This eye pun couldn't be any cornea
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nottedy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2017
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/u/brandonwho_au Makes an eye pun reddit.com/r/AskReddit/co…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirSkidMark
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
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I love eye jokes

The cornea the better

πŸ‘︎ 170
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mRmyster76
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
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Bull’s eye
πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matty0five
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
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Just had an officer at the door saying he was looking for a man with one eye...

Told him to use both and he’d probably find him a lot quicker.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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In an unexpected turn of events my apathetic Muslim friend just opened an eye hospital

He calls it "Asif Eye Care".

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shoor_veer
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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Eye to Eye
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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What do you call a Jedi with four eyes?

Jediiii

πŸ‘︎ 789
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mommypanda35
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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Eye drops should be called blinker fluid
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobrtm
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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Did you hear about the little boy born without an eye lid? They had to use his foreskin to make one.

The surgery went well, he is just a little cockeyed now.

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πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eyedeer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ginger-Beefcake
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
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Bee keepers have the most beautiful eyes

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee holder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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Why did Hitler wear eye glasses?

Because without them he could Nazi.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ferventlycavalier
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes

Now I have Heinzsight

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theskyguyuk
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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I put ketchup in my eyes

in heinzsight, it was a very bad mistake

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Major_Cupcake
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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I once knew some twins who were both missing an eye...

They were dentical

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisonMike1111
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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Anyone else notice that when you REALLY need an eye doctor they are hard to see?
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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What happened when Hitler got soap in his eye?

He could nazi.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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I wasn't sure if my Australian optometrist was saying that I have good eyes or simply greeting me

He said "Good eye might."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spicylemontaco42
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
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I challenged my son, "Take 4 and subtract 2 from it. What’s left? Rolling his eyes, he sighed, "2." I yelled, NOPE!"

"The opposite of right!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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I got ketchup in my eye.

I learned Heinz site is not always 20/20.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/earth_humanoid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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Where did the pirate find his eye patch?

At the y-arrrrrrd sale.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Killrog8
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fssssssshhhhhhhh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattAfrika
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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A police officer just came to the door and said he was looking for a man with one eye.

I told him he would probably find him faster he used both.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh

Was my kids' favorite while growing up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/c4ptw0w
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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TIL many Central and South Americans suffer from an ocular infection called Eye Carumba /r/ShittyTodayILearned/co…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsMichaelRay
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
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What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs?

A rookie!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyOnABison
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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A blind man walks into Wal-Mart with his seeing-eye dog...

Once inside, the man takes the dog and starts swinging it around, above his head, by the leash. The dog is whining, yelping and causing an overall scene. A panicked Wal-Mart employee runs up to the man and asks him what he thinks he's doing. The man responds, "Oh, you know. Just looking around."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timewarp646
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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My dentist looks like my eye doctor

They’re identical

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snuzet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said...

"You know, one would have been enough."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LayThatPipe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??

An Optical Aleutian

I’ll see myself out...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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What did one eye say to the other?

"Between you and me, something smells."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Docfess
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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A formerly blind man finishes his last round of eye surgery to gain his sight. The doctor asks if he has any last questions.

Patient: no, I think I'll see my self out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/waldo06
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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A long time bachelor met a girl in a bar with a glass eye.

As she sat down next to him her glass eye fell to the floor next to his stoll. He picked it up and handed it back to her.

They chatted all night and hit it off pretty well and eventually started dating.

One day while lying in bed, he turns to her and asks:

"Why me? Out of all the guys that were at the bar that night, why did you choose me?"

She looked at him surprised and said:

"Well, you caught my eye."

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealitiesOfWar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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What do you call a deer with really large eyes?

A great eye deer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Q-uiVive
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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If you haven’t shot a weapon with your eyes closed

You don’t know what you’re missing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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I bought an onion. Cutting it burned my eyes so badly I went back to the store to complain.

Strong OP onion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SandJA1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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I asked my girlfriend if I could make her mine. "Yes! Oh, yes!" she shouted, eyes filling with tears. "Great!" I said.

"Now take this pick and go find me some gold!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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I went to an Eye Doctor because I was having trouble seeing

I thought he would give me glasses, but he said he had a better solution and suddenly squirted ketchup into my eyes!

I was about to object, then realized I could see perfectly! I asked him how it worked, and he shrugged and said...

"Heinz-sight is 20/20"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaleoGamer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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I got into a fight with a guy who had a lazy eye

I just didn't like the way he was looking at me

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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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Just a moment ago, my hands began to convulse, my fingernails turned into sharp talons, my palms became thick, hairy, and tough. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and the feeling went away

I just had two paws for a moment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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My eye doctor told me I have some of the worst vision of any of his clients today

Didn't see that one coming

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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My son said, β€œI accidentally put ketchup in my eye. I should have been more careful.”

I said, β€œThat’s Heinz sight for you.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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My wife works in animal medicine and rolled her eyes at me. "Where does a vet who specializes in neutering live?"

A cull-de-sack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/waldo06
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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I love eye jokes

The cornea the better

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ginger-Beefcake
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A no eye-dea

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Massive_Panda
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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What do you call a fish with no eye?

A fsh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MCKANNON
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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