As a covid detection measure, the eyeglass place took my temperature before I could see the eye doctor.

Does anyone know how I can get it back?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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why don't fish wear eyeglasses?

because they don't have ears

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πŸ‘€︎ u/relayrider
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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If my eyeglasses were just a little bit stronger

I would enter them in a weightlifting competition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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My eyeglasses are atheist.

They're skeptical spectacles.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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I told my wife that I'm thinking of going as a pair of eyeglasses this Halloween...

"Please don't," she begged, "You'll make a spectacle of yourself."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
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Son: What are your plans for today?

Dad: A friend and I are going to buy some eyeglasses?

Son: And after that?

Dad: And after that, we'll see.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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My Dad kept pretending to throw his eyeglasses at me.

I said 'Why do you keep pretending to throw those at me?'.
He said 'You're right, I am just making a Spectacle of myself'.

Internally I was laughing but I couldn't let him know he got to me...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InnocentPossum
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2016
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Has anyone seen my glasses. I've managed to loose sight of them.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stone_Miner_1225
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
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For your eyes only

Eyeglasses

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pedrodegiovanni
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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A short collection of fresh puns.

Most of this is my own work, if not, it was inspired by something clever!
I hope this will tickle your funnybone and produce a jolly good set of laughs.

A guy didn't register that the wet paint signs about the handrail was still drying, his hand immediately stuck to the rail. My only response to him was, well you see there, it's an application problem, not hardware.

A researcher's obsession with mixing sand, stones, lime and water has started to yield concrete results.

Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.

Joe: I gave the backyard squirrels Christmas presents!
Abby: Are you nuts?
Joe: No, that's what I gave them...

What did the supervisor at the tortilla factory say at the end of a long workday?
That's a wrap!

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. (Insp)

People who don't answer the phone sometimes miss their calling in life.

His words were heavy, but his friends didn't get the gravity of the situation.

Time flies like crazy!
Fruit flies like apples!

Never let logic and reasoning get in the way of telling a good story. (Sounds like something that would be said on TopGear/Grand Tour)

There are a few words that will open many doors for you in life - Push and Pull (Insp)

Somehow people really don't like it when I throw lamps at them to encourage them to lighten up.
Same goes for tossing handles for when they need to get a grip or soap for cleaning up their act.

When you're on the ballot for the water council and they have a runoff election.

Ghosts speak latin, it's a dead language (Insp)

If you work at a grocery, send the interns down to the meat market to get some red herrings.

There was a river in Egypt that no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Bad luck Brian - Invests in uranium, profits decay.

There was an explosion at the film manufacturing company, reporters say the story is still developing.

Why do bagpipers walk around?
To get away from the noise (Insp)

Most people have a six-figure income, just the decimal point is in the wrong place.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

In Russia, the term road has had a controversial meaning for a very long time.

In Canada/Russia, you put things in the fridge to warm them up.

Did you know that the creator of Barbie was named Barbara Dahl?

Doc: There's something not q

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
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What has 4 eyes but can't see?

Someone with the wrong eyeglass prescription

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoisedProgramar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2016
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New Glasses

Dad took me to get new eyeglass prescription when I was about 16. When picking out frames, my Dad says, "Do you have anything that will help him see things my way?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BizzyM
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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