I told my Uncle John that Isaac Newton once stuck a darning needle behind his eyeball to test a hypothesis about optics.

He won't stop referring to him as Eye-Stick Newton.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/messenger_boy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
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My wife walked in on me masturbating to an optical illusion.

I said, β€œHoney, it’s not what it looks like!”

πŸ‘︎ 165
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??

An Optical Aleutian

I’ll see myself out...

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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What department do Optical Technicians work for?

Eye-T

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maximusheadroom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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I thought I had found the best optometrist southwest of Alaska...

But it turned out it was an optical Aleutian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alficles
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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My wife threatened to leave me because of my obsession with optical illusions.

I told her, "Wait, this isn't what you think it is!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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I was checking the website of an optical brand...

they have a strong vision statement

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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Neat slogan for an optical store in 4 years...

"Our 2020 vision is your 20/20 vision"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stratocast
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2016
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Optical Illusions: Eye can't believe them.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunNRun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2014
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Is there a really famous Celtic optical physicist...

...who credits his success to the luck of the iris?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CronoZero15
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2015
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Here’s an original one I just came up with just now while watching the Behind the Curve flat earth conspiracy documentary on Netflix. It made me realize that I am a flat eyeball conspiracist.

They’re just optical illusions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gabriel_Aurelius
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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What did the optometrist say when the Russian aircraft flew past at lightning speed?

He felt it might have been an optical Illyushin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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When I visited Alaska, I kept thinking I was seeing native eye doctors...

Turns out it was just an optical Aleutian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aurrutia214
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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One person died during the manufacturing of the world's largest lenses.

He fell into the vat of molten optical glass and made a spectacle of himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohrules
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Caught my dad red handed on a Facebook post.

Post: (optical illusion type situation) How many water melons are in this picture?

Everyone else: Numerical guesses.

My dad: "all of them"

The people over at r/funny didn't get it- I hope you guys can appreciate it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/happyunicorn2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2016
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I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island.

But it turned out to be an optical Aleutian

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/createsean
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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I thought I saw an Eskimo on the road ahead

But it was just an optical Aleutian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InterwebWeasel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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Puns for Educated Minds
  1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshFocusPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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My friend told me a looked smart when wearing glasses

I told him it was an optical illusion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/humscotch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2017
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A double triumph at dinner

Me, talking to my gang of teenage kids about their day. I asked my oldest son what he was working for the upcoming science olympiad. My son: "We're working on a pendulum." Me: "Must be a lot of back and forth." ACTUAL LAUGHTER! After we settled back down, my son said, "We're also working on objects." I said "Objects?" puzzled. "No Dad! Optics!" "Oh! Optics.....I see. (big grin)" Laughter again! TRIUMPH!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trader_dave
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2016
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I dadjoked my lab partner today.

We just finished doing our optics lab experiment and when we got out, my lab partner asked, "So, when do you think we will get to use lasers?" And I said, "I hope next week, but that maybe too optic-mistic."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fiziksphoolian
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2014
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My girlfriend walked in on me masturbating to an optical illusion

I told her "babe it's not what it looks like"

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gregorio02
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
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It's not an optical illusion.

...It just looks like one.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nealgiebler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2017
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I once had to see an eye doctor on an Alaskan island.

Turns out he was an optical Aleutian.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crash_86
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2017
🚨︎ report
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island...

...but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2016
🚨︎ report
My grandpa sent me this email. King of dad jokes.
  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

  6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

  14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

  15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

  16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

  17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

  18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

  19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  21. A backward poet writes inverse.

  22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

  23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

edit: formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattybreit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island . . .

but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnideRemarkDept
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2013
🚨︎ report

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