Infection Puns

A list of puns related to "Infection"

A man walks into a restaurant and orders a hamburger. Upon receiving the burger, the man says to the burger, “Burger, can you help me with my urinary tract infection?”.

“No”, replies the burger, “but I can tell you you’re going to need an umbrella later.”

“Oh, sorry”, said the man, “I thought you were a meaty urologist”.

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👤︎ u/CMoy1980
📅︎ Dec 01 2020
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What country is the easiest to get an infection from the germs?

Germ many

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👤︎ u/hokieokie
📅︎ Nov 23 2020
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*Wakes up with ear infection*

Bat: I'M BLIIIIIND

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👤︎ u/just-going-with-it
📅︎ Aug 28 2020
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Son:What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?

Dad:Their effort goes in vein.

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👤︎ u/yaboi_akshat
📅︎ Jul 02 2020
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I just got over a bad staff infection.

Now I have a temporary employee infection.

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👤︎ u/throwaway2032015
📅︎ Jul 18 2020
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I'm sorry but you can't ride your pony today it has a throat infection.

It's a little hoarse.

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👤︎ u/Datolite7
📅︎ May 31 2020
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What happens when you get a bladder infection?

Urine trouble.

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👤︎ u/Helpful-Hayden
📅︎ Feb 16 2020
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What do you call a color infection?

Crayola virus

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👤︎ u/Horses77
📅︎ Apr 13 2020
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I got a fungal infection the other day.

I hated it at first, but now it’s starting to grow on me.

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👤︎ u/Assorted-Interests
📅︎ Feb 25 2020
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Apparently they tried to weaponise yeast infections ......

It was truly bread for war.

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👤︎ u/jayforder
📅︎ Oct 06 2019
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My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.

I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.

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👤︎ u/ICWhatsNUrP
📅︎ Jan 09 2020
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Mr. Cleaver got a staph infection...

Ward have MRSA!

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👤︎ u/ax2ronn
📅︎ Dec 19 2019
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My half sister just got a really bad infection just like me...

She's my Sepsis

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👤︎ u/jackwhitworth
📅︎ Sep 15 2019
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What do you call a hippo with a sinus infection?

A heaposnotamus

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👤︎ u/majblackburn
📅︎ Oct 03 2019
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What does it mean when the doctor tells you that you have bladder infection?

Urine trouble

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👤︎ u/RealComradeMeep
📅︎ Apr 16 2019
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Did you hear about the new soda that cures sexual transmitted infections?

It's called Hep-C Cola.

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👤︎ u/TraditionSmashed
📅︎ Apr 28 2019
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What did the doctor say to the nurse that was attractive to the patient with the staph infection?

Why are you so abscess-ed with him?

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👤︎ u/kbuck7777
📅︎ Apr 20 2019
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How do plants get viral infections?

Through the birds and the bees

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👤︎ u/inoue-lilymei
📅︎ Dec 13 2018
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Last week my wife was telling me about her bladder infection

to which I replied "urine trouble".

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👤︎ u/inspectred
📅︎ Aug 09 2017
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What infection do you get when your friend discovers your reddit account?

Connorrhea. Fuck you, Connor. 🖕

Backstory: I received this message first thing in the morning in response to this post I made last week.

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👤︎ u/OfficialRichardKiel
📅︎ Feb 23 2017
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My younger brother had an eye infection and I asked how he was.

He replied that it was getting better.

"Glad to see that you're alr-eye-ght" I said.

He asked if I had any more bad puns to make.

"I do, but the rest are just cornea".

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👤︎ u/rufnek2kx
📅︎ Jan 03 2018
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My GF got intestine infection..

GF: "You forgot I am ill."

Me: "Oh I thought your stomach pain is gone, or else you would have mentioned it."

GF: "Yeah so I thought, but I went to see the doctor anyway."

Me: "What did the he say?"

GF: "He said I have intestine infection."

Me: "Ohhh so your gut feeling is all messed up now, isn't it?"..

After a moment of silence, she burst out laughing. And said goodnight with a kiss.

I am going to marry this one.

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👤︎ u/grrrwoofwoof
📅︎ Oct 01 2014
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Just found out that the local hospital is closing their wing for people with serious infections

Turns out they were under staphed...

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👤︎ u/jskoker
📅︎ Mar 05 2013
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My sister's marine boyfriend got a bad infection

He's a staph sergeant.

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👤︎ u/TheTrendyCyborg
📅︎ Sep 11 2015
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Man, when you have a bladder infection...

Urine trouble.

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👤︎ u/6223Error
📅︎ Jul 22 2019
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when you have a bladder infection...

...urine trouble!

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👤︎ u/mellon_coliee
📅︎ Aug 12 2019
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If you have a bladder infection.....

Urine trouble

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👤︎ u/B-man44
📅︎ Sep 10 2019
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What happens when you have a bladder infection?

Urine Trouble.

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👤︎ u/weeaboolover
📅︎ Jul 24 2019
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If you have a bladder infection

Urine trouble. 🤪

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👤︎ u/PewPewWizard2000
📅︎ Sep 08 2018
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What happens when you have a bladder infection?

Urine Trouble

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👤︎ u/ChingChongMan123
📅︎ May 06 2018
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What happens when you get a bladder infection?

Urine trouble

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👤︎ u/music_snobbbb
📅︎ Mar 20 2019
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If you get a bladder infection,

urine trouble.

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👤︎ u/PimplupXD
📅︎ Jul 18 2018
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What happens when you have a bladder infection?

Urine trouble!

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👤︎ u/soulLivinInAFishbowl
📅︎ Jan 31 2018
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What happens when you have a bladder infection?

Urine trouble

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👤︎ u/shurgery
📅︎ Aug 22 2017
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What happens when you have a bladder infection?

Urine trouble

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👤︎ u/xepicxriotx
📅︎ Apr 21 2017
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If you have a bladder infection ...

... then you know urine trouble.

(Groan.)

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👤︎ u/IcarusI
📅︎ Oct 30 2014
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