This eye pun couldn't be any cornea
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nottedy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2017
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/u/brandonwho_au Makes an eye pun reddit.com/r/AskReddit/co…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirSkidMark
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
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I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
I quizzed my daughter, "If there’s a bee in my hand, what’s in my eye?" Reluctantly, she admitted, "I have no idea. What?" I chuckled...

"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"

πŸ‘︎ 356
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
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Can I see the result of my eye test

Probably not

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yourmomspetfish
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
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I have the eye of a tiger and the heart of a lion

And a lifetime ban from the zoo

πŸ‘︎ 215
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
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My eyes
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
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Every time my dad goes to the eye doctor, they ask him to read the smallest text on the chart out loud.

He says, "Printed in China."

This is a true story lol.

πŸ‘︎ 141
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BasementGrowNerd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
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I accidentally squirted ketchup in my eye

I now have Heinzsight

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
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I am so good at using the eye drops

I can do it with my eyes closed.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danyk16
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
🚨︎ report
How do you keep your eyes from drying out?

You Moist-ur-ize

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Soulfox1988
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
The first time I seen my Wife was at the local Zoo. Our eyes met..

..and I knew She was a Keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
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My best friend has a good eye for dad jokes...

But the jokes couldn’t be any cornea.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/azzawith2zs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
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This is more than meets the eye.
πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anti_Matterr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
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People with eye twitches always look so well rested...

It must be because they're always getting twenty winks

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
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A Roman Soldier caught the Bartender's eye and gave him the two fingers sign..

" Five beers coming up " said the Bartender.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
Open your eyes imgur.com/40QuNmF
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NatoXemus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
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I met a man with a glass eye this morning...

He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rob_Haggis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:

"you know, one would have been enough"

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fshhhh

(Waaay funnier out loud)

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
My son came home to find me slumped over the lawn mower crying my eyes out. He shouted over the noise, "You ok, pop?!" I shouted back...

"I'm fine!! I'm just going through a rough patch!"

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
What follows two eyes?

Captain.

πŸ‘︎ 270
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once.

It was a bad idea in Heinz- sight.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
Some think dad jokes make just roll your eyes. But they are actually awesome. And here is why.

###Y

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeSpatula
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...

"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
🚨︎ report
I've heard so much about the "Eye Of The Tiger", but how come no one talks about…

…the other four letters?

πŸ‘︎ 578
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
Did you see Thor put some subtle rouge on his brother’s cheeks with just a hint of eye shadow?

It was pretty Loki

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlatinumCalf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
I once asked a pirate about why he wore an eye patch.

He told me he used to have a glass eye, but that it had become infected. When he went to the doctor he was prescribed three eye drops each morning and evening. By the first morning though he’d dropped it so many times it had shattered!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Fucked-YourMom
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
A Girl takes a Pregnancy Test, then looks her Boyfriend dead in the eyes and says:

Your Kid in Me

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
🚨︎ report
I told my wife a dad joke and she gave me two eye rolls...

Normally, she rolls only one eye. 😡

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
I like jokes about the eyes

The cornea the better

πŸ‘︎ 281
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arceist_Justin
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
How do you call a rabbit without an eye?

Rabbt.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amitaish
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
Eye of Newt, of witch potion lore, is actually...

nothing more than good, old-fashioned ground mustard seed emulsified in oil. This means mustard could actually be called newt butter. Or, for those who have their doubts... I can’t believe it’s newt butter.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

A Doyouthinkhesaurus Rex

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lewisfirmin
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
More Than meets The Eye
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wtflagnard
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
Her: Be mean to me. [heart eyes emoji] Him: You're average.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Houseofbluelight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
I accidentally poked myself in the eye moments ago.

I did not see that one coming.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
Puns about the body are usually corny. But puns about the eyes are even
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wizitushkid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeje17j
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
Doctor doctor I think I've got a problem with my eye

Doctor: I dont know, looks pretty good to me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IPoisonedYourMum
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
What did the right eye say to the left one?

Between you and me man something smells

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriptor55
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17
🚨︎ report
Eye of the tiger
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glitchomojo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
Good pupils always dot their eyes.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/churniglow
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
After 12 years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.

He said, "No hablo Ingles."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrawHatHS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No-eye deer

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adriendel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye-deer

This was my granddad’s favorite joke. He would have loved this sub

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarahJTHappy
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar and it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pig with three eyes?

Pi-i-ig

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sardonicuis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
Eye Patchie Indian
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MobileBrowns
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
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this post caught my eye
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/12jd
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
Its a real Eye Opener!
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peeyu08
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
Wife: what are your plans for today? Me: I am going to the eye doctor

And after that I’ll see

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sageyban
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
I have a condition where my body is invisible to the naked eye.

I went to the doctor, and he said, "Sorry, I can't see you now."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/195236
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
My friend with the lazy eye just lost his job as a teacher.

He had a real hard time controlling his pupils.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostPotency
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
Did you know I like dad jokes about eyes?

The cornea the better.

Well, I didn't make that joke. But being a pupil of dad jokes, iris I thought of that one.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkJedi224
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
What do you call blue eyes that are bloodshot?

Patriotic

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
Beauty lies in the eye of the bee-holder.
πŸ‘︎ 392
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saintwithataint
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pig with three eyes?

Piiig

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Eye'm sorry for this one :(
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Enoallday
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish with 4 eyes?

Fiiiish

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notprospero
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend poked me in the eye the other day...

I stopped seeing her for a while.

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matty_B97
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
My daughter put her eye patch on my girlfriend's head like a horn.

Who knew she was able to breed unicornias

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
What do you call an ear with no eyes

No-eyed ear

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecentFisherman3
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
What would happen if people didnt have eyes?

We would look funny.

Told this joke to my dad as a kid and he cracked up. I didn't get the joke til the next day when he told me he'd shared it with a coworker and gave me credit for making it up. I had thought he was just humoring me for being a kid and trying to impress my dad. My favorite dad joke, and I still tell it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish with no eye?

A β€œFsh”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/streety22
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
A man with a wooden eye is sitting at a bar

While there, he is wanting to find a lady to dance with. He sees a lonely lady across the bar with a peg leg, and decides to talk to her.

He says, β€œWould you dance with me?”

Excited, she says β€œWould I?? Would I??”

He gets mad and says β€œPeg leg! Peg leg!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/konajones
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
"I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework." Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, "Really?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?"

"Well, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes."

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
Why do ocean fish have red eyes?

Seaweed.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noapostrophe555
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?

Beauty.

Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Unlike the bee, which is in his hand.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RepresentativePop
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
What is a fish without an eye called?

FSH

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboi_akshat
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scottdetweiler
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
Im sorry i can't talk today. I have p!nk eye
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SyringeWinge
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
I told my dad I just met someone with one eye named john.

My dad...what was his other eye called?

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catonmyshoulder69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
Beauty is in the eye of the...
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What parts of Pop Eye never get rusty?

The parts he dips in Olive Oyl.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeDoHell
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
What has 4 eyes, 4 legs, 3 beaks and a net?

Four pirates looking for a lost parrot

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
Choose any number between 2 and 8. Multiply by 4, and then add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.

Dark, wasn’t it?

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
Eye did not see that coming to light so quick
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boywholived_299
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
I prefer dad jokes about eyes....

The cornea the better.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OCR9
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
Have you ever seen a pig with three eyes?

Piiig

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thephantomnose
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
I am punny or m eye ? 🌚
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coffeeandmemes__
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on his face was priceless.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
The optometrist said I have a problem with my eyes.

I replied, β€œCan you be a little more clear?”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheesy_the_clown
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish with no eyes

A fsh

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThickCactus85
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A Fsh.

πŸ‘︎ 236
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dymmesdale
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
Did you know I like dad jokes about eyes?

The cornea the better

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
Did you see Thor put some subtle rouge on his brother’s cheeks with just a hint of eye shadow?

It was pretty Loki.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PlatinumCalf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells!

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Christmas-Pickle
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report

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