What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef!
What do you call a cow after it gives birth? De-calf-enated!
Did you hear about that cow that jumped over a barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction.
(After they beg you to stop, hit them with: "Ok, it's time too mooooove on to some different jokes. These cow jokes are getting udderly ridiculous.")
The cornea the better
But the jokes couldn’t be any cornea.
###Y
I told my wife:
There's the captain water, and the crewmember water. The captain water says: "All right crewmembers, do you know where you have to go?" The crewmember water replies: "Eye eye, sir!"
This earned me a proper facepalm from my wife which I shall wear proudly as a badge of honor and now share here with you.
I just rolled them back
the Cornea the better
I guess I like aqueous humour
Me: Today was an awful day at work
Wife: Are you serious? Tell me about it
Me: I’m not Sirius, I’m your husband. And Itt was a short, hirsute creature who looked short of like a haystack with sunglasses; he was Gomez’s cousin and spoke in high pitched gibberish all the time. Now if we could get back to my day...
I look over, and he's reaching into his pocket and pulls out a little vial, and shakes it out all over me. He hands me this vial and he's made a shitty label around it, and he wrote on this fricken label, "Directions: Add in salt to injury".
He's a legend among my friends dads.
No i-dear.
Bonus What do you call a deer with no eye and no legs?
Still, no I-dear
Bonus What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no dick?
Still no fucking i-dear
Groans all round.
He said "the cornea, the better."
It was so cornea.
Running with my daughter. She stops and says "dad I have something in my shoe."
I say "Hmm, is it a foot?"
Used to laugh but now just get eye rolls every time.
But it's too Cornea...
I noticed a couple of really cute ground squirrels that have started a little community next to the soccer field at our college campus, and pointed them out. This was his reply.
DH: Oh man, they’re adorable! Can you buy one of those at a pet store? I wonder how much they’d gopher....
I just entered Optometry School and my class is making shirts for our class. We want to put one or more puns or jokes related to the eye. Please Help! Will deliver pics of final shirts.
He went to his doctor, who referred him to an eye specialist. They performed every test possible, but found nothing wrong with his eye. Since the pain was still persistent, he showed a number of specialists, had every test done on him, consulted quacks, and all to no result. He still felt excruciating pain whenever he had tea. Finally, he decides to visit an old sage. The sage sits him down and pours him some tea. As soon as he takes a sip, he feels the pain again. The sage sets his own cup on the table, and quietly says "Next time you drink tea, remember to remove the spoon from the cup."
We called him piiig
The cornea the better
The cornea the better.
They're cornea.
The cornea the better!
