Antibiotic Puns

Unclebiotic

Penne-cillin.

Uncle biotic

I guess you'd say I'm cure-ious.

Thanks ladies and germs! Tip your servers!

It's due to Germ-an engineering

Wife: "Look, they used to treat pain with willow bark".

Me: "I'll give that one 3 stars".

Wife: "This one is about the invention of antibiotics".

Me: "I'll give it 8 out of 10".

Wife: "Apparently, they used give people cowpox to protect them from smallpox".

Me: "Definitely 2 thumbs up".

Wife: "Why do you keep doing that?".

Me: "I'm the curator of this museum"!

Urine trouble.

antibiotics will never go viral.

I just use antibiotics, in Europe we don't need guns for everything

Antibiotics.

Antibiotic oinkment!

I'm sitting in our break room when I look left and see a coworker eating boiled eggs and asked him "why always with the eggs." To witch he replies "lots of protein." I'm allergic to sulfa and eggs have sulfa in them. So I told him so, and another coworker of ours looks at me and said "so you eggnore them them." Customary groans from the rest of the table.

I think I "invented" this joke when I was around 15, but I'm sure others have as well since it's not too subtle. The key, though, was that I waited for just the right moment to use it for the first time.

I had an ear infection, so I went to the doctor, who took a look and quickly diagnosed it and wrote a prescription and handed it to me.

> Doctor: It's just an ear infection, so 4 drops of this daily should clear it right up.

> Me: [Reading the prescription, and seeing the name of the antibiotic, but I may be wrong about the name, so if anyone knows the right name, please reply.] [Completely seriously.] Oraline? So, I put the drops in my mouth?

> Doctor: [Quizzically.] No, no, no, you put it in your ear!

> Me: Oh, I read the name, and "Oraline" sounds like something you'd take orally.

> Doctor: Nope, in the ear.

> Me: [Remembering my dad joke.] It's a good thing that you didn't prescribe me analgesics.

The doctor had no reaction, just said their deadpan goodbye and left. I've wondered if they didn't get it, didn't think it was funny, or had heard it hundreds of times before.

Girlfriend: "Do I need antibiotics for this cold?"

Her dad: "Antibiotics for a cold is a common misconception"

...

Her dad: "Like you would be if you gave me grandchildren"

My mom was admitted to the hospital today for bilateral pneumonia. Thankfully they said just for a night so they could get some IV antibiotics in her system. Dad texted me a picture of her lunch (she has PKU so no protein allowed) http://i.imgur.com/xzcTSkT.jpg

So my daughter is sick and has been taking antibiotics for the past week. These antibiotics cause some unwanted side effects (unholy diarrhea) that require us to put a paste on her butt that keeps it from getting chapped. This lead to the following brief exchange between my wife and I:

(While she was changing an explosive diaper)

Her: Have you seen the butt balm?

Me: Yeah, it's right there in her diaper...

After a conversation on the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and antibiotics research: "Why is the best disease research done in cities on the coast? Because they like to See de Sea!"