Doc, every time I smell Mexican food my heart races.
Doc: Sounds like tacocardia.
π︎ 95
π
︎ May 13 2021
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 27 2021
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
Nurse: Here is the list of heart, liver and kidney donors arranged in alphabetical order.
Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 30 2021
A heart on
π︎ 184
π
︎ Feb 04 2021
Ainβt nothing but a heart break
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
Did you hear about the criminal who had a heart attack while running from the police?
He went into cardiac arrest.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 19 2021
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 11 2021
How do you win the heart of a female Farmer?
π︎ 220
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
Doctor said Iβm at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
π︎ 67
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
"I love you from my heart to-ma-toes"
π︎ 597
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
If βa dream is a wish the heart makes...β
Does that make a fart a nightmare of the stomach?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
A heart got caught in a drug bust...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 03 2021
My Grandfather has the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Apr 12 2020
Heart transplant is a really heart touching surgery
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
What vegetable lives in your heart?
π︎ 26
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
There was a post about a teen holding his own heart in his hands after a heart transplant, I thought these comments belonged here
π︎ 40
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
I would like to see a heart attack
π︎ 38
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
How did a heart end up in jail?
There was a cardiac arrest
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
During an autopsy, why are the heart, kidneys, liver and lungs arranged alphabetically?
π︎ 445
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
A guy told me the size of my heart matters more than my physical size.
Good thing I went to the cardiologist before the gym.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
Dad has a heart attack
Dad:has a heart attack
Dad:Call me an ambulance...
Son: uhhh... You're an ambulance....
Dad:....
Dad: That's my boy...dead
π︎ 161
π
︎ Aug 18 2020
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
COVID-19 can cause damage to the brain, heart, and lungs.
Luckily for Trump, he just needs to worry about lung damage.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 02 2020
You want to know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
My horoscope said my heart would be broken in 12 years time.
So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up !
π︎ 51
π
︎ Jul 23 2020
My dad is going through heart failure, and the first text that I get from him after sending him a card says:
βNo more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokesβ
Iβm glad he still has his sense of humor through these tough times
π︎ 139
π
︎ May 31 2020
He gets a mini heart-attack when the Australian waiter says "Check, Mate"
π︎ 25
π
︎ May 11 2020
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
I put original copies of "The Fall of the House of Usher", "The Murders in the Rue Morgue", "The Pit and the Pendulum" and "The Tell-Tale Heart" on credit hoping to pay them off slowly. Unfortunately, I couldn't make all payments...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
My mate Gav sadly passed away this morning. Doctors say it was severe heart burn.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
I have the eye of a tiger, the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
π︎ 38
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
My dad has the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
π︎ 23
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
A heart was recently caught in a drug bust...
It was placed under cardiac arrest.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 03 2021
My granddad has the heart of a lion
and a lifetime ban from London zoo.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 28 2021
My dad has a heart of a lion!
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
My grandfather had the heart of a lion
And a permanent ban from the nearby zoo
π︎ 44
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
The only way to kill a French vampire is to slowly drive a baguette through its heart.
The process is a little painstaking.
π︎ 83
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
I have the eye of a tiger and the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
π︎ 217
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
I have the heart of a lionβ¦
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
π︎ 60
π
︎ May 29 2020
My horoscope told me I was going to be heart broken in 12 years
So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jul 08 2020
My grandpa has the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
π︎ 16
π
︎ Sep 02 2020
My grandfather has the heart of a lion...
...and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Aug 17 2020
My old grandad has the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 11 2020
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