I've already heard like seven cancer puns today...

If I hear tumor it's gonna benign

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChronoAndMarle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Mobile phones cause cancer...

...if you smoke them.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ricerly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
When the doctors told me I have cancer I laughed my ass off

they said I have a great sense of tumour

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amru_263
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My mother's zodiac was Cancer, which is ironic

because she died from a giant crab.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a cancer scare recently. The doctor said I may have full blown colon cancer

Thankfully it’s just semicolon cancer

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/middleraged
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
While paying for groceries at a local store ,they had reusable shopping bags with the breast cancer awareness ribbon on them with a handwritten sign that said $.99 for a better tomorrow.

I asked the young girl at the register "If I buy this and don't have a better tomorrow can I return it for a refund?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jHugley328
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I made a medicine using ducks that can cure cancer...

That’s quackery!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhCuber05
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
If I had testicular cancer...

Then I’d finally have the balls to kill myself.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xgames_mode
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The opposite of cancer...

Is cannot madam

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoonlyXo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife screens patients for breast cancer

What a great boob job.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Science has found that honeybee venom helps kill aggressive breast cancer cells.

They've updated their name reflecting their new job to Boobees.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rahulabon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I had breast cancer once...

Those were some bad mammaries.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesockster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I surprised a kid in the hospital with cancer on his birthday

Sadly, he already had cancer

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UndeadNineKills
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Dark humor is like Kids that have cancer...

Never gets old.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BobbyBrownOlaf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Doesnt cause cancer!
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catchingfire3HG
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bilgerat78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought some engine cleaner. The label said β€˜Known to cause cancer in the state of California.’

Good thing I’m using it in Missouri.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sethrymir
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the beef brisket catch lung cancer?

It smoked for 6 hours.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The United States is a cancer.

Its birthday is July 4th.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/conundrumbombs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does my cancer doctor let me phone her any time day or night?

Because she's an on-call-ogist

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My aunt's astrological sign was cancer, funny to consider how she died

She was killed by a giant crab

πŸ‘︎ 202
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxbiggeorge69xx
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
what did the pancreatic cancer say to the lung cancer after the lung cancer told him to clean his room?

Ok, tumor

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CobbBigBrain
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
The leading cause of cancer in lab rats

Research scientists

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My friends star sign was cancer and it was quite ironic how he died really

He was attacked by a giant crab

πŸ‘︎ 130
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BLAZEtms
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad is currently riding his bicycle across America to raise awareness for Colon Cancer...

[and posted a picture of him and his bike on a rest day.] (https://i.imgur.com/IapqomG.png)

Edit: Whoa this is getting popular. I live on the other side of the world, and am about to go to bed, but I am just going to put his [donation page] (http://ccf.convio.net/site/TR?px=3433802&fr_id=1580&pg=personal) at the top of the post if anyone is interested. It is no big deal, but if someone is looking, I thought I'd put it at the top. Either way, you all are going to make his day when I show him how many people appreciated his joke. I just hope this doesn't mean that I have to laugh at all of them from now on...

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/travellingby
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad lost his leg to cancer earlier this year. Today he tweeted this:

http://imgur.com/NkCtk6M

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wompum
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
🚨︎ report
I found a spot of cancer on my bingo card.

But don't worry, it was B9.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Alex Tribek was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

... I guess his life is in Jeopardy

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mc_hoZer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an incurable cancer? reddit.com/r/dadjokes/com…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I don’t know why people say cancer is hard to beat

I’m already on stage 4

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pyCKsie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Which piece of punctuation is usually a result of bowel cancer?

;

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.

... Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Weekend833
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The Testicular Cancer Clinic called me to ask whether I got their email. I said no.

They said, β€œMaybe you should check your junk.”

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I have cancer, I need a cure
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spicysaucer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.

Bald words for someone without it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Carcar-Shark183
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an incurable cancer?

Can'tcer

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I need help! I am co-captain of a team to raise money for cancer. My team needs a name. I need to mix some element of cancer with Alice in Wonderland. I need a pun, and I figured this subreddit is the best place to go. Thanks
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ethanfp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
🚨︎ report
My son beat stage 2 cancer today :))

But now he's on stage 3

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/getnaed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Finding out you have stage 4 cancer
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aubthes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Excess weight could soon be Canada’s second leading preventable cause of cancer, report says

It’s a heavy problem

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KfirLA
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between cancer and my dad?

The cancer keeps coming back.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bananaman-278
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Anyone have a way to connect planes and cells/cancer in a punny way?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a cow do when it gets cancer. It goes for Creamotherapy
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TurtlesFlying
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I've already heard like seven cancer puns today...

If I hear tumor it's gonna benign

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChronoAndMarle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
🚨︎ report
OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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