What's the opposite of antibiotic?

Unclebiotic

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📅︎ Dec 01 2020
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What antibiotic does a sick Italian take?

Penne-cillin.

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📅︎ Nov 28 2020
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What's the opposite of antibiotic?

Uncle biotic

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📅︎ Sep 22 2020
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I'm extremely interested in researching antibiotics and their effect upon diseases...

I guess you'd say I'm cure-ious.

Thanks ladies and germs! Tip your servers!

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📅︎ Jul 19 2019
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Why are superbugs so efficient against antibiotics?

It's due to Germ-an engineering

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👤︎ u/lokae0
📅︎ Nov 22 2016
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What's the No. 2 antibiotic in the United States?

Pencil-icillin

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📅︎ Feb 26 2016
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My wife and I went to the Museum of Medicine and we were browsing the exhibits...

Wife: "Look, they used to treat pain with willow bark".

Me: "I'll give that one 3 stars".

Wife: "This one is about the invention of antibiotics".

Me: "I'll give it 8 out of 10".

Wife: "Apparently, they used give people cowpox to protect them from smallpox".

Me: "Definitely 2 thumbs up".

Wife: "Why do you keep doing that?".

Me: "I'm the curator of this museum"!

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📅︎ Aug 08 2020
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What happens when you get a bladder infection?

Urine trouble.

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📅︎ Feb 16 2020
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No matter how popular they get

antibiotics will never go viral.

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📅︎ Dec 20 2019
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My American friend had her flu shot

I just use antibiotics, in Europe we don't need guns for everything

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👤︎ u/analytik
📅︎ Jan 17 2019
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What do you get for the man who has everything?

Antibiotics.

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👤︎ u/buShroom
📅︎ Jul 22 2018
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What do pigs put on wounds?

Antibiotic oinkment!

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📅︎ Mar 27 2019
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Got dad joked by my coworker

I'm sitting in our break room when I look left and see a coworker eating boiled eggs and asked him "why always with the eggs." To witch he replies "lots of protein." I'm allergic to sulfa and eggs have sulfa in them. So I told him so, and another coworker of ours looks at me and said "so you eggnore them them." Customary groans from the rest of the table.

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👤︎ u/allover77
📅︎ Sep 14 2014
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I saved this dad joke for 30 years for just the right moment...

I think I "invented" this joke when I was around 15, but I'm sure others have as well since it's not too subtle. The key, though, was that I waited for just the right moment to use it for the first time.

I had an ear infection, so I went to the doctor, who took a look and quickly diagnosed it and wrote a prescription and handed it to me.

> Doctor: It's just an ear infection, so 4 drops of this daily should clear it right up.

> Me: [Reading the prescription, and seeing the name of the antibiotic, but I may be wrong about the name, so if anyone knows the right name, please reply.] [Completely seriously.] Oraline? So, I put the drops in my mouth?

> Doctor: [Quizzically.] No, no, no, you put it in your ear!

> Me: Oh, I read the name, and "Oraline" sounds like something you'd take orally.

> Doctor: Nope, in the ear.

> Me: [Remembering my dad joke.] It's a good thing that you didn't prescribe me analgesics.

The doctor had no reaction, just said their deadpan goodbye and left. I've wondered if they didn't get it, didn't think it was funny, or had heard it hundreds of times before.

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👤︎ u/TaedW
📅︎ Apr 03 2015
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Girlfriend's dad keeps hinting about grandchildren...

Girlfriend: "Do I need antibiotics for this cold?"

Her dad: "Antibiotics for a cold is a common misconception"

...

Her dad: "Like you would be if you gave me grandchildren"

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👤︎ u/heyhodadio
📅︎ Nov 27 2015
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Dad makes Dad joke while mom is in hospital.

My mom was admitted to the hospital today for bilateral pneumonia. Thankfully they said just for a night so they could get some IV antibiotics in her system. Dad texted me a picture of her lunch (she has PKU so no protein allowed) http://i.imgur.com/xzcTSkT.jpg

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👤︎ u/hjonsey
📅︎ Jan 07 2016
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Homophones are dad joke bait.

So my daughter is sick and has been taking antibiotics for the past week. These antibiotics cause some unwanted side effects (unholy diarrhea) that require us to put a paste on her butt that keeps it from getting chapped. This lead to the following brief exchange between my wife and I:

(While she was changing an explosive diaper)

Her: Have you seen the butt balm?

Me: Yeah, it's right there in her diaper...

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📅︎ Mar 10 2014
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Trying to improve my dad joke repertoire

After a conversation on the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and antibiotics research: "Why is the best disease research done in cities on the coast? Because they like to See de Sea!"

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📅︎ May 14 2014
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