 hours.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
The United States is a cancer.

Its birthday is July 4th.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/conundrumbombs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
what did the pancreatic cancer say to the lung cancer after the lung cancer told him to clean his room?

Ok, tumor

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CobbBigBrain
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
The leading cause of cancer in lab rats

Research scientists

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
I found a spot of cancer on my bingo card.

But don't worry, it was B9.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My aunt's astrological sign was cancer, funny to consider how she died

She was killed by a giant crab

πŸ‘︎ 204
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xxbiggeorge69xx
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Which piece of punctuation is usually a result of bowel cancer?

;

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My friends star sign was cancer and it was quite ironic how he died really

He was attacked by a giant crab

πŸ‘︎ 134
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BLAZEtms
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an incurable cancer? reddit.com/r/dadjokes/com…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.

... Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Weekend833
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I don’t know why people say cancer is hard to beat

I’m already on stage 4

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pyCKsie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an incurable cancer?

Can'tcer

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My son beat stage 2 cancer today :))

But now he's on stage 3

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/getnaed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Alex Tribek was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

... I guess his life is in Jeopardy

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mc_hoZer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad is currently riding his bicycle across America to raise awareness for Colon Cancer...

[and posted a picture of him and his bike on a rest day.] (https://i.imgur.com/IapqomG.png)

Edit: Whoa this is getting popular. I live on the other side of the world, and am about to go to bed, but I am just going to put his [donation page] (http://ccf.convio.net/site/TR?px=3433802&fr_id=1580&pg=personal) at the top of the post if anyone is interested. It is no big deal, but if someone is looking, I thought I'd put it at the top. Either way, you all are going to make his day when I show him how many people appreciated his joke. I just hope this doesn't mean that I have to laugh at all of them from now on...

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/travellingby
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad lost his leg to cancer earlier this year. Today he tweeted this:

http://imgur.com/NkCtk6M

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wompum
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
🚨︎ report
The Testicular Cancer Clinic called me to ask whether I got their email. I said no.

They said, β€œMaybe you should check your junk.”

πŸ‘︎ 119
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I have cancer, I need a cure
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spicysaucer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between cancer and my dad?

The cancer keeps coming back.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bananaman-278
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Excess weight could soon be Canada’s second leading preventable cause of cancer, report says

It’s a heavy problem

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KfirLA
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me I only have 2 months to live due to cancer.

So I killed that doctor and the court gave me a 20 years imprisonment.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mercy1618
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Finding out you have stage 4 cancer
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aubthes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Anyone have a way to connect planes and cells/cancer in a punny way?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad really took his cancer diagnosis well...

...going from Dad Jokes to Dead Jokes

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I need help! I am co-captain of a team to raise money for cancer. My team needs a name. I need to mix some element of cancer with Alice in Wonderland. I need a pun, and I figured this subreddit is the best place to go. Thanks
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ethanfp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a cow do when it gets cancer. It goes for Creamotherapy
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TurtlesFlying
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Finished the year beating testicular cancer! Having some pun with it. (Crossposted!)
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rontastic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
How much does cancer have to add to kill you?

Two more.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Apple4Slize
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do cancer patients love puns?

They have a great sense of tumor

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't know why people say it's so difficult to beat cancer

I'm already on stage 4

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gacrtet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife doesn't believe that I have brain cancer

She says it's all in my head.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EZ_co
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
It's ironic how she died when her zodiac sign is cancer!

She was killed by a giant crab.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dalduzza
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
🚨︎ report
Its a good thing that x-ray glasses aren't real, or there would be a lot of good looking people with cancer.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oneidamojo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Colon Cancer Screening
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RyanJT324
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Native American cancer patient with an affinity for Japanese condiments?

Chemo Sabi!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mobious411
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My Dad’s brother is a cancer doctor

Yeah, he’s an uncologist.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of treatment does a clownfish need when it gets cancer

Nemo therapy

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NegativeFux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report
At first I was sad that I got cancer...

...but it's growing on me.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/biophizz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cancer doctor who works 24/7?

An on-call ogist

πŸ‘︎ 421
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rjr49
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2017
🚨︎ report
My Dad found out he had cancer

He comes home from the doc and we all have heard by this point but nobody says anything. He asks my bros and I to meet him in the back room. With a sigh he says "I think we need to address the elephant in the room." He then pulled out a small glass elephant from his pocket and said "okay, here it is."

πŸ‘︎ 167
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HPAP
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Dog's 'cancer' turned out to be four teddy bears

Thankfully, it was bear-nign.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/htmlarson
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Doctor: I'm sorry sir...you have stage 4 cancer...you're dying...

Dad: I'm not Dying, I'm Dad!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anoxeyh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call something that is flammable and causes cancer?

An arson-ogen

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a_human_tumor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
🚨︎ report
A bird with cancer sneaks over the Mexican Border

He's an ill-eagle immigrant.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHeroicOnion
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the purpose of a breast cancer awareness week?

To keep cancer from getting the breast of us.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FISHunderscore
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2016
🚨︎ report
I heard that they have dogs now that can smell if you've got cancer.

My dog reeks, should I be worried?

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HughJamerican
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My doctor said I had cancer. I said I wanted a second opinion.

He said "Okay, you're ugly too."

πŸ‘︎ 393
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cheesus_riced
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad, type 2 diabetic, after 11 months of suffering chemo/radiation treatment for pancreatic cancer, 5 months after he was told the surgery failed and it was terminal. Brother reads off the back of a Sweet'N Low packet "...been determined to cause cancer to laboratory animals" Dad snaps back

"Bullshit! I've been using that stuff for years and...(looks at 13" scar across his stomach from whipple procedure to remove tumors, looks back at family for effect) oh... shit..."

Never lost his great attitude towards life, family, and people in general. Always quick with a joke/dad joke until the end.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dude0311
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Cancer is the real Zodiac Killer
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/An0therB
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2016
🚨︎ report
What cancer are anarchists at decreased risk for?

prostate

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmpony
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2015
🚨︎ report
My sister's pet rat died of cancer and my dad tried to cheer her up

Dad: Don't be sad, he lived a pretty swell life didn't he?

Sister: (in tears) shutup dad you're not funny

Dad: You just don't have a sense of tumor do you?

Took a while before my sister calmed down after that, while my dad laughed his ass off.

πŸ‘︎ 343
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grasisgroen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2013
🚨︎ report
Mom laughed in the face of cancer with a dad joke this morning...

My mom is going in for a colonoscopy this morning. Maybe a polyp, maybe cancer, maybe not.

I hugged her this morning and said "Good luck."

She replied "Oh, thanks. I hope it'll come out alright in the end."

I was devastated. Damn!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rasalom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2016
🚨︎ report
Who treated Missy Elliott's ass cancer?

A Badonkadoncologist

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/e1000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2015
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between black people and cancer?

Cancer got Jobs.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/v_cleaner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2015
🚨︎ report
Dadjoke at the Cancer Center...

They keep it at about 18 degrees C here at work, so we give out a lot of warm blankets to patients.

The warmer ran out, and soon after, sure enough, a patient asked me for one.

So I said: "Sorry, we're all out. They're a hot commodity!"

They grimaced...but it could have been the cancer.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bindher_Dundat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cancer doctor who has to work after hours?

An on-call-ogist.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MeowPink
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Oh no! Too many selfies has given me cancer!

I wasn't really listening to everything the doctor said, but he definitely said it involved a narci cyst

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NiacTD
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2014
🚨︎ report
How do you call a persons recollection of his prostate cancer treatment?

Testiemonial

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBootyBear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2014
🚨︎ report
During a conversation revealing a family friend had cancer...

While waiting for a table at a restaurant, we were discussing if my girlfriend's mom would cut off her hair when the friend lost hers. Suddenly her dad asks, "What kind of candy cow doesn't produce milk anymore?" We all stare blankly until he continued "Milk duds." After a moment of silence his wife suggests we get a drink from the bar while we wait.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendOfDylan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2015
🚨︎ report
We were taking about Breast cancer when my dad dropped this bomb

Mom: breast cancer runs in our family

Dad: well noses run in mine

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unicorntreason
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2015
🚨︎ report
Transported a patient with cancer today

He was getting his blood drawn and the nurse said she was putting in an anticoagulant in. But she mis-spoke and said anti quackulant

So then my patient responds "but I'm not a duck"

Hahaha it was even funnier because of how serious everything was.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AntiCamper
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2015
🚨︎ report
Asked my friend about cancer...

"How would you react if you were told you had cancer?"

"I don't know about reacting, but I don't think I can-cer vive from it."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigoku_chou
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2014
🚨︎ report
I've already heard like seven cancer puns today...

If I hear tumor it's gonna benign

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChronoAndMarle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
🚨︎ report
OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bilgerat78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I found a spot of cancer on my BINGO Card

Don't worry, it was B9.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrscissorhands4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.