This eye pun couldn't be any cornea
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︎ Mar 23 2017
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︎ Apr 17 2017
I love eye jokes
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︎ May 31 2021
Bullβs eye
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︎ May 30 2021
Just had an officer at the door saying he was looking for a man with one eye...
Told him to use both and heβd probably find him a lot quicker.
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︎ Mar 18 2021
In an unexpected turn of events my apathetic Muslim friend just opened an eye hospital
He calls it "Asif Eye Care".
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︎ May 25 2021
Eye to Eye
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︎ Jun 01 2021
What do you call a Jedi with four eyes?
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︎ Apr 13 2021
Eye drops should be called blinker fluid
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︎ May 25 2021
Did you hear about the little boy born without an eye lid? They had to use his foreskin to make one.
The surgery went well, he is just a little cockeyed now.
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︎ May 25 2021
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
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︎ May 24 2021
Bee keepers have the most beautiful eyes
Because beauty is in the eye of the bee holder
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︎ May 25 2021
Why did Hitler wear eye glasses?
Because without them he could Nazi.
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︎ Jan 19 2021
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes
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︎ May 06 2021
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
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︎ Jun 01 2021
I put ketchup in my eyes
in heinzsight, it was a very bad mistake
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︎ Apr 26 2021
I once knew some twins who were both missing an eye...
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︎ Jun 01 2021
Anyone else notice that when you REALLY need an eye doctor they are hard to see?
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︎ Apr 26 2021
What happened when Hitler got soap in his eye?
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︎ Apr 28 2021
I wasn't sure if my Australian optometrist was saying that I have good eyes or simply greeting me
He said "Good eye might."
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︎ May 30 2021
I challenged my son, "Take 4 and subtract 2 from it. Whatβs left? Rolling his eyes, he sighed, "2." I yelled, NOPE!"
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︎ Mar 13 2021
I got ketchup in my eye.
I learned Heinz site is not always 20/20.
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︎ Apr 26 2021
Where did the pirate find his eye patch?
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︎ May 11 2021
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
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︎ May 21 2021
A police officer just came to the door and said he was looking for a man with one eye.
I told him he would probably find him faster he used both.
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︎ May 02 2021
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
Was my kids' favorite while growing up
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︎ May 02 2021
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︎ May 30 2021
What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs?
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︎ May 16 2021
A blind man walks into Wal-Mart with his seeing-eye dog...
Once inside, the man takes the dog and starts swinging it around, above his head, by the leash. The dog is whining, yelping and causing an overall scene. A panicked Wal-Mart employee runs up to the man and asks him what he thinks he's doing. The man responds, "Oh, you know. Just looking around."
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︎ May 28 2021
My dentist looks like my eye doctor
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︎ Mar 30 2021
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said...
"You know, one would have been enough."
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︎ Mar 14 2021
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
Iβll see myself out...
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︎ Dec 01 2020
What did one eye say to the other?
"Between you and me, something smells."
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︎ Apr 14 2021
A formerly blind man finishes his last round of eye surgery to gain his sight. The doctor asks if he has any last questions.
Patient: no, I think I'll see my self out.
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︎ Apr 09 2021
A long time bachelor met a girl in a bar with a glass eye.
As she sat down next to him her glass eye fell to the floor next to his stoll. He picked it up and handed it back to her.
They chatted all night and hit it off pretty well and eventually started dating.
One day while lying in bed, he turns to her and asks:
"Why me? Out of all the guys that were at the bar that night, why did you choose me?"
She looked at him surprised and said:
"Well, you caught my eye."
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︎ Mar 22 2021
What do you call a deer with really large eyes?
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︎ May 08 2021
If you havenβt shot a weapon with your eyes closed
You donβt know what youβre missing.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
I bought an onion. Cutting it burned my eyes so badly I went back to the store to complain.
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︎ Apr 16 2021
I asked my girlfriend if I could make her mine. "Yes! Oh, yes!" she shouted, eyes filling with tears. "Great!" I said.
"Now take this pick and go find me some gold!"
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︎ Mar 22 2021
I went to an Eye Doctor because I was having trouble seeing
I thought he would give me glasses, but he said he had a better solution and suddenly squirted ketchup into my eyes!
I was about to object, then realized I could see perfectly! I asked him how it worked, and he shrugged and said...
"Heinz-sight is 20/20"
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︎ Apr 15 2021
I got into a fight with a guy who had a lazy eye
I just didn't like the way he was looking at me
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︎ May 02 2021
Just a moment ago, my hands began to convulse, my fingernails turned into sharp talons, my palms became thick, hairy, and tough. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and the feeling went away
I just had two paws for a moment
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︎ Apr 24 2021
My eye doctor told me I have some of the worst vision of any of his clients today
Didn't see that one coming
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︎ Apr 07 2021
My son said, βI accidentally put ketchup in my eye. I should have been more careful.β
I said, βThatβs Heinz sight for you.β
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︎ Feb 13 2021
My wife works in animal medicine and rolled her eyes at me. "Where does a vet who specializes in neutering live?"
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︎ Mar 20 2021
I love eye jokes
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︎ Jun 01 2021
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
π︎ 5
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︎ May 20 2021
What do you call a fish with no eye?
π︎ 20
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︎ Apr 03 2021
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